So my mom had a stroke in FEB. then in APR. she fell and hit her face rendering her paralyzed. She was in a hospital in Alabama for two months, while in there she had a stage 4 bedsore and her legs have drawn up under her butt and are literally stuck in that position. The hospital wanted her gone because she didn't have insurance and from what they said didn't need their care any longer. They got a man from dept. of human resources involved and he called me and said if I didn't come and pick her up he was gonna have to turn her over to the state, and we would have to fight the state for guardianship of her which would be VERY hard. So I got scared talked to my husband and we took the 5 hour trip to Alabama from Florida. Probably the worst decision I've ever made!!! They only gave her enough pain meds for 6 days. so she was in horrible pain and I had to detox her from the pain meds. Here is my problem..... she was waiting on Medicaid and SSDI so no one would accept her in a facility, not to mention since hurricane Michael a lot of our nursing homes have been closed. She had a block in her catheter a week ago so I called the ambulance to take her to the ER they unblocked it and later admitted her. She has been there a little over a week and since then her Medicaid has become active. She requires 24 hour care she can't do anything on her own not even eat or drink. The month that I had her was the hardest month of my entire life, so when the hospital took over I was so happy. Now they have put her name out there for nursing homes within a 200 mile radius. The Social worker on my moms case said just Medicaid will not get her in but they will try. Also if they cant find her a facility I would have to let her back in my home. I seriously cannot do that. I have severe RA and physically, mentally, and emotionally cant go through that torture again. Not to mention the room she was in was my 15 yr old autistic sons room who was visiting his dad for 6 weeks of the summer and now he's back I cant make him sleep on the couch. I don't have any medical supplies or room for her. She is currently hooked up to an IV, has a heart monitor on and still has a catheter. Can they force me to allow her to come back to my home? With Medicaid can't they just keep her until a facility will accept her? I don't want to let her come back here. Doesn't she have to be released to a fit facility who can medically care for her? I just can't do it again! I seriously had suicidal thoughts in the month she was here, but thought of my three children and my husband so couldn't break their hearts like that. If anyone is caring for a bedridden parent who needs 24 hr care you know how I feel. I feel guilty not wanting her here but it is soooooo hard to have to care for her. Please help me if you can. I need some advice or resources fast. Everything I look up or try to do, seems like I just hit wall, after wall, after wall . I am desperate I want her to got to a nursing home where she can get the care she needs not come to my home where I am they only one doing the job of 16 people.
Also, do not fall for any idea from them of "temporary" placement to your home. Even if they promise it will just be for "a few days," don't believe them. Once she's in your home, she's out of sight and OUT OF MIND to them. You will be stuck!
Keep up the GOOD WORK in refusing to take her back home. And keep us updated!
The state will become her guardian and they will deal with her. That is going to be the hardest part for you. You lose all control and you can't make any decision for her, about her or her care or where she lives.
Hospitals and social workers are great at bullying people to take in family members that need 24 hour care. Don't cave, tell them she is homeless and they need to help her. You are not obligated to take her. Be prepared for the worst guilt trips anyone has ever tried to lay on you and say NO. You may have to stay away from the hospital and not take their calls for them to get it. I would also put it in writing that she doesn't have a home to go to and you can not be her caregiver. Provide a copy to everyone involved with this situation.
You learned the hard way why facilities exist. Hugs! Hold on is will get rough before it gets over.
That does not make your mother's discharge to your home safe, and that's the key issue. No, they cannot oblige you to accept responsibility. Say no, say no, say no. You CANNOT provide the care your mother needs. You couldn't anyway, even if you didn't have rheumatoid arthritis and an autistic teenager and two other children in your home. She needs skilled nursing care.
I expect the social worker may feel privately aggrieved that a job that would have been handled by the State of Alabama had you not intervened has landed on his plate instead. Sorry for him, but tough. You did a reasonable thing moving your mother to a location where you could support her care, but that does not make you responsible for delivering all of it. It certainly doesn't make you responsible for solving the social worker's problem for him.
Meanwhile, take deep breaths. It doesn't sound as though the hospital expects to release your mother imminently. Has the social worker said what kind of timetable he's working to? Have there been any meetings held or proposed?
And, how is your mother? Is she awake, can she talk to you, are you able to tell whether she is comfortable and feeling safe?
I know how stressful this is for you. My mom required 24\7 care so I know how hard it is, but at least she could feed herself. I was just lucky enough that she could pay for care until she got in a nursing home. Hope everything is quickly settled!