My father ended up in the emergency room and was put into a coma. How can I go about getting medical information from the hospital?

As this thread is 2 yrs old I assume the OP has now resolved her difficulties. I very much doubt that anyone in the ER did anything to induce Dad's condition. These things happen all the time and the hospital treated appropriately as ther was no DNA on file. If the man talks incoherently 99% of the time and does not always recognize family members it is doubtful he is still mentally competent. Alcoholic frequently suffer liver problems and a psychosis which presents like a dementia

Fortunately I get along very well with my sibs - saves a lot of wear and tear.

I'm a bit confused here, sorry.

I went through this situation a year ago Dec 2016 with my Mother, this is what I experienced.

1. Mom is married, so my step-father is able to get all the information he wants. He has Alzheimer's, so he really doesn't know what to ask or discuss with the doctor(s)
2. In 2004, our Mother asked me to fly home to help get all of her legal issues in order so as to eliminate siblings from arguing and trying to get things she doesn't want them to possess
3. I helped her by with writing a Codicil (amendment) to her Will so she didn't have to redo everything
4. She had me placed as sole beneficiary to the house with instructions for distribution of money after sale of the house
5. Had her Living Will made out with the input of my Uncle, her youngest brother, giving my older sister the ability to have her admitted to the hospital, but I am listed as the person to decide if the plug is to be disconnected
6. The Medical POA had me listed as #1 contact and Uncle #2

Scenario: this was all done while we lived out of State and still do. Older sister moves back in with Mom about 6 months later 2004.

Fast forward 2016, Dec.
1. Get text from sister Mom in hospital, nothing more except she would give more detail later.
***Sister still living with Mom***
2. I finally called when I had not heard from sister 1 day later. Told that Mom had issue with diabetes (actually a very extreme case of UTI, will never go 100% away) and was not functioning with basic psych testing, UTIs effect memory, brain function (daughter is RN)
3. Called hospital to get more info, asked who had Medical POA, I do, but it's at Mom's in folder with legal papers (she would not let me have it, told you know where to find it), was able to get information by passing HIPPA because they did not know who had POA
4. Talked with Uncle who went immediately to hospital as sister did not tell Mom's brothers
5. Uncle asked Mom's permission 3 different times to get all of the legal papers because he knew that I was the one that was placed in charge
6. Uncle could not find papers and next door neighbor stayed in the house the whole time Aunt/Uncle were there, NONE OF HIS BUSINESS
7. After 2 weeks, hospital cannot provide me with info because sister and brother (flew in from TN) now had Medical POA😨
8. Sister insisted that the psych tests be given only in AM because that's when Mom is more aware....Sister, it's called Sundowner's!!!
9. State law requires ALL siblings to discuss before any decision is made...Sister purposely left me out of this....Called gaining control fraudulently when subject is not fully aware of what's going on
10. Sister convinced Mom I was the one keeping her in hospital and getting guardianship...NOT
11. Went home Jan 2017 to 'visit Mom and get things resolved.
12. 1st day, go to see Mom, not home. Nosey neighbor walks up to me like he owns the place, I asked him where Mom was....realized who I was then.
13. Mom taken to hospital around 6:00 AM by ambulance...no call or text from sister and this was 2:00 pm
14. Escorted to Mom's room, sister did not know I was coming (commercial scene) look on face...PRICELESS
15. Nurse asking Mom questions, couldn't answer, sister goes in and starts answering for Mom.
16. I had called Uncle before I got to the hospital and he was there not long after me.
17. I went into Mom's room because I could hear sister give answers that were ever so wrong i.e. who is President, sister says Mom doesn't know/doesn't care. Nurse asked MOM if she was a DNR, she didn't understand. Sister asked what DNR meant, said she wasn't, I leaned over bed told nurse that she was. Sister asked how do I know...because I have copy of Living Will, why didn't you bring with you(?). Should be in Mom's file sister/why should I bring with me to just visit
18. Sorry, just situations to expect FYI
19. Uncle gave me Mom's original Will(s) which include the Codicil, beneficiary Deed certified by State
20. Wills do not become outdated as my sister believes, she can't find, have Mom redo so "we" don't  lose all of this to the State (probate State). Sister told by Soc Service this. I've dealt with probate issues during 30+ yes in banking back home...didn't tell sister how wrong she is on all counts
21. Found that sister had fraudulently  Mom sign new beneficiary Deed. Joke is on her and other 2 siblings...Will be priceless especially for this sister
22. Have been in contact with Estate lawyer, have researched ALL case law regarding these issues (don't forget about Notary laws people).
23. 99.9999% will go to Probate Court. Lawyer said to let my sister do what she wants. Start with the newest Will as argument to Judge, then produce everything I have...end of her fraudulent scheming. Can have sister criminally charged too
24. Immediately kick her out of house, have locksmith with me, give her time period to get "her" things only her things out of house, have police there. None of the siblings allowed inside until I do what State Law requires.
25. MEDICAL POAs ARE VALID ACROSS THE COUNTRY. YOU DO NOT NEED TO LIVE IN SAME STATE TO HAVE POA.

