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I am an “only” living 700 miles from 88 yr old mom, with whom I’ve always had a contentious relationship. I recently learned she trusted a “day trader” and his mother. From what I can piece together (my mom won’t divulge all the info to me), these two have scammed her. She has “loaned” him at least 125k (he has paid back 400), he has taken out a credit card in her name and charged approximately $40k worth of charges (which she paid off) and has gotten her to invest with his mother, an unknown amount in a penny stock scam.


We discovered this guy has a record for fraud, spent time in jail and he and his mom have been investigated by the SEC. We have been approached by FL and NJ securities officials and financial regulators. NJ APS has contacted her three times (she told them to leave her alone). There is also a federal legal component as well.


My mother will neither work with authorities nor make me her rep in this matter. She feels he is a “nice boy” who is trying to pay her back (NOT). She says she couldn’t live with herself if she thought she sent him to jail. She refuses to move against these people and is adamantly opposed to helping the authorities in any way.


My fear is these people have ALL her info. They could mortgage any or all of her properties and leave her destitute. She doesn’t feel her finances are in jeopardy and won’t protect herself in any way.


She still drives and in every other aspect is competent. Both our children are trial lawyers. We have all tried to make her see reason. How do I protect her? What should I do?


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Wonder who this pair scammed the $400.00 from. Maybe come up with a story on that.
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Tough situation. My mother lost a huge sum of $$ to a hedge fund scam...never asked her knowledgeable children if an 80 year old of modest means should put most of her $$ in a hedge fund. Hell...she didnt even know what a hedge fund was...still doesnt. She cooperated with authorities because it was a high profile case, but when we suggested she go after the advisor who completely shirked his fiduciary responsibility and put her in the fund knowing it was almost all the $$ she had, she said she didnt want to because she couldnt live with herself if something bad happened to him as a result. Sound familiar? Meanwhile her $$ to live on was gone as well as any inheritence for her family. When she drafted her POA she put one brother on as co-POA and he was in the midst of marital issues with a very $$ hungry wife, so I refused to sign the papers because i could see them taking advantage. Eventually we convinced her to assign a different sibling as co-POA, but during that process and whenever we ask her questions about her finances, she bristles and says she isnt stupid or insane. She is very lucid but a bit naive and careless with her $$ and gets very defensive when asked anything despite her track record of making or almost making bad decisions. It's all very difficult as all we are trying to do is protect our parents and the $$ they worked hard for and will likely need. Hope it works out.
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OMG 😮. File police report immediately! Have freeze on credit ...call all 3 credit reporting agencies. Report all credit cards stolen. Change bank account number & require picture ID to withdraw $$$, get poa & take control of her financial & health.
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Heather10 Jan 2019
The original post states that the mother told investigators to "leave her alone".
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Also, from the original post: "My mother will neither work with authorities nor make me her rep in this matter. She feels he is a “nice boy” who is trying to pay her back (NOT). She says she couldn’t live with herself if she thought she sent him to jail. She refuses to move against these people and is adamantly opposed to helping the authorities in any way."

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If the mother has NOT been deemed incompetent and will not complain about the behavior of these people, there will be nothing the authorities can do.

Also bank officials will NOT be able to do anything to help, if the mother refuses to say that these people did anything wrong.

Those are just the facts of the dilemma. Unless and until the mother is either deemed mentally incompetent, or she is willing to file charges for theft, etc, the authorities are essentially stymied.
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If your mother has been deemed competent by a doctor and she will not file complaints against these people, there is very little you can do.

What you can do is file a complaint, against these people, with the appropriate agencies and that MAY or may not trigger an investigation, into all their dealings, which may eventually reveal that your mother was one of their victims.

Also, the attorney that told you that if your mother feels you are interfering or acting controlling or aggressively toward her behavior, then it may trigger an APS investigation against you.

If a person has been deemed competent, it is true..... they can do whatever they want with their own money and attempting to control that can be deemed suspicious.

