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The flip side of the coin is a 90 year old that has to "depend on her kids" to clean, do shopping, organize medications and because of the medications is a fall risk in the 2 story home she refuses to leave, the one that has a laundry in the basement, and so the kids have to figure a safe way for her to do laundry or they have to add that to their weekly list of chores to do for mom so that she can remain "independent"
There is also a vast difference between your mom and the 90 year old dad that has dementia and can no longer safely live at home, alone but no one wants to upset him because some promise was made years ago that no one will put dad "in a home".
So sometimes there is a valid reason for taking an elderly person out of their home.
The decision should be based on the SAFETY of the elderly person AND the safety of the people caring for that person.
Deciding that mom or dad, grandma or grandpa can no longer live in their home is not an easy decision. Deciding where that person should live is also not an easy decision. It should be based on the level of care needed and what people can do. ( I honestly do not know if I could do now for my Husband what I did 10, 15, 20 years ago)
I respect ANY decision that is made where the safety and respect of all concerned is taken into consideration.
I'm really glad your Mom is currently fine. My Mom is now 95, lives next to me, and was pretty fine until about a year ago. Last week her driver's license got cancelled after she failed an assessment. This spring she asked for meds for depression and it has helped her a lot, but she still has rounds of paranoia, sundowning and increasingly poor memory.
Her osteoarthritis in her back, knees and hands, plus the neuropathy in her fingertips, is making her semi-independence more difficult. Thankfully I made her get hearing aids 4 years ago so that she can still engage with her family and neighbors, but I have to go over there everyday to put them in or she often forgets (plus the neuropathy makes it hard for her to put them in).
I'm not sure what the point of your post is? I agree that if a senior has all their faculties they can and should make their own decisions about where and how they live -- but if remaining in their homes means leaning on family to make that possible... then all is not what is seems. Although I have been attending all my Mom's medical appointments with her, I was surprised at how poorly she did on the cognitive tests for her driving (executive functioning, judgment, decision-making). If you don't see your Mom every day, you may be surprised, too. My neighbors think my Mom is "sharp as a tack".
FYI, my Mom's older sister fell 3x in her own home in the presence of family caregivers (broke bones each time). At 100 her last fall (on carpeting) broke her hip.
I quite agree, there is no reason to force things if all is going well. However it’s also important to be flexible. Don’t say ‘never’.
Take Mom for her yearly physical. If you or she feel she needs to see a doctor then you make an appt. If questioned why you do not come more often, relay what you said here.
Does Mom say she doesn’t want to go out ?
Think about how we all felt during covid lock down, and the mental harm it did us all.
PS sorry about the bitcom hacker