By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Demand.
May I ask you why?
At the time you first allowed your mother to move in with you she was still relatively young.
How and why did that occur?
That a well mother moved in with you when relatively young is already an unusual thing. It means you had a somewhat unusual relationship at the time you thought that was a good idea. A relationship in which you thought it was a good idea?
What has changed overall.
I think that you DO know, at 78, you mother MAY have (if healthy) another two decades of life left.
Have you sat with her at any point in the last 11 years and said "Mom, it really isn't working with us being roommates; I would like you to find your own place and sure am willing to help you find one nearby; this melding and enmeshment isn't good for us, and isn't working for me". Have you done this at a point when you aren't bickering with one another?
Is there an honest relationship with one another where you have honest discussions without rancor about what is and isn't working?
I think that a Forum of absolute strangers to you and your mom, with no knowledge whatsoever of an 11 year relationship living together, wouldn't be a good gage of what should happen here.
What happens is up to you.
I would now have the honest relationship with mom if I wanted her out. I wouldn't make it an option. I would say that this isn't working for you; that you would love her nearby, and will be there as she adjusts and moves on to more care when needed, to assist with her moves, but don't wish to live together anymore--that you wish to live alone. Hopefully mom has good savings to assist in this.
Good luck.
Tell her that you need your home, life and family back to yourself and it's long past due that she too gets on with her life on her own.
You SHOULD NOT feel any guilt for wanting your home back, as you and your children deserve that much. And the fact that your mental health is now suffering definitely puts a sense of urgency on things.
So tell mom she has until the end of November to find a new place to live. And don't back down. You'll be glad you stood up for yourself and your family.
Think about what you are doing to your kids having them in this environment.
Tell her don't ask, set your boundaries and stick to them. Sending support your way!
Would your Mom be able to budget for living in a senior facility. I remember back when my Dad moved into Independent Living at a senior facility, he was paying $5k (that was a few years ago). He loved it there, and had said he wished he would have moved in years earlier. His rent included weekly housekeeping and linen service. Plus dinner in a restaurant style community dining room. I remember seeing some of the ladies, they were dressed "to the nines" :)
If budgeting for Independent Living isn't durable, check to see if there are any senior apartments where the rent is based on ones income (social security, pension, etc.) Some larger metro areas are building new ones.
Where I live there are HUD apts. Rent is 30% of her monthly income. Electric is not included, nor phone, nor the cost of cable. Cable? Maybe a good antennia. Electric? A/C would cost but can work around that with a few tricks. Phone? Tracfone or something similar is the cheap way to go.