Should I expect regular communication on my father from the Memory Care facility he is in?

When my husband(ALZ) went in to AFH last year, the manager asked how/ when I wanted updates. I told him that unless I heard otherwise, I would assume things were okay. I prefer staff put their energy toward his care.
I KNOW he is getting better care there than when he had to rely on me 24/7. Whenever I visit/call, I sincerely thank whomever is there for their excellent care. He is 20 miles away and I wish I could have found a spot closer to home for more frequent visits, but this AFH is the best one for him and I have full confidence in them. I truly wish all you caregivers out there the best in finding the place that works for you and your LO. Peace of mind has no price.

My mother was placed in December 2021 for PD and dementia. I visit 2-3 times a week and my father visits (meh I wish I could say every day but he doesn't). Every 3 months the facility has what is called a "care meeting" where we sit down and connect and discuss mom over all. We are very communicative with the staff and head nurse. We visit every week and make sure we are known as the very caring observant family and the days we dont' go we call to see how her day was. They do call every time she has a fall which I believe is a state requirement. Facilities are short staffed and don't have the time to make nightly calls to all of the family members. It is your right to call as often as you'd like and go visit. A squeaky wheel eventually gets oiled- so showing up and expressing, asking and showing love and concern I think helps the staff take better care of your loved one. They are less likely to forget about your loved one b/c they also remember how kind and warm the family is as a whole. Thats my thoughts and approach.

I call daily to check on my husband… sometimes morning and evening besides visiting him at LEAST 3 times a week( usually more). I worry about him constantly and see his rapid decline due to Hes Alzheimer’s/ vascular dementia. They call ME with any med changes, or issues but not just to say “ he had a good day”. He’s getting wonderful care at a Veterans Health Center and the staff love him. I miss him so much but feel happy that he’s now safe.

MC is not place and forget, you have a duty to check up regularly. You cannot expect them to update you every possible moment.

The memory care facility where we have mom will call me if mom tells them she needs to speak with me or they will call if she has a medication change or if someone she was friends with dies and they think she needs consoling. Other than that...there really isn't much to say. She is existing and they are taking care of her day to day needs. I feel like it is up to me to visit to make sure something isn't getting missed in her care and to just spend time with her.

What do you want them to report on exactly? Are you visiting on a regular basis to check on him? I strongly suggest that you do....even the best of places are short staffed right now and you don't want your dad slipping thru the cracks.

ces2695: Perhaps you could pose your query to the Memory Care facility.

They will most certainly (and are required by law in NJ) to notify you of any emergency conditions like falls and will also notify you of behavioral issues (being agressive with staff, other residents etc) however they are not very likely to call you periodically to tell you "everything is good" in the best of circumstances and with the continuing labor shortages this is really not going to happen. If you would like a weekly update you might ask the nursing staff to do this. And of course, you can call them just to check up on your Dad.

Most medical facilities are understaffed and dealing with COVID guidelines.

My mom's facility DOES call, at times, with updates. But, not as frequently as I would like. So, I make sure to communicate with them.

If I see or hear anything concerning, I contact THEM. I visit in person often, and I also see my mom via Google Duo. I listen and observe how the staff treats not only my mom, but the other residents.

I'm fairly confident that they are doing their best, but things can slip by, since they are understaffed.

So, can you expect updates? It depends on your facility.

I think you should visit as often as you can to make sure everything’s
going well and your LO ok and we’ll cared for. Can’t wait for care home to call you !!!
but think you would know that

If you're asking for updates my question would be "Is anyone visiting him to get these updates?"Unless illness or out of state someone should be able to see for themself. And it is true no call probable means everything is OK.I imagine most nursing homes don't give updates unless called. Myself I'm lucky that I'm retire so I see my mom just about everyday for a couple of hours so I know how she's doing,memory care, but they do call me if something serious happens when I'm not there. Where my mom is there are at least 20 people in the memory section so the aides and nurses are pretty busy.

