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If you can get her to give you financial Power of Attorney, you can control her spending and to whom she sends money.
All of us, especially when we’re lonely and feel old and alone, are susceptible to the wily charms of someone, and we refuse to hear they’re only interested in separating us from our money. Mom is no different. She believes what he tells her and will not listen to reason. You are the enemy. You are trying to separate her from her “true love”. You may have to take a hard approach. Tell your mother you can no longer tolerate her hurtful words and juvenile behaviors. You will be finding someplace else for her to live where she can communicate with whomever she wishes and send her money wherever she wants. If she needs care, you will hire an in-home caregiver or send her to Assisted Living. You will not, under any circumstances, give her any money for anything. Firmly explain to her that you no longer want any part of this debacle she is involved in. If she wants to stay in your home, she cuts off all ties with this person...and you will be monitoring her...and she gives you control of her SS money. It won’t be easy, but when this “relationship” with this person crashes and burns that won’t be easy either.
Can you get your mom's phone and/or into her Facebook acct? I ask because if you can; you can call or text this person and tell them that you know they are scamming your mom and you hired a detective and some IT personal and that you will find them. Yes, you are fibing, but they don't know that. However, making this statement will usually scare them into not calling back. Another thing is to change mom's phone number. You need to think outside the box on this.
Stop trying to tell your mom that she is being catfish. The more you push this subject the more she will push back, and sorry to say, you won't win. She will just continue to do it behind your back. All you can do is run interference, unless you can take over your mom's accts, which she has to be deem incompetent. I am sorry that this is happening to your mom and I know you must feel helpless.
I didn't know it at the time but looking back, the first sign of Mom having Dementia was I could not reason with her. She believed a disabled gson with a neurological problem over me. I think Mom needs and evaluation. I hope you have POA because you may need to use it. Mom may need an AL. Then you can take her phone away.
My mom, prior to admission in MC, got taken advantage of by contractors who helpfully left flyers on her door. Each one had a criminal record. We could not prove fraud because they had done enough of the work. But it was incredibly substandard. The DETECTIVE who came to the house and took photos told her, don't deal with kind of people anymore. The good ones,don't do this. You have been scammed. They had figured out that that her memory was very bad. And could say, no you did not pay us for x yet. This was when we had POA but no Guardianship. They would take her to the bank in their car and get cash withdrawals. Because the banks, note plural, would call me. The bank execs tried to tell her she was being taken advantage of. So she lost about 6k to this.
Promised never to do again.
What did she do? Called one of them at 1:30 in the morning to come back and do,more work. This guy had a record for embezzlement. She told him all kinds of untrue things about me. And he quickly figured out how to use me as a wedge, and get more money from her. Nothing you could tell her got through. She could not remember the detective coming.
This started in late July of last year. By late September I finally convinced my sister our POA was not working and we had to get a guardianship. We did. By the end of October, we lied to her, and took her to a geriatric behavioral health facility where she stayed for a week and was discharged to a MC facility, unable to return home.
My dad married a whore from a whorehouse and she can do and say anything and it is his gospel, he is obviously codependent and there is no reasoning, arguing, begging or pleading with it, he knows it all and she is just wonderful. Really difficult waiting for the next train crash but nothing else can be done.
Letting go for yourself is the only way to not be consumed with worry. Hugs, you are doing the right thing for your 1st priority, your family. They need you and she is obviously a user and only cares about herself, time to cut that apron string, snip snip😁
sorry about your dad situation, funny that sometimes blood is not thicker than water.