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May The Lord give you grieving mercies, strength and peace in this new season of life.
After I've been through a trauma, my body is exhausted, like all of my adrenaline is just gone. Probably why your so tired , and your in shock right now.
As the realization comes that there is no upside coming, relief and release comes to be almost longed for, not only for the caregiver him or herself, but for the loved one who is facing down loss after loss after loss of function in a body, of mind, finally of all memory and all "self". It becomes a tragedy from which only death spell relief and release.
I will tell you that I think at the end of all that, whether the caregiving goes on for 6 months or a year or two or ten, the caregiver is ready for the end. But finds him or herself shocked finally in that "I just lost my MOTHER" "I just lost my DAD". And the jaw kind of hits the floor with wonder at all that has happened.
It take a while. It takes time. Everything needs time for the sharp edges to be filed down by the sands of time.
And when you have had to try to think of EVERY LITTLE THING that can be dangerous, that can be missed, that can go wrong. And suddenly there is NOTHING to think about at ALL? Where do you go from there. You almost cannot grasp it.
I am so sorry for your loss. Give yourself all the time you need and go slow and remember it is FINE to feel relief that you don't have to stand witness and worry for every single loss coming that could not be imagined. It is FINE to be confused. It is fine not to know what the heck to feel for a while. There is no way to put this all away neatly in some file full of beautifully marked manila envelopes.
Give yourself a lot of time and space and slack, and remember to celebrate what was a whole entire life, not just the ending of a life.