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Dementia is a wicked thing. You look at them and think " oh this is Mom, or Granny, and I love her soo much", then they start saying the nastiest, inappropriate things, like theyve become posessed, or regress and start callin you Mom and acting childlike.
I used to say my Mom was like a child with a shotgun. Looks innocent, frail and weak, until she became anxious or mad, then all hell broke loose. Unfortunately she heard me say that phrase once, and started telling anyone who would listen that I was afraid shed shoot my kids.. Well come to find out , she did have not on but 3 guns in my home.. there honestly were some days I was afraid for mine and my kids safety.... BTW,,, moms in a nursing home now, she hates it, hates me, but shes safe.... good luck to you
We can all want the best for the people we love. But sometimes life's circumstances change what the "best" looks like. It's easy to see that you don't give the car keys to a 13 year old, or let your child eat only candy. It's harder to see when the person you care for has been independent and now can't be. And the person being cared for may hate the decision. But so does the 13 year would-be driver, and we live with that -- because we know what's best. It sounds like you know what's best, even if grandma would disagree.
It's great that you are seeking advice. Good luck!
It is not worth living in fear; as shortmama said "trust your instincts" - what I've learned is they are never happy no matter where they are - just do the best you can. That is really all any of us can do. They often don't like the NH home, well we don't like being abused on a daily basis - it is unhealthy for all concerned. Take care.
Has she had a diagnosis of dementia and where was she before she came back to your home? The paranoia may be caused by something else. The Alzheimers Assn has been excellent with providing help (you can call 24hrs a day, and so has this site and members. She should also have a thorough exam by a qualified doctor to rule out other issues. My Mother took care of my Dad as he was getting worse, not bathing, not knowing the the bathroom was and not remebering people or things. He had a 3 day a week home health aid , several different ones, and they could not get him to bathe. My Mom did her best to take care of him and still cook and take care of the house, but at 90 years old and almost blind, it was making her a nervous wreck. The kids would periodically ask her if she was ready to let him go and she wasn't for a long time as he was her husband and felt she was the one that should take care of him. Then, she finally decided it was time to place him, the kids all agreed, and we all drove him there and helped him put away his belongings. I miss him so much and cry everytime I go to see him, but I truly believe he is where he belongs. My brother and sister hardly ever go because it is hard for them and they want to remember him the way he used to be. I go about every 10 days and take my Mom. I want to spend as much time with him now as I can.
Make sure you lock all meds, matches, dangerous items, all doors, and remove any scatter rugs.. I sincerely hope that God gives you the grace to deal with this sad situation.
I think you will reach a point when you know when it is time for your loved one.
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