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Please don't feel it's silly, or apply your rules of normalcy to a disease that robs your wife OF all normalcy. Wherever she can find joy, she should take it.
Best of luck to you
I'm going to keep this in mind for when my mom gets a little more advanced. Or one of those realistic kitty cats.
Good luck.
It also gave us something to connect with her about.
We would go to the thrift store and buy newborn outfits and bring presents for the baby. Then we could make a fuss, change her and it tickled granny to no end.
It was a life size doll, I have no idea what it was called. I am sure you can easily find one though.
I would find one that takes a bottle though and tell your wife that her milk is bad or something to stop her from trying to breast feed. That could be a challenge.
Like many of us, grandchildren have been my own excuse for playing again with my own childhood toys and books. I’m sometimes a bit slow tidying up after the toddlers have gone home!
Corolle baby dolls are quite lovely. I buy one for every child in my family. They are weighted, but not too heavy and come in a variety of skin tones etc.
As you wander this dark path with her, feel fully confident in trusting your own emotions when looking for ways to comfort and encourage her.
You know her more deeply and intuitively and lovingly than any one else, and your decisions, made with your sensitive attention, will never be wrong.
Yes, those of us who love the suffering suffer too, most likely even more than the object of your care. Take good care of yourself as you care for her.
She would want you to.
If she wants a "baby" then by all means, get her one. When we were young girls most of us enjoyed taking care of our dolls. I agree with the other poster not to get her one of those newborns. Maybe she would like one that is a bit "older," one that she can dress and fix her hair? I don't think any of that would be demeaning if that's something that she wants. And, it would make her happy and give her something to do.
He doesn’t exactly play with them but places them here and there. He gently places the one that looks like a rat beside our cat while he sleeps. He shows interest and affection to these screwy things, (I'm not a stuffed animal or doll person). I'm grateful to see the usual tension and confusion in his face melt away when he’s moving them about. His face relaxes and the smallest smile appears.
I'm a bulldozer when it comes to protecting my man before caring what others may think. This benign behavior, in his condition, is not a reflection of who he was or who I am, and if somebody thinks so, so what? If I didn't permit him these sad small crumbs of solace then THAT would be a reflection of me. He is a child. An innocent.
I respect the man he was by keeping him clean, fed, comfortable, physically healthy, and by not letting him walk out of the house with my clothes on. If when I'm preparing lunch he enters the kitchen wearing my clothes over his clothes while holding a flashlight in one hand and a bag full of wiffle balls in the other, then, like the song goes, That’s Entertainment.
I have difficulty understanding your 3rd question.
I'll guess what you mean. Forgive me if I’m wrong, but I think you are terribly disturbed about a number of gut twisting and frightening emotions that are, often conflicting. It’s normal.
First and foremost, of course you’re worried and heartbroken about the person you love.
It is not selfish to be disturbed about what this is doing to you. She was not supposed to change and dissolve away. You counted on her. She was the glue. She was in a sense you.
Your nucleus is upending and fracturing.
Your relationship with others is changing.
You question how you’re going to manage those changes, but more importantly…
You may be wondering how you are going to change, what will you change into. Who will you be?
You may be having a difficult time with this heartache because it's new to you.
You may be a bit ridged with your ideas and expectations. It's understandable. You’ve gone through the looking glass, and it’s a cruel kind of h*ll in here.
We know what we know and crazy does not fit into our logical minds, and as an adult you suffer more because we are set in our ways. Our mental and emotional plasticity is not what it use to be. It's difficult because it’ll seem like you’re splashing around the deep end of the pool looking for the edge to hold on to while simultaneously caregiving, and maybe working, and you're alone.
To boot, sadly, some people you know will become strangers. Even this is an education that will serve you. Those people were always strangers. You will recover and have a different kind of wisdom, that is kinder.
Helpful to me is to try to detach when I could and observe my days like a kind curious outsider. I take deep slow breaths often. Music is medicinal.
Watch YouTube programs (i.e. Teepa Snow) and get educated on this subject. Try different support groups on for size, until you fine a good fit. You’ll find comfort for the time you’ll spend in this new culture. It's temporary.
And you’ll see how you evolve and come out of this a superior person.
As time progresses with this disease it seems like Jan is sliding down a very slippery slope. Just yesterday she had an evaluation from the LTC insurance company. She got very little if any thing correct when she was asked questions.
This week has been filled with disturbing nights. Her sleep patterns are worsening. So consequently, so are mine.
She is so very close to needing a MC facility. But not yet. I hope I will be brave enough to make the decision when it’s time. - I love her so much and will do anything I can to hang on as long as I can.
She also had one of those realistic-looking cats, and she'd changed out her "babies" all the time.
My mother loved cats, and would talk all the time about how much she wanted another kitty, so I bought her a realistic-looking stuffed kitty, but not the top-of-the-line model the other woman had. I gave it my mother, and she said, "Why'd you get me a stuffed animal?"
So much for good intentions.
I'd say get your wife the doll, and she may take to it -- or not. Don't break the bank on it just in case she turns out to be like my mother, though. 😉
I too had this question when my husband was exhibiting childlike behaviors. I talked to my therapist (yes, I needed one to keep me sane) about this matter and she said it didn’t matter what others thought. What mattered was how my husband felt about having a stuffed animal. If he liked it, awesome. If not, try something else. I got him a small coyote and he loved it. He kept it with him all day long, even in bed. He was happy, so I was happy. Now, my husband is in advanced stage of dementia. His fingers are contracting so much that he can only hold a rolled up hand towel to prevent him from digging his nails into his palms. But I am digressing …
Get your wife a doll. If she likes it and is happy with it, then you are doing yet one more thing lovingly for her. Don’t worry about what others think about her.
You are a good husband.
This is the first website I ever saw that showed using dolls and stuffed animals as therapy. I agree with others that anything that relieves her stress can only benefit.
Her dementia has reached a point where really nothing is demeaning to her because the dementia takes a person's self-awareness.
Don't be concerned about whether or not you're treating her like a child or if it's demeaning to her. If her illness has regressed her back into being a child, toddler, or infant then treat her like one. I find that when a person is as far gone with dementia as your wife is, they respond to kindness. They're not bothered or offended because you treat them like a child or a baby.
I would get her the doll, but that should be as far as you support her delusion. No one is going to come and show her how to breast-feed a doll. That's where you draw the line.
Also, please do not get her a cat or any other animal. She is too far gone in dementia for that. Animals are living breathing creatures. They are not toys for the amusement of advanced dementia sufferers or toddlers. Neither possesses the mental capacity to understand that the dog or cat is not a toy. Get her the doll or a stuffed animal.