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I am sure there are facilities that have CNA's that speak the language your mom does. Look in an area that has a larger population of people that are from her country. (Every city has pockets of people that settle) It may make it more difficult for you to visit if it is further away but mom would be comfortable around people that came from where she did.
There are not many options here.
1. You keep mom and continue giving up your life and your family. (not a good plan). And her care needs will increase, are you ready for that?
2. Brother and SIL take her back into their home. (highly unlikely, if they could not manage a year ago and her needs have escalated there is no way their marriage would survive now)
3. The doctor that is so convinced that mom would not thrive can take mom into his home and he can care for her. (being a bit, ok a lot, facetious here)
4.. Place mom in AL or other facility that will meet her care needs now and as she continues to decline. (the best solution)
Placing a loved one in any facility is not an easy choice. It is a decision that is come to after long deliberation and it is often long overdue. But when caring for someone reaches a point where it is no longer safe for either party and safety is physical, emotional, mental it is time to make that move.
It is not a "failure" nor a lack of love it is acknowledging that their care is m ore than you can safely do at home.
I should mention one other option.
Hiring caregivers that will come in daily and care for mom. If this is an option you can go through an agency and request a caregiver that speaks mom's language. Or you can hire privately if there is a church or other house of worship that is of her faith that might be a place to find a caregiver that would be aware of the culture.
Thank you for reaching out.
However to say that, makes the whole story clearly unrealistic to expect or hope for. Doctor is totally ignoring whether D (or children and marriage) will 'thrive' too. OK doctors are not counselors for the daughter, or with the daughter’s best health or well-being in mind. But perhaps they should quit the tunnel vision.
Your mom deserves better than you can provide. You deserve better than being forced to take on a job for which you’re not qualified.
Furthermore, a nursing facility is there because patients need it to thrive, not to keep them from thriving. That doctor is spouting nonsense, and did you actually hear the doctor say that? If not, someone is probably lying to manipulate you. Also care facilities are accustomed to language barriers. They manage.
This is the alarm , listen to it . Living with Mom in your home is not fair to you , your spouse , or children.
You could request the staff use an app on a smart phone that translates so they can communicate . I do realize she still won’t be able to talk to other residents unless any speak her language. It’s unfortunate , but you and your family should not suffer because of it . Place Mom in care.
Shame on your brother , he knows how hard it is to take care of her. The doctor is not in your shoes.
That goes for the doctor.
That goes for the brother.
Since you're the one doing the care, you get ALL THE VOTES YOU NEED.
Which is ONE.
Move your mother. You can visit.
Save yourself. And your marriage.
I gotta tell you, my mom's health is failing, and my family is such a mess all frustrated with each other for one reason or another.
It is such a hard time for everyone, and it causes anger and resentment and we all take it out on each other.
For one if your brother can't take mom again, then he gets no vote in this. So ignore what he says.
Secondly, you, your family , your brothers family deserve a life!! This is not working, your mom needs a heck of a lot of care. The amount she needs can only be done by a community of people.
Your husband and your kids deserve a life, they deserve all of you. I'm sure when your with your family in person, your thoughts are still with mom.
You did not make your mom old, you did not ask to be born, you have nothing to feel bad about.
Your family needs peace.
Best of luck to you, 🙏💓
2. What kind of doctor in their right mind tells someone "mother would not thrive in a nursing or Assisted Living due to her language barrier and medical issues"???? Who should move into a nursing home or AL, then, someone in great health with no issues at all? Someone who enjoys spending $6-10k a month for nothing??
The two of these people are speaking gibberish!
Mother needs managed care more than anyone else on earth, and you need to put your bro on mute and quit taking her to this PCP! He may need a cognitive evaluation himself, for petesake.
Don't quit your job and give up your own life to care for mother. Be a daughter instead of a caregiver while she's in managed care, and visit her whenever you'd like. My folks did very well in AL.
Best of luck to you.
Dont become yet another woman screwing over their own future to caregive because of “cultural reasons”.