IF you are able to see your Father even if he's in the hospital or another facility

1. Have his doctor present so he can evaluate while you're visiting.
2. Have Soc Services present too so that you will have 2 witnesses who will be able to attest your Father has mental capacity to make decisions so as to be able to sign a POA naming you.
3. You MAY be able to have it legally documented that it cannot be changed to anyone else without your knowledge and YOU MUST be present with witnesses to be sure that is what your Father wants before any changes.

Just because your Grandmother is still alive, per HIPPA, she can't get any medical info; ONLY YOUR MOTHER as she is legally married and spouses are exempt from HIPPA in this scenario.

Please, go to your State's government websites and RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH EVERYTHING.

IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO AFFORD AN ATTORNEY (believe it or not, they all do not understand their own speciality and can scam you just as easily as anyone else) GET A MEMBERSHIP WITH A COMPANY THAT HAS ATTORNEYS, DOCTORS, PSYCH AND EVEN VETERNARIANS, WHO ARE ABLE TO ANSWER LEGAL QUESTIONS!

I have a membership with one because of my sister. I can review the Estate attorney list and choose who I want to present my question(s). If I am not comfortable with the answer(s), I can choose another.

I never ask a legal question without providing the State statutes, my understanding of the law as I read it AND this attorney I present my questions, always reviews what I have sent him, corrects my understanding, then provided me with how to handle should I end up in Probate Court.

DOCUMENT EVERYTHING!!!
My sister has a manila folder with like 3 sheets of paper claiming she keeps track of everything.
I HAVE A 2" BINDER FULL OF EVERYTHING STARTING IN DEC 2016 TO CURRENT DAY. EACH TIME I TALK WITH MOM AND REPORTING CONCERNS TO APPROPRIATE AGENCIES WHEN NECESSARY. I ALSO KEEP MY UNCLE INFORMED WITH ANY DIRE CHANGES I NOTICE WITH MOM.

I'm a bit confused here, sorry.

I went through this situation a year ago Dec 2016 with my Mother, this is what I experienced.

1. Mom is married, so my step-father is able to get all the information he wants. He has Alzheimer's, so he realky doesn't know what to ask or discuss with the doctor(s)
2. In 2004, our Mother asked me to fly home to help get all of her legal issues in order so as to eliminate siblings from arguing and trying things she doesn't want them to possess
3. I helped her by writhing a Codicil (amendment) to her Will so she didn't have to redo everything
4. She had my placed as sole beneficiary to the house with instructions for distribution of money after sale of the house
5. Had her Living Will made out with the input of my Uncle, her youngest brother, giving my older sister the ability to have her admitted to the hospital, but I am listed as the person to decide if the plug is to be disconnected
6. The Medical POA had me listed as #1 contact and Uncle #2

Scenario: this was all done while we lived out of State and still do. Older sister moves back in with Mom about 6 months later 2004.

