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I read your post & wanted to share a helpful & hopeful comment. I live in Ohio & recently just got approval on a state funded program for LTC (Long Term Care) for my mother even though her retirement income is greater than the threshold. It is a bridged Medicare & Medicaid program. One of the requirements was to sign over her life insurance (Whole Life Policy that had built up a good size cash value)
or.... prepay her funeral expenses.
I chose to prepay her final expenses.
Also, getting back to the part where her income was higher than the threshold, we were simply able to pay the difference for each month that she needs services.
For the monthly payment, each month, I get 5 hours of daily home assistance-aide for her needs at home whether it be cleaning, showering her, cooking, laundry, pharmacy runs or grocery shopping for her food. I get meals delivered to her 5 days a week & frozen supplemental meals biweekly.
And of huge significance, I can get skilled nursing care for her in a nursing home so I can get a much needed & overdue surgery & recuperate.
Her final expenses are now met which allows me to go & preplan her funeral and give her a wonderful & dignified laid to rest service!
Although difficult, as I love my Mother with my whole heart, preplanning is easier now than when I’m overcome with sadness of her parting.
I emcourage you to reach out to your state’s agency on aging for assistance.
Hope this helps!
If you want your mother-in-law in a facility, you will need to sell her property. You can use some of it for a prepaid burial... That passes the 5 year look back I believe.
We cared for my mom 24/7 for over 5 years... before that we did most daytime hours. I don't know what I would have some without my husband's support, love and help through that time. We shared in her care.
You do not say what the issues are, but maybe you can share more and we can give you ideas that may help as you cope. You will need some time out. Are their other family members that can help? What kinds of things do you enjoy doing? Rather than dwelling on what isn't working, look for ways you can make this new phase in life work.
Usually what happens when a parent moves into a grown child's home, or you move in with that parent, is the the adult/child dynamic will start. The parent once again feels they are the adult in the household, and you and your husband are still the children. There isn't much you can do regarding this, it's just human nature.
And I bet your Mom-in-law sees you are competition for your hubby's attention. Correct? She wants her son all to herself.
Could Mom-in-law budget to live in Independent Living? My Dad had moved to such a place and he loved it there. It actually gave him more freedom as if he wanted to read all day, he could. And he loved the meals that were served in a restaurant styled dining room.
The cost was around $5k per month, which can vary depending on where you live. What was best, Dad was around people closer to his own generation :)
Or do you live close to an adult-day care center? It's a place to go to see movies, play cards, easy dance exercise, computer classes, and lunch. Some places charge a daily rate, other places could be paid by the County.
Medicaid allows you to have a home, they don't allow you to keep it up. So if a family member can't pay to keep it up, it needs to be sold at Market Value. So their denile isn't based on having a house. Have you given them the info they require? Five years of bank statements, all info on stocks, bonds and insurance? You can liquidate everything and prepay her funeral out of the money. The rest goes to her care. Once you have spent down to 2k, Medicaid will take over. The NH will take her SS and pension and Medicaid will pay the rest.
If she has a house, sell it and use the money for an AL or NH.