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Please try to be easy on yourself - remind yourself that you're doing the best that you can under a difficult situation and push yourself to switch your thoughts (however challenging that is) to something positive - you're a "doggie-mom", and there's nothing better than pet therapy...focusing on that - being kind to yourself by reminding yourself of your strength, courage and how many positive things you've done to help your husband - and to understand that you are not responsible for your husband's health - and that kind of mindset is setting yourself up for an impossible and unrealistic standard. Also, the more you can do to replenish yourself, the better - such as spending time with others or doing things that you enjoy, it can help to lift your mindset.
Wishing you peace of mind and continued strength ~
DoggieMom, it's so understandable how you are feeling. I think we become conditioned over time to our situations and then when it changes it takes time to adjust.
(((Hugs and))) continue to take care of yourself.
Closing one chapter and starting a new one can be quite intimidating for some folks, and perhaps even more so for someone like you with autism.
Starting over can be scary, but I can tell you first hand that it also can be very exciting and even fun.
You're going to be ok, and Mark is going to be ok too. You have both made your decisions to move on and move forward without each other, so time now to start looking forward to what the future holds for you.
Give yourself time. Moving is full of shocks, and discomforts. You will, I trust, know when you need to seek counseling.
If you are under stress, not getting adequate sleep these even not eating properly can be triggers.
I presume you have talked to a therapist. If not it might be time to take some time for yourself and if it has been a while you might want to do a few sessions.
And another thought it may not PTSD again rearing it's ugly head but possibly what you might want to call "anticipatory grief".
Again this is something that is worth talking to a therapist about.
I will tell you something that you already know in your head...YOU are not responsible for his condition. But knowing something in your HEAD is different than knowing it in your HEART. For this...let your Head over rule your Heart.
I was becoming the old me that I didn't like.
And remember, you are not responsible for mark. Mark is his own person .
He is gone , the stress is gone, you can finally breath!!
Little things trigger memories in people and PTSD pokes it's head into are lives again. Even a smell can be triggering. Give it some time for your life to adjust.
Accuputure has really benefited me too. It is expensive. But it helps
Best of luck to you.
Best Wishes.