Fast forward 2016, Dec.
1. Get text from sister Mom in hospital, nothing more except she would give more detail later.
***Sister still living with Mom***
2. I finally called when I had not heard from sister 1 day later. Told that Mom had issue with diabetes and was not functioning with basic psych testing
3. Called hospital to get more info, asked who had Medical POA, I do, but it's at Mom's in folder with legal papers (she would not let me have it, told you know where to find it), was able to get information by passing HIPPA because they did not know who had POA
4. Talked with Uncle who went immediately to hospital as sister did not tell Mom's brothers
5. Uncle asked Mom's permission 3 different times to get all of the legal papers because he knew that I was the one that was placed in charge
6. Uncle could not find papers and next door neighbor stayed in the house the whole time Aunt/Uncle were there, NONE. OF HIS BUSINESS
7. After 2 weeks, hospital cannot provide my with info because sister, brother (flew out from TN) now had Medical POA😨
8. Sister insisted that the psych tests be given only in AM because that's when Mom is more aware....Sister, it's called Sundowner's!!!
9. State law requires ALL siblings to discuss before any decision is made...Sister purposely left me out of this....Called gaining control fraudulently when subject is not fully aware of what's going on
10. Sister convinced Mom I was the one keeping her in hospital and getting guardianship...NOT
11. Went home Jan 2017 to 'visit Mom and get things resolved.
12. 1st day, go to see Mom, not home. Nosey neighborbwalks up to me like he owns the place, I asked him where Mom was....realized who I was then.
13. Mom taken to hospital around 6:00 AM by ambulance...no call or text from sister and this was 2:00 pm
14. Escorted to Mom's room, sister did not know I was coming (commercial scene) look on face...PRICELESS
15. Nurse asking Mom questions, couldn't answer, sister goes in and starts answering for Mom.
16. I had called Uncle before I got to hospital and he was there not long after me.
17. I went into Mom's room because I could hear sister give answers that were ever so wrong. Nurse asked MOM if she was a DNR, she didn't understand. Sister asked what DNR meant, said she wasn't, I leaned over bed told nurse that she was. Sister asked how do I know...because I have copy of Living Will, why didn't you bring with you(?). Should be in Mom's file sister/why should I bring with me to just visit
18. Sorry, just situations to expect FYI
19. Uncle gave me Mom's original Will(s) which include the Codicil, beneficiary Deed certified by State
20. Wills do not become outdated as my sister believes, she cant find, have Mom redo so "we" do lose all of this to the State (probate State). Sister told by Soc Service this. I've dealt with probate issues during 30+ yes in banking back home...don't tell sister how wrong she is on all counts
21. Found that sister had fraudulently got Mom to sign new beneficiary Deed. Joke is on her and other 2 siblings...Will be priceless especially for this sister
22. Have been in contact with Estate lawyer, have researched ALL case law regarding these issues (don't forget about Notary laws people).
23. 99.9999% will go to Probate Court. Lawyer said to let my sister do what she wants. Start with the newest Will as argument to Judge, them produce everything I have...end of her fraudulent scheming.
24. Immediately kick her out of house, have locksmith with me, give her time period to get "her" things only her things out of house have police there. None of the siblings allowed inside until I do what State Law requires.
25. MEDICAL POAs ARE VALID ACROSS THE COUNTRY. YOU DO NOT NEED TO LIVE IN SAME STATE TO HAVE POA.

IF you are able to see your Father even if he's in the hospital or another facility

1. Have his doctor present so he can evaluate while you're visiting.
2. Have Soc Services present too so that you will have 2 witnesses who will be able to attest your Father has mental capacity to make decisions so as to be able to sign a POA naming you.
3. You MAY be able to have it legally documented that it cannot be changed to anyone else without your knowledge and YOU MUST be present with witnesses to be sure that is what your Father wants before any changes.

Please, go to your State's government websites and RESEARCH RESEARCH RESEARCH EVERYTHING.

IF YOU ARE UNABLE TO AFFORD AN ATTORNEY (believe it or not, they all do not understand their own speciality and can scam you just as easily as anyone else) GET A MEMBERSHIP WITH A COMPANY THAT HAS ATTORNEYS, DOCTORS, PSYCH AND EVEN VETERNARIANS, WHO ARE ABLE TO ANSWER LEGAL QUESTIONS!

