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I placed my mom in a memory care. Despite the impacts that dementia can have on their behavior, I am a firm believer their personality can have a significant impact on their adjustment. My mom was a shy, and introverted. All of her life, she enjoyed her own company more than any other. So, it was not surprising that the things that make a memory care / ALF great, like social activities, joint dining etc, were just absolutely horrible to her.
I had an additional issue where my memory care changed owners which made the transition even more rocky. It took my mom about 6 weeks to go from crying and "hating" it to "liking her room". I could never get her to dine with others. She refused. She did learn to love a couple of activities.
However, because of her personality and because of the management issues, I visited every day. She did not like the food (not surprising) so I made a meal every day to make sure she was getting enough calories. My friends on the forum told me to stay away but I just could not since I had to monitor the care closer than I anticipated.
She passed 5 months after I placed her for many reasons but did adjust to her new surroundings.
I guess I am saying that it was the hardest thing I have every done and it takes time for them to adjust (and for you to adjust). If she has only been there 3 weeks, give it time.
I went through exactly the same with my mum. We agreed to try a mood stabilizer and it really helped her. She became much more positive and relaxed and it was a good decision. Hope that helps!
No matter how old you are moving into a new place is difficult.
(A friend of mine is in an Independent Living facility, very nice I call it a "cruise ship on land" lot of things going on. But the people are just like they were in High School, cliques form and it can be difficult for a new resident to find niche.)
The facility should what they can to get your mom involved and get her to not isolate.
I would suggest that before they try the antianxiety medications.
I also suggest that when you are visiting get involved in an activity WITH her. When you leave do so when she is involved with something. Even if it is when she is having lunch or dinner. Get her seated and QUIETLY leave. Don't tell her good bye just leave. Or if there is an activity get her involved in that and leave.
Getting acclimated can take time.
How long has she been in care?
I certainly think this is worth discussion with her MD.
Sometimes a low dose anti-depressant helps, and sometimes it doesn't. The fact is that this isn't a happy experience, and there is little sense to trying to "make it happy" all the time.
You know your loved one much better than we do. If the time for any "talk therapy is over; cannot be reasonably done" then I would consider a mood elevation medication to see if it helps.
I sure wish you good luck.