By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Have you tried pointing out to your mom that her own physical health is at risk and that if she had to go into the hospital, there will be no one to care for him?
Ask her what is the plan if she sprains her ankle, or takes a bad fall, or gets sick and can’t get out of bed? Who is going to take care of her, and who is going to take care of him while she recovers?
And what if she dies first?
How about calling the County Area Agency of Aging where your Mom lives . They can send a social worker out to the home to possibly help Mom navigate this and get her husband some calming meds.
IMO your mom should not be his caregiver any longer , but mom being a long time abuse victim may not even listen to the social worker about placement .
At some point one of them may get hurt or fall. I hope it’s not your mother .
Your mother has refused your help.
The best you can do now is to tell mother that you are a phone call away. That she can leave whenever she wishes. Do not make announcement of any leavetaking, but go and help your mother to removed one half of their assets the best she can into a private account in her name only. Then to leave, reporting to his family that he is alone and in need of care, and to APS that he is a senior at risk in need of emergency intervention.
Once you let your mother know this, it is done. Let it go. There is nothing you can do. And you need to tell your mother that she needs to stop telling you all about her burdens if she doesn't wish to do something about them. That you can do nothing for her and it is frustrating you.
You WILL, of course, given her age (I am 82 and so I know) be getting "the call". The call will come from a medical team as my own "Hi, you know we have your brother here in Desert Regional Hospital, don't you"....
Or it will come from the coroner saying "Your mother's inlaws have called to inform us that.............."
We aren't gods, we aren't Saints, we aren't fairies with wands, and we can't work miracles. Make yourself available to your mom when she calls to tell you she is ready to make changes. Until then she has made her choice as a free adult.
Good luck. I recognize that this is beyond frustrating and terrifying. But it's also without any good answers. Not everything can be fixed.