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I am so overwhelmed and don't know how much longer I can keep this up. My mother lives in her own home and cannot cook for herself or really groom herself. I am over her house twice a day (before work and after work). My siblings do not help out, but just cause confusion.
They call this a sandwich generation (rasing your children on top of caring for a senior parent).
It is not a pretty picture and we "sandwich" generation kids have a tough row to hoe.
I am praying for both of you, dstock and nina! It's not easy, I know...! The guilt, the worry, the lack of help from family... don't get me started!
I only can try to put things into place when I get to be an elderly person because I do not want to put this burden on my children. This is such an ruff life to go through and especially being young and want to taste LIFE.
Carol
My husband says that I always put her needs before my children....
My family and marriage have both suffered as a result of her demands and needs. I have given what I have, but she never appreciates it and never seems to care about my other obligations.
It is hard and I am glad my son is 19 now that I am a caregiver for my mom. Good Luck.
I'm 52 and my disabled with is 54. We have one son in college who is 18 and another son who is in his junior year of high school who is 17. My mother continues with her dementia and is 78. All of this pressure sure makes living with my bipolar II disorder quite a challenge along with continuing to adjust to going on disability myself and not working since 2003.
A friend of mine has his 80 year old mother now living with him and his wife along with two grandchildren that his daughter abandoned plus they have his unemployed son with his wife and small child. Whenever, I feel that I have it bad, I just think about his household and I know that I could not live like that.
Thanks for sharing your story. You are quite a survivor. My what opposites you have experienced with your son's other grandmother whose health kept her from doing what she wanted to do which was frustrating and now your mother who wants to be waited on hand and foot which is frustrating also for as you wrote, she's lazy. I think it's time for a family conference where some talking about expectations, responsibilities, within people's abilities and time needs to take place. I'm sorry to hear why your son had to come home, but it is great that he is so helpful. However, if he replaces what she could actually be doing but is not because she is lazy, then he will not have much of a chance to get his own life back together and move on with it. That's my 2 cents worth anyhow.
We are in the process of selling our house and going to a 55 and over, taking her with us because we don't have a choice and brother does nothing. I have help and she pays for it since I am not about to give up my life. Nursing home may be an option soon, but not until we have to. But when we do, she is going and I will feel no guilt. We have done all we can and have given her a good home.
Jenilou is right, take care of yourself! No one else will!!