I generally have to call and ask for information unless there is an incident of any kind. Sometimes it requires several calls to several people to get results, sadly.

You would hear from them if there were unmanageable problems.

Have you tried calling and asking about him?

My experiences in caring for some people who are in facilities is that almost never, with rare exception, unless something happens, will a facility initiate the "status quo" calls to the families. That is up to the families to initiate.

Answered Jan 16, 2022
Decisions around caregiving: If you could go back in time and could put your loved one in a facility, would you do it? Don't trust assisted living what they say they will do. I would never trust nursing homes.
Until nursing home assisted living make their facilities safety has or will change I would not recommend seniors to go there. For the reason listed below.
COVID-19 tore through long-term care facilities across the country, accounting for a third of coronavirus deaths during the first year of the pandemic. Tragic tales of deaths due to problems with testing, personal protective equipment and infection control emerged at state veterans’ homes in Massachusetts, New Jersey, and Texas.
The inspector general’s report on the VA Illiana Health Care System in Danville is the first to publicly detail extensive breakdowns at a facility operated by the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs. The agency runs a system of 134 nursing homes that serve roughly 9,000 veterans a day across 46 states, the District of C
An examination by the Government Accountability Office in June found there were 3,944 cases and 327 deaths among residents of VA nursing homes from March 2020 through mid-February. The cumulative case rate among residents was 17% and the death rate was 1%.
Those numbers are miniscule compared to nursing homes nationwide, where researchers estimate there were 592,629 cases and 118,335 deaths last year. The death rate among long-term care residents as of March was 8%, according to the COVID Tracking Project

We placed my mom in a NH but she also has dementia. When we did the intake, they asked when we wanted to do regular updates and how (phone, letter, in person). She has been there since last June and we have had 2 of these comprehensive updates. But whenever I have a question I call and they connect me to someone that can answer. It is a small facility and I know the staff are very busy so I don’t expect random updates in between. If yours doesn’t have that arrangement, maybe you can set it up with them. Or just call and ask when you are wondering. You have that right.

The only time a care facility, NH, MC, or AL is going to call with an update is if something happened, or your resident is sick, or if a doctor wants a different treatment or medication started. Sometimes they don't even call a person's next of kin for that. If they believe they're owed some money, they will "update" the phone calls non-stop. I once had 33 voicemails left for me over a week-end from the business office of the nursing home my father was in. They were trying to get more money. Since they were not owed anything, I didn't respond. They're not calling just to say everything is fine.
You didn't do anything wrong in picking the MC facility your father is in.
No care facility, even a top-shelf one, is going to make a wellness call or email just to tell a family member everything is good. They should do this, but no one does.
The

I get zero communication from my mother's memory care staff unless I ask. Even then, they act like I'm a nuisance. They don't write anything down. If I ask if she had a bath, they always say, "Oh, you'll have to ask the aide that was on duty." That's their favorite excuse. They are not used to family members being around and they like it that way. I visit my mother every day and have to fight for every little thing. I am so sick of everyone using the "short staff" excuse too! The Care Plan meetings are a waste of time. They are just a paperwork formality. They don't really try to solve any issues. The doctor who supposedly makes rounds doesn't communicate with me at all. They won't let me put a camera in her room because she has a roommate.

Since every healthcare place is working short-staffed, you probably need to request updates as often as you wish. So, call weekly. If they can out of the blue it is usually because of an issue.

I don’t know where you are from, but I can barely get answers when I visit daily. They are so short staffed I do most of his care as I pay $9,200. A month! This is the best skilled nursing facility in Charlotte NC! Things are awful.

Nursing facilities will usually do a care plan call every three months. I would call weekly to check on him and go and see him as well. They will call you if anything changes (falls, illness, change in medical condition, etc. iin his condition as long as you have POA and/or Medical Directive. If you can go weekly, I would suggest taking care of his laundry. Nursing facilities are infamous for losing and stealing clothing. You can buy name tags to iron in the tag area of his clothes. They stay on very well.