I have a membership to one because of my sister. I can review the Estate attorney list and choose who I want to present my question(s). If I am not comfortable with the answer(s), I can choose another.

I never ask a legal question without providing the State statutes, my understanding of the law as I read it AND this attorney I present my questions, always reviews what I have sent him, corrects my understanding, then provided me with how to handle should I end up in Probate Court.

This is a difficult and odd situation. He may have had a heart attack or stroke, stopped breathing, and then lapsed into a coma. I bet if estranged legal wife showed up at the NH and spoke with the head nurse, they would give her a little information about his condition - at least a medical diagnosis. As somebody asked, "who is paying the nursing home?" Somebody must have signed some kind of legal papers to get him admitted and see that the bill is paid, even if by Medicaid. It did not happen by magic.

if it was me I would speak with an elder lawyer. you are in a catch 22 right now. you need to find out who is his power of attorney , and or what restrictions has he put into place. an elder lawyer can help in many ways with this problem. my mom was in the hospital getting better from a UTI . I went to see her and she was in the intensive care unit. they said she stopped breathing three different times and no one would tell me why. the lawyer was able to get copies of all the medical files involving my mom. it turns out they did some type of surgery without consent....sometimes you are better getting some one who knows the ropes to help than to try and handle it on your own. good luck...

Each state might be different, under my state law, it says if the person doesn't have a POA, then the next of kin would have rights to the records. If the person is married, this would be the spouse. Also, a person who can prove they provided care for the person would have rights.

You can look under your specific state laws, and also need to check to see what constitutes proof of care if yours is worded this way.

Contact the Hospice Patients Alliance. They are patient advocates and can tell you what you can do. Sounds like maybe his and your moms rights are being violated.

I wouldn't think an ER paper naming a person the hospital can discuss medical conditions with, would remove your mother's rights to those records.

The same thing happened to my grandma after she was admitted to a hospital. She was taken to the ER because of fluid on her chest, as a result of her family doctor stopping her fluid pill. She was diagnosed with pneumonia, by the ER physician and admitted for "treatment".

 Her POA and caregiver left for two hours and somewhere in that time they sedated our grandma with morphine. Which they then lied to us repeatedly, telling us that morphine doesn't sedate, and that our grandma became naturally comatose because she was dying.

We found out later that everything they told us was a lie. They also did all of this without IV. They did absolutely nothing to help or save our grandma. They only thing they did was sedate her with morphine and let her die of a completely preventable condition.

tashaig3480: With proper photo ID and who you are in relation to the patient, you should be able to go to the Medical Records Dept. of the hospital to acquire a copy of the records. We were able to do that one time with my late mother despite the fact that we lived in another state.

my heart goes out to you. It sounds as if your in a no win situation. what I would do if I was you, I would contact an elder lawyer and tell him the whole story . ask his advice and what can be done if anything. if anyone would know the law and how to go about it would be the lawyer. there are lawyers that don't charge for the consultation. you can call the bar association and they have lists they can help you out with... good luck.....

Gardenartist, I believe the OPs comment about getting PoA from her mom was about being her mom's PoA in order to avoid having this kind of situation with another parent. An excellent idea, which should be done ASAP.

Tasha, Although many are suggesting becoming PoA and HIPAA rep for your dad, that won't be possible unless he becomes mentally competent, which doesn't seem to be expected to happen.

Very sad situation. In some counties, there are volunteer agencies that provide court-appointed advocates for elderly or disabled people like this. Try contacting the Area on Aging in the County where he resides. They might be able to refer you to that kind of help. Or call the County Health Department or Dept of Family Services, commonly called Welfare.
Try Al-Anon for you; encourage your mom to get her affairs in order--PoA, living will, HIPAA, etc.
All you can do is all you can do. Your dad made his choices, sadly; and you make your own.

