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The VA has a website at which questions can be posed, and information provided: iris.custhelp
(Sometimes the links are deleted; if so, then google VA Inquity Routing and Information)
Search online for the nearest VA outpatient hospital near you, call and speak with someone in the Eligibility Department and ask about applying for benefits for your mother.
Or you can check with your county as well as the state to determine if they have veterans' departments that help you apply for benefits. VFW and American Legion will also help, and know how to expedite an application because they're so experienced. And they do it for free.
We went through the county VA Veterans Services department, which prepared the initial application and supporting data for service connected disability qualification, then e-mailed it to the American Legion office locally for processing.
You mentioned various services: home care help, in home therapy, visiting nurses, music therapy, meals on wheels .
Home care help might be provided if your mother qualified for it through the VA; some people though do pay for it out of pocket.
In home therapy can be prescribed by a physician, for a limited time, and paid for by Medicare. Same with visiting nurses.
I don't know of any governmental service that pays for music therapy; we go to local community and library events for our free concerts.
Meals on Wheels costs $3 per meal in our area and is restricted to people who don't have their own transportation. My father gets it, and also gets extra meals for the holiday. In his area, the service is provided through the township senior center; in other areas I believe it might be provided through the Area Agency on Aging. You'll have to do some research for your specific area.
I know my father would never consider it a blessing if I put him in a facility; he'd consider it heartbreaking.
This really is a personal decision.
But your points are interesting and reflective of your opinion. I hope your book is successful and helps people with the difficult task of decision making throughout these often long processes of caring for our elders.
With a properly certified VA application, and a caregiver agreement she should meet VA eligibility, and hopefully she has some Social Security/Retirement to help along with the VA amount of up to $1.149. I am in Georigia, have helped hundreds. There are many nuances to the VA application.
So if your contract is for 20 hours a week and you want to get another 20 hours a week, Medicaid may balk and see it as a duplication.
I worked in a skilled nursing facility.several in fact .
I understand sometimes it's best . However it's sometimes best to keep your loved one home . This is personal . People should keep a promise to the best of their ability . Call Medicare and ask . Call the local hospital and ask . Call local nursing homes and ask . They all have good ideas to try .
2. The facility must certify ADL's are being administered.There is no requirement on the part of the Veteran/Spouse that the Facility "Must accept"; it does not go to the facility.
3. Once on Medicaid; the benefit , will not be paid into the account