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You can share your birthday cake (get it yourself) with your husband.
It is too confusing for anyone to be manipulated, whether they have dementia or not. And bringing your son into this to honor yourself on your birthday is way too much drama.
Happy Birthday Cheeky!
Song by Miley Cyrus, excerpt
I can buy myself flowers (oh)
Write my name in the sand (mm)
Talk to myself for hours (yeah)
Say things you don't understand (you never will)
I can take myself dancing, yeah
I can hold my own hand
Yeah, I can love me better than you can
If he mentions he didn’t get a card , tell him you both agreed no cards , too expensive.
BTW in my grocery store there were loads of Valentines Day cards leftover . But the flower section was empty the day after . I think alot of people are bypassing cards due to the prices .
Set a nice table with the flowers , cake , some nice music and enjoy it together .
Happy Birthday ! 🎂💐
It would have been a good idea for your son to take your husband out the day of your birthday to help him pick out a gift. But sometimes I think it doesn't help them at all if they don't remember.
You think ahead as do I.
The majority of men I know do not think that far ahead even if they remember a birthday .
For heavens sakes, let it go.
You should not have to ask your son to buy a card for his dad to give to you, he should get one for dad while he is getting one for himself to give to you.
(Hopefully your son remembers it is your birthday)
(light hearted here,,,save yourself some money, go read a card to yourself then put it back on the rack)
Make a cake, or buy one. Have it decorated. Have cake for dessert.
What I found caring for my Husband with dementia is that A DAY IS A DAY.
There are no holidays when you are a primary caregiver. There are no birthdays for you or your LO because those are just another day. You get up in the morning EVERYDAY and do the same thing, you do the same thing morning, noon and night.
(and if you can buy a card for your husband to give to you...you are better off than I was. Since I was my Husbands Guardian I could make NO purchases "from him" to gift to me for Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversary etc. as the court needed an accounting and receipts for each purchase.)
I hope you have a Happy Birthday!!!
When my late husband(who had vascular dementia)was still mobile, he would want me to take him to Walmart so he could pick out cards for me for my birthday(I would remind him ahead of time as I actually like my birthday) Valentine's and the like. And the last birthday that he was able to go, he picked out a beautiful card that he was excited to give me, and because it was for my birthday I didn't look at it until my birthday even though I was the one to pay for it.
And when I opened it on my birthday, the heading across the top of the card said Happy Birthday To My Very Special Mother. Of course I never told him exactly what it said and I just thanked him for such a beautiful card.
If later he said to me "OMG I FORGOT your BD!!!!" I would just laugh and say "Thank goodness! Means I am still only 81, and don't have to think about 82 until next year".
Same with anniversary. We used to go out to a nice restaurant for dinner but not the last few years, especially during and since COVID.
I wouldn't remind him. Remember that he would congratulate you if he did remember and that it's not because he doesn't love you. I no longer remind my mother that it's my birthday and that's okay.
Background:
Last year husband with Alzheimer's was so so upset that he forgot my birthday and our anniversary, he made me promise to remind him . Well yesterday I told that to my daughter so she took him out to buy me a little flower pot for my birthday. But by the time he got home with it .... He was completely confused thinking it was for her, they were her flowers. I finally gently told him they were for me from him and he was blown away and even more confused and upset flustered over the whole thing... It was a hot mess. Now I completely regret bringing it up. I feel like a selfish idiot for trying to help him feel better when it should have just gone unannounced and not frustrating moments at all.
My advice? Forget it and move on.
I'll NEVER DO THAT AGAIN. and it's okay. I'll live.
Good luck dear..
Other than that, I would let it go. Birthdays and anniversarys will never be the same. I will usually tell my husband cheerfully what day / occasion it is, and make or buy a special dinner or treat to share with him in celebration. He is pleasantly surprised when I tell him the occasion, then forgets an hour later. I have learned to celebrate it myself in quiet reflection.
Just remember your husband loves you, but his brain won’t allow him to show it on the ways he used to.
I got over my husband remembering my birthday a long time ago. 😆
I just tell him tomorrow is my bday and we are going to Vermont for the day. And he doesn't have memory issues. But it works for us!
So don't feel bad, treat yourself to some things special!
i forgot to do that for my birthday. Which is today. My husband is having a difficult day and I think it’s because others have been calling me and I opened cards around him. I think he feels bad , maybe he doesn’t even know why. Definitely not my best birthday.
I think I’ll take some of the advice below to turn it around. Buy some cupcakes for dessert, maybe get a take out meal. Buy myself tulips too.
I feel better already.
If he knows that he forgot, he will feel bad. Or, he might not even be able to comprehend birthdays, at this point. Or, he might forget in a few minutes.
Why burden him?