So sorry to read about your Father. This is going to be difficult, especially if you have siblings. What I am posting is lengthy, but I have/am going through this and many other issues and have been researching my buns off to protect my Mother.

JoAnn29 is very very correct about cost for Guardianship. You will need an attorney to represent you, your Father will have representation with a Fiduciary Attorney, any siblings will have representation. Some States, if your Father is able to answer at least 3 questions presented by the Judge....you lose.

You will be responsible for ALL COURT COSTS AND ALL ATTORNYS FEES! Yours, the Fiduciary and your siblings attorneys. Remember, Attorneys charge by the hour.

1. Google the State Law regarding Medical Power of Attorney AND Notary Law; majority of people do not realize that Notary Law is amended via State Legislation. You can get a printable PDF. Thank goodness I did this as my sister made a fraudulent document and has decided that she is going to HAVE Mom redo her Will...fraud!!
2. If you have siblings, you will need to contact ALL of them and ask for THEIR PERMISSION to act as your Father's Medical POA.
3. Ask if any of your siblings want to act as secondary Medical POA (need a 2nd), this too must have permission of the others. You and the secondary will be the contact for any emergency action and/or what the doctors can do during his hospital stay.
4. As PRIMARY Medical POA, the hospital will take a copy for medical records.
5. HIPA comes into play too. You, as primary POA are allowed to provide a list of family members or anybody else; who are able to receive any information regarding your Father's condition.

In my case, my sister fraudulently had my other siblings give permission WITHOUT my knowledge (I had the POA originally) and NEVER WAS CONTACTED TO GIVE MY VOTE as in my home State is required. One only needs majority of siblings to agree; 3/4 in my case.

6. MAKE SURE THAT YOUR FATHER HAS A LIVING WILL. This will state who (it can state 2 people who must agree as to what is to be done. They can only agree that your Father is placed on Life Support or necessary emergency means has the immediate medical POA should the hospital not be able to contact either you or the secondary. That is all that they can do until you, as the person designated to make the final decision(s) is contacted and able to get to the hospital to discuss with doctors/family.

IMPORTANT!! The Living Will states as to whom the person is, once it is determined by at least 3 doctors that your Father will never improve and that it is best to terminate his life.

If you are designated as the person to give permission as to whether or not to take your Father off life support, you are required to also consult with your siblings having the doctors present (you have the right to have your Father's Dr. contacted and consult at the same time either by being there or telephone); the ultimate decision will be yours.

There is also another area on the Living Will to which your Father will need to agree and sign/witnessed prior to any hospital stay regarding his wishes as to whether or not he wants to be listed as a DNR. The hospital will ask to make a copy of this also for record. Should they not be able to contact you, then the hospital will make the decision i.e. heart attack, issues with surgery etc. should your Father "straight line".

Should a DNR not be listed in his hospital records, then the hospital is required to place your Father on life support. Again, this will require a consult with any siblings along with the doctors should it be deemed that your Father will not recover.

The Living Will also has an agreement as to whether or not your Father wishes to be a organ donor. Yes, even my Mother at 85 yrs has viable organs that can be used for transplant.

I have found that (I have stated this in many of my posts), that having a membership with JustAnswer.com has been extremely helpful with my questions.

I am not suggesting for anyone to join, but I have the ability to ask unlimited questions that I can present to an Estate Attorney (I always ask the same Attorney) who has helped me so much. I provide the State Law along with the Statutes, my understanding of what I perceive the Law to mean, he researches and provides an explanation of the Law along with his opinion.

I pay $49 for this service a month. I really didn't use it until these past 3-4 months as things are popping into my head regarding my one sister who sneaks behind my back i.e. Medical POA, Living Will and Last Will and Testament just happened to disappear. What she doesn't know is that I have Mom's Will which will take precedence over any thing my sister attempts to do about Mom's estate. I also have a copy of Mom's Living Will....ta dah!!

As I stated in this post, please Google State Law first. Also Google your State's notary Law. The State site should provide a download/printable PDF version.

