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Consider inviting your husband to take a walk with you only, in your neighborhood at day's end, and, let your Mom know that you are both going on a walking date each night, as one way of being able to talk to each other privately. Is your Mother's memory ok, or does she have any cognitive issues? Does she have any hobbies? Any grandchildren who might come visit and entertain her for a bit for an hour, or so, on a weekend, even? Can she help you make a few hand-made Christmas gifts, even if you don't give them away? Simple crafts could become a little hobby for her if she has the cognitive and motor coordination skills to accomplish. She can even make personalized Christmas cards or holiday greeting cards for others, or dried floral arrangements for Thanksgiving. Sounds like she may be bored? Perhaps, without realizing it, even you may be enabling her interruptions by not creating sufficient structure or routines to help her realize that there is a need for balance in how you and your husband spend time with her and with each other. Just taking a shot at this, as your post doesn't give enough background to determine whether there are physical or cognitive issues, nor clues about how she goes about interrupting your conversations with your husband. Is there anything else going on, in your opinion, or just interruptions and refusal to have other siblings involved in her care.
You are so right with the resentment part, as I have now begun to resent my sister who's lived with us for 18 months. She SAYS she wants to move, but when we asked her seriously about it, she does not want to leave our home. She definitely needs help beyond our emotional and financial needs any more, but of course she doesn't see it that way. I have even told her my health and nerves can't take it anymore, and she needs to move elsewhere. (she is qualified for 24/7 care, but won't go). We have POW, but hoped to not have to force any issue. A nurse from the home is trying to reason with her, as she need to have a chest x-ray and ekg, but she doesn't "do" doctors. Hang in there caregiverslight....I'm praying for all of us!
I understand 100% it really drags you down sometimes I had the same issue with my mother but when I brought home boxes and the apartment papers for her to sign she said she thought she would be better off staying here, than she tried it again, I told her to go but that she wouldn't she didn't when I brought the boxes home etc. She said I never did that? okay make me think I'm crazy to. Its a hard situation and you just have to learn to distance yourself from them and not plug into their unhealthy energy easier said than done but doable.
Hope it works out!
Best,
Jackie
She will get angry at times, but they are her kids and she will allow them to help and spend time with them. Hang tough, be strong when you must. Just like they did when you were younger.