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Longer threads are often moved there to save room here for other peoples questions
Your not the first your not the last, and your not alone
I wear a tee shirt that has some of my favorite sayings on it , that makes me feel like the one in charge, gives me strength, and makes it feel more like the employer and not the employee.
Find something that gives you strength and reminds you who you are , your the employer in this.
Try the super man pose before you walk in moms apartment, stand straight, put you hand son your waist and take a few deep breaths, then walk in.
Also, my Dad wants to buy a used car to go the supermarket, instead of using our car. Good, because I told him, to be honest if you kill or injure someone using my car - they will sue us and wipe our retirement out. I told you what he did in Florida crossing 3 lanes with oncoming traffic and stopping in the middle. I have no control right now to stop him from driving and I'm not getting involved. I'm finished - even if he kills himself - they know everything! Hate to sound mean - but, I'm done!
Just don't take him to buy his own car. If he wants a car he will have to go on his own to make it happen.
Are you the one that will be paying for the insurance and car since you are supporting them financially? Please don't pay for this insanity.
If dad wants to go somewhere he can take an Uber or a taxi.
And why are you letting dad use your car anyway when you know what a poor driver he is?
Yes if he does kill or injure someone you can be sued for letting him use your car. My husbands brother died because someone let the POS borrow their car and the family sued their insurance, if the owner of the car had assets they would have sued them personally too for the death and debilitating injuries to BIL's wife who will be in a wheel chair for the rest of her life.
We lived in Santa Margherita Ligure on the water closer to Paraggi. In an UNESCO area. So beautiful.
We moved there after I got a false positive diagnosis for breast cancer - it took a full year afterwards to verify that the diagnosis was false. Luckily, I didn't have chemo or surgery before it was clear that I was negative for breast cancer. My husband and I were so giddy with relief that we sold our home and took the proceeds to live in Europe for 5 years; 4 years in Italy and 1 year in France. These were the best years of my life. And we were young and healthy enough to enjoy the experiences fully.
I'd give almost anything to move back to Italy, but now we are too old to deal with Italy's lovely chaos, the day to day magical carnival of living in Italy...the feast for all the senses.
All the trompe le oeil--MAGNIFICENT.
Color me PEA GREEN WITH ENVY.
PS: I had a double mastectomy with NO reconstruction - totally flat - I had Stage II aggressive ER PR positive breast cancer with Lymphovascular Invasion - 5 years out. Had the horrible "Red Devil" chemo, no radiation - chose to remove breasts. Now on an aromatase inhibitor and suffering horrible joint pains and hot flashes, brain fog, nervousness, insomnia, gained 20 pounds, lost 20 pounds - just a basket case. Going for my next scan to see if lung nodules are metastatic. More worried about my husband. Hopefully, you are doing ok.
I read your response to LostinPlace’s time living in Italy that you “have to go to Ireland….” I just wanted to let you know that Ireland is quite beautiful as well! One of our favorite countries to visit. Get your Green on!!
(pf course)
You can mail it to
Number 2 Yellow Brick Road
Somewhere Special
No zip.
Use a Forever stamp. I have stuff going out from my will with them!
My love to all for this entertaining post. May it go on forever!
And may the USPS forever honor "forever" stamps.
Do you think it a wise decision he buy a car & drive?
And how mobile is Mom? Get in & out of the car OK with just your Dad. Is she trustworthy as a passenger? Wears her seatbelt? Any yelling "Slow down!" in panic?
Any concerns that would decrease their safety?
I remember driving like a snail with my 80-something Grandma while she clutched on for dear life. She was a good passenger until her eyesight worsened.
His chances of getting sicker by traveling may put him in the hospital due to his weakened immune system and constant pain.
What's the worst they do fire him? He would have a great lawsuit if they did that.
Now's the time for him to take some sick leave or disability leave. I am sure his oncologist/doctor could write a scrip telling his work he is not able to fly or travel due to the feeding tube, constant pain and weakened immunity.
I also don't think his boss realizes the extent of his medical problems. If he did, shame on him for insisting he should be going. What kind of person does that? It sounds like a high pressure situation and he certainly will not be on his game.
Ask him what he plans to do if he keels over away from home and ends up in the hospital. What are his expectations as to what should happen if he can't get back home? Does he have a plan? What are his expectations as to what you should do given your situation with your family? There is a high likelihood that it could play out this way and he should really think about this.
Something to think about romeo.
Look, it's out of my hands and I'm sure he'll manage, but what will happen when he gets home - he collapses from the whole ordeal?
Sometimes you have to encourage and encourage, but in the end they have to make there own decision. And we have to let the cookies crumble,where that may
Your husband probably wants to take care of you , by getting the key made, that's my husband too, and it's sweet.
It's normal to stress about an upcoming trip that will take you far away, especially to a place where you haven't been to before.
I was REALLY scared and tense before we moved to Italy, it was a relief to get on the plane and the feeling of excitement replaced the fears.
Ireland is gorgeous and low key...almost like a fairy tale of enchanted lands, winding country roads, hobbit houses hidden behind hedges, and castles by the wild sea. Full of colors and nature. The big cities are more boisterous, but still great.
Maybe we should start a new discussion thread about our dream fantasy of the "perfect" respite vacation. If we could afford it, that is. And if we were healthy enough, or young enough...
I'd personally love to spend time in Greece, Croatia, Turkey, and Vietnam. With a long pit stop in Italy.
You and your DH refuse to put yourselves and your health and well being ahead of your parents wants.
Although they are 97 and 93 they will probably outlive both of you at this rate.
Sorry to be nosy, but what are you doing in their apartment at 11pm?
Wouldn't your Husband have things to do &/or need an early night before his trip?
It's time to be more serious about YOUR wellbeing + your husband's wellbeing. ??