I would say that about 99.999% of people do not know that these Notary Laws are amended by the State Legislature. These should be on the website for the Secretary of State. If you are not sure as to their meaning, Google the Statutes under the Bill that was passed to amend. It will provide you with the sponsors of the Bill, the tally of the votes, the pros/cons of the Bill for the change. If needed, you can contact any of the peopled listed to discuss their reason for the change. If you cannot get the Bill in its entirety, contact the Capitol records department and they will provide you with a complete copy of the Bill.

Your Father must be able to understand what he is signing and in a majority of States, a Living Will must be written up with an attorney and notarized.

7. IF you are the only remaining family, get a letter from your Father's Dr. stating that you are indeed the only family member remaining.

****GET A POWER OF ATTORNEY REGARDING YOUR FATHER'S FINANCES****

This must be provided to any of your Father's bank(s) and investment(s) companies. This will provide you with the ability to make sure no one is taking monies from any of your Father's accounts. Ask that ALL of your Father's accounts be FLAGGED as PROTECTED. This requires that all transactions must by ok'd by you.
#1 Elderly Abuse....family members scamming parent(s) out of their money. My husband is the Sr. Chief Compliance Officer for a large bank and is required to attend seminars regarding Elderly Abuse every year...in DC with FBI instructors.

There are several types of Financial POAs, so you may want to discuss with an Attorney, Banker or Financial advisor.

If you are an only child or not (again consulting with siblings), you will need proof from his doctor that your Father is incapable of taking care of his finances. Some States allow for you to go before a Judge with all of your documentation and will give you either the ability for total POA or assign as Conservator.

As Conservator, you will be required to report ALL FINANCIAL transactions periodically (as determined by the Court) to the Court. Guardianship TAKES ALL OF YOUR FATHER'S RIGHTS AWAY FROM HIM. Should he survive and still able to make decisions, he will lose his right to vote etc. Conservatorship is a better choice so you are able to help your Father make decisions and you must follow his direction(s).

Again. sorry for the length of this post. I have been researching and researching until I have driven my husband crazy (his parents are deceased and he never had to do anything like this).

No, I am well aware that his alcohol abuse has landed him in the sitation he is in but nobody has dealt with his behavior more than my mother, brother, and I have. His family has given him a little help here and there but they didn't know the severity of his alcoholism and believed him when he lied. I implore you to read my previous replies, Midkid58. I have been to see him. Once. As soon as my aunt decided to finally tell me what had happened to him (after his initial er visit back in June and he had already been in the nursing home since July) I packed up the car and went. He has been in that condition for that long and they never bothered to call and tell anyone. She didn't even tell his brothers. He is still my dad, and a human being, and doesn't deserve to rot in a crappy nursing home where nobody will visit him. I am not looking to blame anyone. I am trying to find out everything I can about what the hospital did so I can understand his situation.

Tash--

I'm going out on a limb here, please don't be offended. Is your dad an alcoholic? Sure sounds like it. At age 58, he shouldn't have the health problems he has, and he's been living in a NH? I'm 61 and I cannot fathom that (barring extreme health issues).

If he has been an "unrepentant" alcoholic for many years --I can see why both your mother and his have stepped away. At some point, most family members of alcoholics do just that--walk away. The burden of the problems brought about by an alcoholic just wear you out. You think they are being cruel--maybe they are just enforcing some boundaries and not being drawn in to his dramatic life anymore. Don't judge them for it--nobody can change your dad.

You do not *know* that they don't care. You feel it. You haven't stayed close to your dad and maybe they have been through so much with him, they just...can't.

It's wonderful that you love your dad and that you care so much. But, not everyone feels as you do.

Perhaps and honest and calm conversation with Gma would set your mind at rest. Emphasis on CALM. Can you get to where he is? See for yourself? Hearing everything secondhand is frustrating and kind of pointless.

And do look into Al-Anon programs for families of alcoholics. You might find some insight there that will help you.
I know you want to find someone/something to blame for dad's situation. Probably the blame lays squarely on his own shoulders--and that is hard to accept.

