By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
You need to tell your spouse that this is not working any longer . Then both of you together tell your in laws that either they hire help to come into the home or both of them have to go to assisted living , whatever you think would work best . If they need help available 24/7 then assisted living is best .
Stop running over there . A wise social worker told me “ Stop helping them , let them fail , so they accept help from either hired help at home or assisted living “. You are propping them up so they are able to stay in their home with a false sense of independence . They are not independent .
Hopefully forum1641 will heed your advice!
He will never leave as long as others are caring for him 24/7.
Why would they want to move when this is working well for them (no matter what it's doing to you).
Time for a long sit down talk, and then a withdrawal of your support and care, so they can recognize they need said to enter care. Give them all emergency numbers to call, and a list of agencies to call for paid support.
All I can say is there will be an illness or a fall requiring a trip to the emergency room in the near future. You will just tell the medical staff that this is an unsafe discharge, that your in-laws cannot take care of themselves, let alone each other. That is what I had to do for my father and then for my mother. We placed them both in the local NH. They were together there for 9 months until my mother passed in June. Not the greatest thing to have done but it was what was needed. My sisters and I could no longer handle their care.
I also hope your husband is in the trenches with you and that this situation is not all falling on your shoulders.
Peace be found.
I'm sorry to say that many times something bad has to happen to get the loved ones into the proper care facility to meet their needs. I did homecare for 25 years and I will tell you from experience, that the more you prop their lives and the false independence they think they still have, the more stubborn they will become in their refusal to move to AL. So you stop running over there every time your MIL works herself up into a panic over nothing. Or because she's needy. You have to step back to help them. They need to be in AL and they will be if you stop doing for them at every turn.
Is there a POA active and in place? That helps, but if your FIL isn't incapacitated no one can force him to go or do anything. He's the next-of-kin to your MIL as well.
Call APS (Adult Protective Services) and report this situation. Tell them two vunerable elders with dementia are living alone and need to be placed. Ask the police to do regular wellness checks on them. They will and when they see your MIL's hysterical anxiousness and neediness, they will get APS to act. Then likely both of them get sent to AL, or at least your MIL does.
So, sorry, but you do need to set some serious boundaries and reclaim YOUR life. Your priority MUST be your personal family. Make a plan today and enact it tomorrow. They will whine and cry and maybe yell. That's OK. Of course they won't be happy. But are you happy with this situation?? Obviously not. Things will only change if you make them change.
Best of luck.
I would also tell my husband that I am retiring from this position, they are his parents not yours. It is his responsibility not yours.
Time to back off and get your life back. Good Luck!
STOP running yourself ragged with MIL's needs. If MIL won't go to AL because her husband refuses, then her husband is who takes care of her needs, NOT YOU.
You cannot keep being an unpaid caregiver. STOP running over there! Tell MIL you work and have your own family to take care of. Start saying NO.
Why isn't your husband dealing with his parents?
Whatever you do, DO NOT move in-laws in your home.
OR
Both of you stop "helping" and let your FIL figure out that he really does need the help of Assisted Living.
If you and or your husband continue to jump in and do what needs to be done there is no incentive for them to make a change.
See All Answers