Keep communication regular with the facility and set the tone and convey your expectations. Write well thought out letters for his care and wishes as often as needed.

Best of luck!

My mom has a private room and she has little recall on her day or activities. I put a blink camera in the room. She thinks it is a speaker and it is that too. I also got an Alexa show so I can drop in to see and talk to her. This has helped me so much in seeing how often she gets up during the night and the way the staff interact with her as well as when she may need help. One time, when she tripped, she called out for help because she doesn’t remember how to push the pendant and Alexa texted me. I was able to see what happened because of the blink recording and drop in on the Alexa and talk her through pushing the pendent. I did not ask permission from the facility, I just put them in there. The facility eventually put up a surveillance sign on the door. It has helped me when mom has had inaccurate recall. For example, she thinks she ate or didn’t eat and it bothers her. Or, she cannot remember what the doctor said and wants me to find out. One thing I don’t appreciate is that the doctor sees her without letting me know and Mom cannot talk to him about facts because she doesn’t remember. Having the camera allows me the ability to drop in on Alexa and be part of the conversation.

If the facility is Medicare/Medicaid approved and your loved one is there with either paying or making some payment towards the care, then YES there is a legal duty of the facility to provide updates "no less than every 90 days" or if there is a "change in status." State laws/rules may require other things too above and beyond the federal law/rules.

The "no less than every 90 days" contact is called a "care plan meeting" and with COVID these generally are conference calls now of about 15 minutes. The unit nurse will review all meds Rx and OTC meds, labs and any care plan changes upcoming. They generally try to have your loved one on this call too (depending on their capacity to understand). And as your loved one's representative, you can ask questions and suggest new medical things that may be considered and/or warranted. Then the social worker usually takes over and reviews things such as activities and social adjustment or not. Sometimes others may be on the call too -- the dietician, a PT or OT provider -- if there is something specific any of them need to raise. But any of the previously noted folks on the health care team will take a call (not like one should call every day and waste their time) and they will answer questions.

I have had several one-on-one calls with the dietician, as my mom was not eating well and we had to work on several ideas to try to resolve that and now my mom gets to pick her food options a week in advance rather than having something delivered to her room that she does not like. Yes, previously she would get to pick from two options for lunch and dinner daily, but that was too many decisions every day and she'd forget to do it by the 11 am deadline. So the solution was for an aide to help her on Saturday, to pick all choices for the upcoming week all at one time. And we also worked on more "finger food/bite sized" options as she only has the use of one arm, so if food needs to be cut she cannot realistically eat it.

I think they are more open to more regular calls at the beginning of a placement as obviously this is all new for you and for your loved one. Over time, and as things settle down, I have found the communication wanes (frankly is not necessary) unless there is a "change in status." ANYTIME there is a "change in status" I get a call from the floor nurse if something simple: "we are doing labs this week," "your mom is getting her flu vaccine this week," "we added a new Rx as your mom has a UTI, it is Y Rx and Z dosage and she will take it for 2 weeks."

If there is any major medical "change in status" her assigned physician at the facility calls me, like when my mom tested positive for COVID the first week of Jan. I have also found that my mom's assigned physician (a board certified geriatrician and internist) as well as the other MDs on her team (geriatric psychiatrist, the psychologist, and the neurologist) all will call me back if I have questions (not many now) but there was a lot of communication early when my mom was first placed AND following the workup an diagnosis for dementia.

And now with the Omicron outbreak at my mom's nursing home that started the first week of Jan., I get a robo call any day there is a new positive case be that among the residents, the staff OR vendors. Somewhat anyone, but I have gotten used to it now as there has been a daily call almost every day since 1/3/22. And they post the actual number of confirmed cases and cases recovered on their website so you can see just how bad it is. They went from 5 in early Jan to over 50 within 3 week, but now it is 1 or 2 so thankfully dropping. The website also posts the % of fully vaccinated and boosted among residents, staff and vendors too which is about 98% for all of them. The post their COVID-death number too if any and thankfully just one since Jan.