He never had a PoA. There is nothing in writing who can make medical decisons or financial decisions for him. He is not able to make choices for himself. He talks complete nonsense 99% of the time. He's very anxious and tries to pull out his tubes and get out of bed all the time. They keep him heavily medicated. His mother, sister, and brothers do not seem to care to find anything out and they are the only ones that live up near where he is. It just breaks my heart that I can't do anything for him. I feel stuck and helpless about it. I cannot get any information about him other than how he is doing at that moment if I call the nursing the home :-(

I agree that you shouldn't hire the attorney now. Guardianship is very expensive in the long run. The $1500 is just to file, not to deal with court fees, other attorneys called in as guardian ad litum to represent his interests, or anyone who contests. If the time does come to file, be sure to use an attorney in his state of residence who specializes in elder law. I went through the procedure last year and even uncontested it's very time-consuming, which is as it should be to have someone declared incompetent.

I know that you are feeling horrible that there doesn't seem to be anything you can do and maybe there is some guilt involved for not having helped him more in the past. As someone who was raised by an alcoholic, I understand those wishes, but he didn't give you those opportunities.

Al-Anon is a great idea for you. Also see if there is a meeting of Adult Children of Alcoholics in your area.

All hospitals have someone called patient advocate (or something like that). Ask him/her for advice. Most likely, the answer will be that your mom has to be the one to get the info. But I agree with JoAnn29 that, without a POA, your mom might not be able to get any info either.

tashalg3480, I hate to break the bad news to you but your mother cannot assign any authority to you unless there's a specific provision in the POA document allowing that. Your father should be the one who executes a new DPOA.

My thought is that YOU need al-anon. It helps so many people who have alcoholic family members - alive, close, far, and even dead. I totally understand wishing you could do more for your dad - that's a normal emotion. Al-Anon will help you understand why guardianship is not a good idea and help you see how to be a good daughter to him! I know this is super hard. You can go to just one meeting and it will help. Hugs!

We are already planning for my mom to assign PoA to me and my brother in case anything happens to her. I appreciate all the kind words! Sadly I think he will be in the condition he is in for the rest of his life. I hope he does get better but the outlook does not look so good.

Gosh, I'm so sorry about your Dad's sudden illness, and him needing such aggressive medical attention at such young age too!

Hopefully he will soon be on the mend, and will be able to appoint you as his POA, and or give you authority to get information by signing a HIPPA form, in the Nursing home. I would definitely get those in order ASAP!

People do get better with rest and time, and I hope this is true for your Dad. God Luck in the follow up on his care! A good lesson for us all, to have those important ppwk set up in advance, even in our 40's and 50's, when we often don't think that we need it yet!

wow well definitely do not hire the attorney. For starters, there is a wife and mother and aunts that would probably contest with your distance and would be easy to lose. Being legally married hinders your efforts as well. HIPPA is exactly for this purpose so that medical personnel respect the rights of the patient and discuss with no one but who has a POA. Spouses are no longer included due to second marriages, children of first marriages were offended new young spouse could call the shots over an ailing parent. This has been strongly in effect since the mid-90s and you can find these POA online with no need for an attorney. When I say without an attorney its because the loved one is able to sign for themselves. Some states have two one for financial and one for health. Your best bet is for the family to decide on a family member to obtain the POA to avoid unnecessary attorney fees regarding objections in open court. Now at least Dad will have a voice. I have done POAs as gifts or just on GP. Every adult in your family should have one. This way who you decide to be your voice should you not be able to speak for yourself will be your voice.

Tashalg I'm very sorry for what's happened to your father; it's just that I think you could really use the Serenity Prayer right now.

You are having to deal with the teeth-grinding frustration of not being able to get sensible answers to straightforward questions, and it must feel as though people are being intentionally obstructive. But it's not their fault your father hadn't appointed a health care proxy, or that your grandmother is what sounds like a bit defeatist, would you agree? And rules is rules.

If you're happy with the care he's receiving now, as far as you can gauge what it's like anyway, maybe just wait and see. Perhaps visit first, when you can, and defer any plans until then.

