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Also, your going to therapy is NONE of your parents' business. You would be wise not to tell them that you are going.
It's a natural response that many people develop after a lot of trauma that they didn't cause, because it's hard for the mind to relax after a lot of dramatic events.
My friend went through a lot of tramitic events, and now the slightest little things, she acts like it's the end of the world.
Her son hurt his eye, I get a text from her that sounded like he was near death.
No one likes drama but many get caught up into the need for it because they don't know what to do without it.
I need to find a better way to explain this, because my friend had the same reaction, and thought I was criticizing her.
When our parents get old and need our help , the relationship changes , that’s just a fact .
You need to set some boundaries .
“ I’m sorry Mom , that does not work for me “
“ I’m sorry , but that will not be possible “.
“I’m sorry , I need to get home and get back to my own chores now .”
”You have what you need , I’m going home now “.
It is absolutely NORMAL for people to get clingy, scared, dependant and difficult as they age, and the older they get the worse it gets, it doesn't change the truth of a life long loving relationship.
Because your parents are heading towards their end, it is important for you to come to terms with losing them and suddenly stepping away and not honoring your relationship with them will not be good for you, you will destroy your own heart by not being true to your feelings for your parents. Getting irritated, pissed, fed up and all the other negative things is normal for the caregiver, those emotions should not color the entire past reality of your relationship.
Obviously you need boundaries and a plan but, please do not disrespect what you know, from your own words, has been a friendship with your parents for your entire life.
Vent if you need to and learn to not read posts that are not helpful, that's what this forum is for, aging care support.
How did your husband do on his business trip?
The simple answer to your original question regarding feeling like a prisoner is :
“ No Mom ( and/or Dad ) , I’m leaving now “. Period .
And leave.
No discussions , or explanations .
Stop sharing information with your parents about your life .
This answer works for a lot of your rants.
Leave . Don’t engage in any of your parent’s nonsense . They can not be reasoned with. They are not going to change . Don’t stick around in their home , drop food off and Run.
However this thread has notched up 132 actual answers in less than 2 weeks (and I don’t think that includes comments that don’t rate as answers). Enough said! This is just fun for someone who thinks it’s fun and has nothing better to do.
Taking less & less breathes for yourself. I guess eventually you will run out of air altogether & they will out live you.
Or you make changes.
When they say jump you holler "How High", "How High"?
It is you, not them, you have created this situation, you cannot stop yourself, you have programmed yourself to be their servant...their savior.
All these rants are not resolving the issues that you have, please get the mental help that you need.
I might as well have been an only child. My sister died, brother #1 lives 8 hrs away and brother #2 was never around. It was all on me. Oldest child and a girl. I loved my parents and had a strong Mom. Dad went on Social Security Disability at 52. Mom took care of him till the day he died at 79. He was not bedridden till the last month of his life. She never asked for help. I was only asked to drive him to appts she was not able to drive to. When he passed, she had her Church and other widowed friends she went out with. When she no longer was allowed to drive, we had a day a week we ran errands, once a week we went out to dinner and Church on Sunday. I did not owe my Mom my life. And she did not expect it.
That is what I have heard anyways, I suspect someone will say I'm its not true.
Anyways makes sense to me. And Romeo , we have all been though this and learned to , get thinker skin.
What goes on in your head, why can't you stop this behavior?
Please get yourself some therapy, you really need it.
It's time to be more serious about YOUR wellbeing + your husband's wellbeing. ??
Sorry to be nosy, but what are you doing in their apartment at 11pm?
Wouldn't your Husband have things to do &/or need an early night before his trip?
You and your DH refuse to put yourselves and your health and well being ahead of your parents wants.
Although they are 97 and 93 they will probably outlive both of you at this rate.
Maybe we should start a new discussion thread about our dream fantasy of the "perfect" respite vacation. If we could afford it, that is. And if we were healthy enough, or young enough...
I'd personally love to spend time in Greece, Croatia, Turkey, and Vietnam. With a long pit stop in Italy.
It's normal to stress about an upcoming trip that will take you far away, especially to a place where you haven't been to before.
I was REALLY scared and tense before we moved to Italy, it was a relief to get on the plane and the feeling of excitement replaced the fears.
Ireland is gorgeous and low key...almost like a fairy tale of enchanted lands, winding country roads, hobbit houses hidden behind hedges, and castles by the wild sea. Full of colors and nature. The big cities are more boisterous, but still great.