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My mom (almost 90) has mild dementia, is stubborn and insists on staying at home until she dies. Shortly after she was declared incapacitated by physicians, I suffered burnout and so I hired home help for when I'm not there, without asking her. I told her that while I had made this big decision against her will, ALL SHE HAD TO DO was answer the door and let them in each day and after that, she was in TOTAL charge.
She agreed to that. She probably took pleasure in imagining how she'd yell at them and tell them she didn't need them, that they shouldn't touch her or anything in the house, that her daughter is an awful person, etc, etc. But the agreement appealed to her on some level. I held my breath the first week, let her complain about the plan. But when they started coming over, her ingrained politeness kicked in and she ended up opening the door each day and being (mostly, I assume) nice to them. And now they are nice and helpful to her.
I hope something works for you. It's so hard. Good luck.
Therefore we need more information.
You say your spouse doesn't need PHYSICAL caretaking.
But with a diagnosis of Alzheimer's I am assuming he needs MENTAL care and oversite?
Is that correct?
If so, there is of course no option to whether or not to have oversite. He must have it.
He will then be more comfortable thinking that you're the one needing help and not him, even though you know otherwise.
One way is to introduce someone as your friend and have them spend time with the two of you. Have them do chores with you, cook a meal, visit, watch a program on tv. Then your spouse, depending on his level of disease, will be more comfortable with your helper and you will also have had an opportunity to watch them interact and the helper will have been able to observe the interaction between you and your spouse. A camera is helpful to allow you to determine how he is doing and what you might do to further facilitate their ease in dealing with one another. Perhaps they will work on a puzzle or fold dish towels or walk the dog, rake leaves or shovel snow, not necessarily to complete a job but to have some pleasant exercise.