Thank you all for your answers! They mean a lot to me and have helped me see things I didn't see before. As far as the nursing home goes, they told my aunt the pulmonologist comes around once every 3 months. He was also at first sent to short term care and then something happened and they sent him back to the hospital and he came back to the same nursing home into long term care. It just feels like a cloak and dagger about everything. I want to be able to help him and find things out but I just don't have the money to right now. I was hoping there might be another way, but it doesn't look like it there is :-/

Slow brain bleeds can cause someone who is walking and talking after an event to suddenly become critical, and there is no knowing how long he delayed before calling for help. I've often heard of those with a brain injury being put in a medically induced coma to allow the brain to stabilize, although the coma might have also been a result of the injury too. I'm sorry that you are running into so may road blocks in trying to be his advocate, it is frustrating when rules meant to protect privacy instead become ridiculous barriers to information. If you truly want to step up then I think applying for an emergency guardianship is the only way to do it. Good luck.

Tashalg, I think there are a lot of things that could have happened, but I don't believe there's enough information to assume or blame the hospital. They don't trach or insert feeding tubes w/o good reason.

If your father was beaten, there's also the possibility that criminal action is pending and they don't want to, or have been advised by the police, not to discuss the potential issues with anyone.

On the issue of the trach and feeding tube specifically, he could have sustained respiratory issues that compromised his breathing and couldn't have survived w/o a trach and feeding tube. Did he have any respiratory problems before this incident?

And with a history of drinking, there might be other health issues of which you're unaware.

I think rather than thinking the hospital did something, it might be appropriate to consider that, yes, it did, but it assisted in keeping him alive and breathing, perhaps through intubation first, followed by a trach and feeding tube.

My question would be whether or not he's getting respiratory therapy in the nursing home, as that would be the appropriate way to address getting the trach removed.

It sounds as if there's a lack of communication in the family for some reason. Perhaps the situation is such that your relatives don't want you to know, or perhaps your father didn't want you to know and worry.

But I think the hospital is the last entity that should be blamed. The staff may actually have saved his life.

The short of it is, he had an alcohol problem and that is why he and my mother were not together. I kept in contact with him because he was still my dad and I still had hope he would get better. He called his social worker saying he needed help (instead of calling 911???). I contacted her, she told me what she was allowed to tell me which was pretty much that she got there to the apartment he was renting, he told her he "fell down" but she said he had looked like he got beat up. She walked him to the ER (as he lived just down the block from it). From there, he gave them his moms contact info and that's who they called. He went in conscious, talking, coherent, was able to tell them that "he fell down" and two days later my aunt and grandmother show up and he was in a coma. They said he had head trauma. That is ALL the information they gave them. They never bothered to ask any other questions. He ended up with a tracheotomy and a feeding tube in a nursing home one month later. He is 58 years old so not considered technically a senior (I don't guess?). But he did have a drinking problem. I'm sure he either did fall while intoxicated pretty hard or he ran his mouth and got beat up. It is really a sad situation all around but I am not getting any answers from anyone. My Aunt won't return my texts. They live up in PA while I am down in TN. My father did not have a PoA as far as I know. I just want to know why they did what they did to him in the ER. I would want him to be closer to me if that would be possible but I want to know what my options are :-\

Just because Grandmoms is his mother and there is a wife without a POA the home does not have to talk with them. That's why you should always have a POA in place. Even husband's and wives.

As well as your inability to get any medical information I wonder about who is paying the nursing home? Have you been tried to search through your father's papers to see if he has ever named a POA for financial and/or medical decisions?

How old is your dad? Curious as to how old that would make his mom.
You may have to lay the guilt on pretty think to get her to talk, or go to the hospital--this doesn't make sense at all!

It's unlikely the hospital did anything to cause this to happen to your dad. We get sick, stuff happens and it's just easier to blame it on sub-par care, when in fact you know nothing of what happened.

Either pony up the $1500 for the guardianship (ask yourself first if you REALLY want to be that deeply involved) or get GM to the hospital. Your GM must be on his contact information sheet, or she wouldn't have been called.

Good luck with this.