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If so, can you take 2 weeks leave/FMLA and go to your mother's home and provide respite? It might give you a better handle on both her caregiving and medical needs.
Will your brother leave for 2 weeks?
- Adult Day Care program
- a live-in respite facility (if there is one) or NH
- agency hired help
- privately hired individuals (from Care.com, etc)
- willing family members on shifts
Or a combo of some of the above. Good care is costly.
If you "hire" someone to come in to cover your brother, make sure at least one of the rest of you are prepared if you get "the phone call" - that whoever is covering is unable to make their shift. Make sure you have a reasonable, doable back-up plan in place, so brother who is on vacation isn't fielding the phone calls regarding coverage.
If you choose to go with a temporary NH for respite, ***please*** make sure you talk to that facility, well before you are looking to place mom, about what they will require to admit someone for respite. It's ***not*** like making a hotel reservation. I put my mom in respite once, and we had to have an independent, licensed RN who was qualified to do a needs assessment come into my home and interview me AND mom to make sure she qualified for respite care. In my county, there are exactly TWO of such nurses. These were details I had to get in place WEEKS before we left for our vacation...had I waited until the last minute, there would have been no way to get all our ducks in a row to get mom into respite. It was neither a quick nor simple process, but the relief at knowing mom was in a place where she was being looked after, and I wasn't going to have to field the "sorry, I can't make it today" phone calls while I was away on vacation was wonderful.
Is this simply another hypothetical question? You have been posting frequently and all of the questions just seem a bit impersonal and generic.
If this is just that, a hypothetical:
1. No there is really not another good way to entrust an elder to SAFE care unless a WANTED, CAPABLE, fully TRUSTED, VOLUNTEERING family member wishes to do this care, and the family doing it currently wishes to have them do it.
2. Anything less than the above would result in more bickering and emergency calls and questions of right ways and wrong ways of doing, and etc. In other words the last thing you personally would want.
You told us you resigned as MPOA, so you have no say, if that was truth.
Let him put mom in respite care, it's no skin off you, he is the one that has been dealing with her daily for ten years. Cut the Guy some slack already.
What does "Oh, by the way, Sister Sandy is going to come by tomorrow and stay with you for two weeks while I go to Bermuda" say to the patient? That they're not really important enough for a professional to take care of them? Or something like that?