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You have to do whatever's possible to lessen your mother's stress, and if that's telling a little "fiblet" every now and again, well then so be it.
I wish you the best.
Telling a dementia sufferer that their loved ones are dead just keeps re-traumatizing them over and over again, for no good reason. With no short term memory intact, they'll just keep asking & so you'll just keep repeating the same sad news, so you'll need to come up with places your father is now. At the store, at a business function in another state (that's a good one b/c that'll keep him away for a week or two), getting a haircut, at the gym, whatever. Sometimes mom would look at me thru squinted eyes and yell OH YOU'RE LYING, I KNOW YOU ARE. Then I'd change the subject or offer her a snack, which always lit her up b/c she loved her snacks. Remember, mom has the attention span of a gnat now, so keeping her distracted will be your best bet. That & therapeutic fibs.
Good luck!
A friend of mine had this exact situation with her MIL. Each time they told her “he’s in Heaven” she’d cry… and ask again 10 minutes later. Same answer, she’d cry. So, now he’s simply out.
”He’s at work.”
”He had to go to the store.”
”He’s busy.”
She’d still ask over and over but these answers kept her from getting upset.
I liken it to not telling a young child the bad details of something. Say the kid’s grandma has cancer or is deathly ill. You wouldn’t say to them “Grandma is going to die soon.” You’d be more like “Grandma is in the hospital for now because she’s sick.” No need to go into the harshest aspect that would only confuse and upset the kid. It’s the same with Mom.
Key is not upset her. You want to keep her calm and emotionally / psychologically as even as possible. She is confused and her [parts of her] brain chemistry doesn't work anymore.
One day she might accept the truth and say she understands.
The next day she may ask where he is.
Or the next five minutes.
I would recommend you say whatever works "he's doing an errand and will be back later." And then change the subject.
You might need to try different strategies at different times.
Keep calm, change the subject, perhaps ask her about memories if you feel that would bring her any joy although she may not be able to recall - and this might frustrate her. Bring her flowers and say they are from him. Things like this will make her feel loved.
Dementia is learning a new language. It takes self patience and compassion for both you and the dementia inflicted person.
"He is on a long out of town trip"
"He had to go out for a bit"
"He is visiting an older family member"
"He is busy working"