All to say, the amount of communication depends on the facility, your loved one and what is going on with him/her and there.

Why? Do you visit, say, once a week? If you can't, that's more unsettling. But facilities should be in touch with you if there are any concerns, worsening conditions. Other than that,...

Between the facility and hospice, no news is good news. I think it’s really good to visit often because staff will know family will be checking in on their loved one. There were quarterly meetings about his care which I conducted on speakerphone since I live 1600 miles away. This year the facility was excellent at contacting me when Covid showed up and visiting was affected—they even called on weekends. Now that my brother is in decline his hospice nurse has been in touch frequently.

I had care meetings every 90days. Updates were done when I visited. I would stop at the desk and ask how Mom was doing. I got a call if there was any emergency. They have to call you when they fall. I got called for a skin tear. I am well aware that the elderly get these and its no ones fault. Its just what it is.

To be honest these Nurses don't have the time to keep families updated on every little thing. If you don't hear anything, in my opinion, that is a good thing. You would not believe the records they need to keep for the State. Care plans have to be set up.

And yes, there are residents who are left off and forgotten. My daughter has even said there r families that will do anything to keep someone alive because them dying means they no longer have that persons SS check to help with the families expenses. So sad.

Before the plague hit, my mother's Memory Care was doing regular care conference meetings once a quarter. They'd email to set up a phone or in-person conference with me as her POA to talk about how she was doing, updates, etc. Then it all went south once Covid hit.

I think you should ask for such a care conference meeting with your father's Memory Care and see if they're amenable to such a thing. Otherwise, call over there to your heart's content for updates, as I do.

I know this will sound terribly blunt, but yes you were wrong to expect it as a routine part of the service.

There are two things that matter: #1 is the facility keeping complete and accurate records? (probably, yes) #2 are they happy to answer any questions and give updates when requested, and when they do this do they also sound as if they know which resident they're talking about?

And why isn't it done routinely? Well, some (one) of the reasons are (is) really obvious, and that's lack of time. To provide routine updates to all persons on each client's list of nominated contacts would occupy many staff hours AND would either mean giving an administrator access to confidential information which s/he would not normally have, or would present a task for caregivers or nursing staff which (with all respect and love to my coworkers) is likely to be beyond their communication skills (especially if you're expecting anything in writing).

Even more sadly, and it still makes me well up to think of it, not all families want to know. I will not forget sitting with my sister during a respite care assessment and being asked by the (best I have ever, ever met) manager if we wished to be contacted with updates about our mother. "Of course!" we chimed, "who wouldn't?" "You'd be surprised," she said quietly.

And then there are of course those residents who have no one to inform.

So. All in all, no it isn't routine. But you can always ask for the name of a nominated contact, and call in for updates at agreed intervals, no?

I don't get regular updates, but they do call me if my mother has seen the doctor and adjusted medications; they also call me when my mom is agitated to let her speak to me, and sometimes after a rough patch they call me back to let me know everything is better, and what she's up to. I can call them whenever I want and ask how she's doing. We also have regular, scheduled care conferences via phone and I get detailed updates then. I visit frequently, too, and talk to staff then, so this is a lot of communication, in my opinion - I feel like I have a good insight into her care and her days.

Thanks for the answer. I just assumed we'd be given regular updates on how he's adjusting, if there are issues, etc. We only get told of issues if we ask. We are only 4 weeks into this and went from from daily care to now only seeing him once a week. Its just strange not knowing how he's doing.

I never got updates. The only time I was ever called is when there was an incident.

I think asking to be kept updated is asking them to take away from the actual care required or hire another staffer, both have negative consequences.

Go visit as often as possible and don't worry about them calling you. If you are curious, pick up the phone and call.