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I had PTSD before but lately it has been rearing it’s ugly head where I am scared to sleep. Mainly dreams and thoughts filled with my Mark dying and feeling responsible. I wake up crying and covered in sweat.

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HI Doggiemom - PTSD is challenging to manage and I understand how so many difficult emotions surface while trying to sleep. Sleep should be a time when one is able to rest their mind and replenish, but with PTSD and caregiving, it sometimes feels extremely hard to do - unpleasant thoughts and fears can flood one's mind. It's understandable.

Please try to be easy on yourself - remind yourself that you're doing the best that you can under a difficult situation and push yourself to switch your thoughts (however challenging that is) to something positive - you're a "doggie-mom", and there's nothing better than pet therapy...focusing on that - being kind to yourself by reminding yourself of your strength, courage and how many positive things you've done to help your husband - and to understand that you are not responsible for your husband's health - and that kind of mindset is setting yourself up for an impossible and unrealistic standard. Also, the more you can do to replenish yourself, the better - such as spending time with others or doing things that you enjoy, it can help to lift your mindset.

Wishing you peace of mind and continued strength ~
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Rbuser1 Apr 27, 2024
What a kind response to DoggieMom, it spoke to me, too.
DoggieMom, it's so understandable how you are feeling. I think we become conditioned over time to our situations and then when it changes it takes time to adjust.
(((Hugs and))) continue to take care of yourself.
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Try acupuncture it saved me . My PTSD was under control But My father became very manic and OCD , temper tantrums , what Not , Odd behavior . I had gained weight . But I did really feel Like I was having a nervous breakdown and went to an acupuncture clinic for 4 years till they Moved . It helped me relax my Mind , gave myself some space to meditate and Not be in a constant state of Panic .
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DoggieMom86 Apr 27, 2024
I can look into it. I have not had any myself but why not?
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Or is it actually just fear coming from the thought of starting over without your Mark (yes I found it a bit odd that you referred to your soon to be ex as "my Mark"), and you just being really scared about it all? Surely you're not having second thoughts about divorcing him are you?
Closing one chapter and starting a new one can be quite intimidating for some folks, and perhaps even more so for someone like you with autism.
Starting over can be scary, but I can tell you first hand that it also can be very exciting and even fun.
You're going to be ok, and Mark is going to be ok too. You have both made your decisions to move on and move forward without each other, so time now to start looking forward to what the future holds for you.
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DoggieMom86 Apr 27, 2024
If I typed that, I apologize. When I use an I-Pad I make typos. Am I afraid of starting again, why lie, yes I am. I am scared, but it is a have to for my mental health and financial health. It is scary but I need to do it.
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You have told us of your conditions, and this move will likely bring a lot to the fore.
Give yourself time. Moving is full of shocks, and discomforts. You will, I trust, know when you need to seek counseling.
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So many things can "trigger" an episode of PTSD. It is not all loud noises, gunfire, backfiring cars (do cars even backfire now days?)
If you are under stress, not getting adequate sleep these even not eating properly can be triggers.
I presume you have talked to a therapist. If not it might be time to take some time for yourself and if it has been a while you might want to do a few sessions.

And another thought it may not PTSD again rearing it's ugly head but possibly what you might want to call "anticipatory grief".
Again this is something that is worth talking to a therapist about.

I will tell you something that you already know in your head...YOU are not responsible for his condition. But knowing something in your HEAD is different than knowing it in your HEART. For this...let your Head over rule your Heart.
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DoggieMom86 Apr 27, 2024
Yeah, I am trying to get better sleep and do take meds for PTSD. I had a sleep study (little mobile unit) and moaned the entire night so I got put on Prazozin. I see about therapy. I have had anticipatory grief for three years since the lung cancer diagnosis which is NED, for now. I think a part of me knows that it being stage III the cancer could make a comeback or I have a nagging suspicion all the pain in some parts of Mark’s body is cancer hiding out. I kind of knew this life I had here in TX would end. If Mark hadn’t gotten I’ll, our marriage was not healthy and being the sole breadwinner was way too much stress. Maybe I am just dealing with grief and lots of realizations at once.
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I think it's all normal doggiemom, taking care of my mom brought me back the the mentally unhealthy state I was in 20 years ago before I left me x and changed my life with help of therapy.

I was becoming the old me that I didn't like.

And remember, you are not responsible for mark. Mark is his own person .

He is gone , the stress is gone, you can finally breath!!

Little things trigger memories in people and PTSD pokes it's head into are lives again. Even a smell can be triggering. Give it some time for your life to adjust.

Accuputure has really benefited me too. It is expensive. But it helps
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How can you possibly be responsible for the health issues your husband suffers from and him facing the end of his life as a result? Please see your doctor for a referral to a psychiatrist who can talk to you about all of this and also write you a prescription for depression and/or CPTSD.

Best of luck to you.
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I just feel guilt I shouldn’t. My PTSD hung around for a long time being molested at 13 from my brother-in-law and after years got better but still would yell out and have night sweats. I think I feel guilty moving back to my home state and Mark dying once I leave. I don’t know how long he will live, but I still care and feel like I should have done more. I have stress from the move to. I hate feeling like this.
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Get therapy.

Best Wishes.
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Get professional help. Speak to your PCP if insurance requires it.
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