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Would it be possible to call hospice in at this time? I think that their attitude is a little different than that of the nursing home staff and it might be a comfort to you.
I have heard pneumonia called the "old person's friend" and that it is a relatively comfortable way to die. Hospice can advise you on the best ways to keep Mother comfortable without attempting a cure.
My husband had Lewy Body Dementia for more than nine years. During that time he took antibiotics many times for diagnosed or suspected pneumonia. His quality of life was decent. But at the end, when quality was largely gone, I would not have treated pneumonia, for all the reasons you are questioning doing so.
I hope that you can get support from hospice. If that is not available, talk to a doctor about the best ways to promote comfort at this time.
Hugs to you in this difficult time.
Hospice often provides their services in Nursing Homes. Talk to the hospice organization about how this works.
Mum was very agitated and unable to speak (from the stroke - her left side was totally unresponsive, and doctors were unsure what other damage there was - at this stage their priority was to treat the pneumonia), but I was able to communicate with her by asking questions and getting her to squeeze my hand. She affirmed that she was in pain and wanted me to get her help. I asked to speak to her Consultant, who was really sympathetic, but explained that pain relief (morphine) would counteract the antibiotics, and therefor Mum could not have both.
I asked for time and went back to have a one-sided conversation with Mum. She wanted pain relief and was frightened - God rest her soul. I explained to the Consultant, and treatment was switched to 'palliative' care. Within the hour, Mum was fitted with a syringe-driver containing morphine, a sedative to make her less anxious, and a drug to suppress the secretions from the pneumonia. The staff were wonderful, and Mum passed away peacefully 10hrs later.
The advice given to get Hospice in is very good. I see where the nursing home is coming from in wanting to give antibiotics, and I understand (having had it explained to me) that morphine can't be given at the same time.
Your Mum doesn't have to suffer, and sad to say that she may not in fact respond to the antibiotics at all - of course, the opposite may be true !
You have a difficult choice, and hospice will be able to help.
Thoughts are with you x