By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Your dad is also stressed.
If he is on traditional Medicare and has a good supplement, he can see a talk therapist for little if any additional cost out of pocket. Other insurance may cover as well. I just know about this one.
So, while the barn is being built he can go vent with the therapist every week, even twice a week. He can do this to help you. It is very hard on ANYONE to do construction. Books have been written, movies made, etc etc. one feels so out of control and at great expense.
It will help.
Also his meds might need tweaking but this is a situational issue that will resolve in time. The therapy will just help him manage his feelings a bit better. He might go for the issue of the construction but find it is helpful to discuss his issues of moving, of losing his Dw to dementia, to not having his own home any more, to feeling he has to run everything by you, you get the idea.
if he won’t go. You go. One of you needs some relief.
I have no advice to offer except that you probably should have read these forums before moving them into the house. You may have tried other alternatives.
If dad is "extremely moody and sensitive," he isn't mentally stable. That always gets worse. You're not going to change him. This is the way he is. When you explain your frustration to him, he doesn't understand. His behavior is similar to how dementia presents in some people.
So you've got two people living with you and your husband, and you deserve to have this time with your husband to yourself. Those early marriage years will never happen again, and you're sacrificing them for your parents. How does your husband feel about this? Do you even know?
Mom is into dementia eight years, and she won't get better either. Ever seen anyone with advanced dementia? Ever cared for one? Do you know what is likely to happen physically? Loss of ability to take care of themselves, like bathing, toileting, walking, talking? Are you prepared to give up your work, postpone having a family, start taking them both to endless doctor and hospital visits? The next few years if you keep them at your house will morph into a version of hell that you didn't know existed.
Cut your losses now, and make sure they get to a continuing care home with a memory care unit. Soon. You'll have no life if you don't.
Forget about the garage barn thing, let them use their money to go into AL,
This will not work, do your own thing. Your marriage will suffer as will your health, not my rules, just how it works.
(MECCA is the Motoring Enthusiasts Club of Central Australia. DH is the web master, and regularly screens out ads for travel and candles from companies who assume a different Mecca. That’s not relevant, but I do understand the pressure on you.)
However as MECCA members age it is very very obvious that owning multiple vehicles at age 84 is not all that bright. Eventually you can no longer drive – one member is miserable about have to ask for lifts. Just looking at them and polishing the fender loses it’s charm. Building yet another bigger shed is just plain stupid. There is already too much money tied up uselessly.
Instead of going along with the difficulties of shed building ON YOUR LAND, talk to your husband about putting your foot (feet?) down. ‘No, it’s too difficult. You can’t drive those multiple vehicles (certainly not more than one at a time) now, let alone in a couple of years’ time. We don’t want to give up the land, or cope with the problems it is bringing both you and us. It isn’t going to be built. You need to start thinking about how to sell the cars instead’.
I realise that you have a bigger problem, but my own DH is in the process of planning and building another shed, also on a difficult slope and needing a connection to the current smaller shed, so your situation touched a nerve with me. Yours, Margaret
Why? So you can help provide care for Mom (with dementia).
Dad will need help with that, absolutely. What his plan there? You work during the day.. will he hire caregivers when his supervision/assistance is no longer enough? Is it expected you will work during the day & be 'on call' for Mom when home? Including evening & overnight?
While Dad goes off to spend time in his giant shed. Hmm
I kind of smell a whiff of *daughter will do everything for us* here..
I forsee a giant sized sit down family chat.
Having an honest discussion about the future. (Actually MANY).
What are your Dad's expectations? VS Yours & your husband's future plans?
I'm not sure you are all on the same page, maybe not even in the same book.. you have a 'Dutiful Daughter Guidebook' but Dad may have a very old fashioned manual 'Men - Retirement: Sheds. The Rest is Woman's Work'.