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Best,
Carol
Hope this helps,
My thoughts are
#1- you really need to find a way to have time off every week.
#2- squishy earplugs. they don't have to totally block sound, but they take the edge off while allowing you to communicate with your mom.
#3- push back. i find when a sound really aggravates me, if I "reply" by humming, singing or verbally countering in some way, it is as if I am equalizing the pressure :-) With your mom, just think of it as part of a conversation. Her: "Oh ho ho", you "yes sirree!" I'm not being facetious, it really helps.
it's almost funny and like groundhog day because it is the same thing every day....she will say " i dont know what's wrong today"
I was beginning to challenge her by asking what is different today being that she says it all the time. She gets angry when I question her....about ANYTHING!!!!!!
then she let's out these loud sounds of pain when she does something. It's scarey! Startling.....I really dont know what to pay attention to anymore.
seriously...it is constant. There is never a time that there is silence and it is very disturbing...and depressing.
I think about mentioning it but refrain in fear of her exploding at me saying that all I do is criticize her bt I think I would want my daughter to make me aware of this if she isn't already because it is very very hard to be around.
It certainly sounds as if dementia is part of the issue. From my non-medical view, it seems likely that it's a form other than the most common Alzheimer's - either that or your mom is presenting issues differently, which is possible.
I'm so glad that you are taking her to a neurologist. If this doctor has no suggestions for ways to help your mom (and you), you may want to seek a second opinion. Personality changes are more common with some types of dementia than others. Medications can't bring your mom back like she was but we can hope that something will help control the symptoms.
Please keep coming back to read comments from others who've been in your shoes, as well as to tell us how you are doing.
Carol
My mom lays on her bed while I work in the room next to her and chats it up with my living brother on the "air phone" all day long. I moved her in with me when my younger brother passed because the stress of everything was just too much for her to handle.
I went through a divorce after 22 years during all of this. I don't have a spouse to help me and my children don't come around at all because they resent the time and attention I have to give to her. They also resent the fact that I am not 100% (far from it) -- constantly emotionally wrought with the current or pending crisis.
Lately I find myself feeling so angry and resentful. I have asked her siblings for help -- they don't have time. The grandchildren won't help. I am so tearful and just cannot concentrate. I am really worried about myself and don't know how I will ever have a life again. I should be enjoying my time with her, but instead I am devastated every single day by a new development in her dementia.
I just needed to complain :) Thanks.
My son who has Aspergers used to make non-stop mouth noises when he was in elementary & middle school. It almost drove me insane, but it was a calming fidget behavior for him. Gum and just telling him "you're doing it again" eventually got us through it.
I remember my grandmother making "mmm-mmm-mmm" hum type sounds all the time and it nearly drove my aunt (who was the caregiver) to the insane asylum.
The only way to stop the noises is to completely distract her. If my mom is engrossed in a movie she likes? Not a peep out of her. Helpful, yes, but also a burden to feel as though you have to be responsible for keeping her entertained on top of everything else. *sigh*.
I REALLY LIKE THE SUGGESTIONS OF:
Taking some time off for you. A day or 2 1/2 day's will make you feel like you have a new life. Possibly just try 5 hours twice a day. If you cannot fit that into your budget, I know that many Senior Centers have an Adult Day care, and the cost is (at least in my area) $50.00 for twice a week, Tuesday and Friday, 10:00am -- 4:00pm (includes lunch, and depending on your situation, most all in our area take the bus. It is fantastic, and I do know that our communities in WA state are really taking a focus on making sure that our elderly loved one's as well as child care and meals for the grade school children, are being funded.
I was also going to suggest, if you have nothing financially to spare to go to your local Senior Center or look on the internet, as either Hospitals or Senior Centers do have Volunteers to come in, but I don't know how long, I would assume 2 times a week for 4 hours a day.
Good Luck.
Don't reprimand, punish, or give any consequences to mom for this behavior or it is considered elder abuse. The dementia brain can no longer learn, so there is no way to train, reward, or punish this out of her. Your poor mother needs care and understanding. You probably need a respite break.
Call your local area agency on aging (in the US) and ask for help finding a respite care facility. You can get some down time and recuperate. I'm sure your nerves are shot from the stress of the situation.
You will want to rule out a urinary tract infection, medication conflict, or some other brain-related problem that might not be dementia. Only a doctor can help you at this point.
Do whatever it is that must be done to get this lady seen!