If your mother is competent and she is willing to trust a stranger over you, then you are right to be done with her.
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Find out their names and turn them in. Chances are they have records. You will need some proof, also. You don't want them to do the same thing to someone else. Good luck.
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Thank you for your thoughtful responses. My family tried to explain that we aren’t angry or disappointed and that she has nothing to be ashamedof. The money is lost and we only want to protect her from being taken advantage of by this predator in the future. She got angry at us and has refused our help and APS’s help and stormed off.
I then consulted a NJ estate lawyer. First, he said it would take two independent physicians to concur on competency and I need to understand this is a “nuclear” option. Second, it is her money and she is free to do with it as she wishes. Lastly, if she feels WE are being predatory or aggressive in terms of her assets, she can have APS protect her from us. I’ve spoken to her bank and her financial person to alert them to the danger. I reached out to both the NJ and FL offices of Financial regulation. I sent them what evidence I have. Hopefully, it helps them to build a case. So for now, until she wants our help we are done.
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anonymous594015 Jan 2019
That is heartbreaking. I'm very sorry to hear it.
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If she is competent maybe there is nothing you can do. Perhaps if she lived with you this could have been prevented, but in my opinion, it is not illegal to give away money. You should have been Power of Attorney...Now if he appropriated these funds selling some kinds of goods or services and never delivers, that's clearly fraud. But gifting is not illegal.

She has to file a police report..but good luck getting anything back.
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Have you considered another tack - get the SEC and other authorities to make her think she can go to prison for aiding and abetting fraud and elder abuse. You and your brothers would have to go along with it - but if that guy and his mother aren't charged someone else is going to be defrauded - also I'm not sure but a judge might order her incompetent to handle her own finances and assign a conservator to control her finances, but leave the rest of her activities self-governed. Your brothers could find out about this - Your choice may be doing something like this or taking a chance on finding out someone else got to her money and she is penniless and maybe a ward of the state.
The landlord I rented from in SE Iowa was not taking care of the houses he owned and was gambling and giving all his money to young women (teens and 20s) his children got a financial conservator-ship and he can still make all decisions except money and renters (he had a bunch of young girls living rent free in several of his places)
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I can certainly understand your frustration. My older sister who has early onset, was scammed by her OWN SON. He became her POA and had her sign off on insurance, and deceased husband's retirement. Took the money and went on a spending spree for himself. Then had my mother, who is in her 80's, take care of her because he didn't have the time. I took over as caregiver and found out that he was trying to use his POA for a cash out on my sisters retirement. But, he didn't have the correct documentation to steal it. My sister still had debts that needed to be paid, and he just basically made it harder for her. So, I was able to to get all her paperwork started so she couldn't receive her monthly annuities. We are paying off her debts and also able to hire a part time companion. Horrible people in this world....including your own family!!!
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anonymous843354 Jan 2019
I had to take my OWN BROTHER to court: he was stealing our senile dad's money with the POA that Dad had stupidly given him (over my objections: I'd begged Dad to leave it with an attorney but that ship has sailed).

My brother refused to resign when my lawyer presented him with a letter detailing the crimes he'd already committed (we had the proof that he'd taken $100K and had set up a new investment account with a crooked pal of his who is an investment broker). So we had to take him to court.

His defense? He lied his rear end off, under oath, about his actions, and spent half his time on the stand assassinating my character. But I was acting on my father's behalf, and not asking for the POA myself: but for the court to appoint a neutral third party as conservator.

I won the court case, and the conservator was appointed, but my wicked brother has savagely amputated me from his life, vilified me to his daughters (they have no idea he disinherited them in favor of his third wife) and everyone at the nursing home; and has even begun to try to get our addled father to turn against me.

So I have no immediate family left. Dad is very far out of it, so it's hard to even have a conversation. My mother and sister died in 2009 (cancers). Fortunately, I have three cousins I'm pretty close to, and two aunts and uncles, and they all know the score.

Still: I had to do it, because the alternative would have STILL left us with a broken family, but with Dad destitute and possibly me as well. Given my brother's actions and his utter lack of a conscience or any remorse, he didn't give a d___ about us anyway, so in reality, what relationship was there to lose?

And I had adored him. I knew he had some Baggage, but I never would have thought him capable of This. I am absolutely gutted.
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She is NOT competent. (Children are often the last to see the signs.) Anyone who gets scammed repeatedly is not able to make sound financial decisions.

Personally, I would make it clear to my mom that I will have nothing to do with her if she doesn't turn over control of her finances. I had to do that with my dad. It was hard. I told him I would cut off all contact with him and that he would never see his grandchildren again - it actually came to that (and I meant it). He finally yielded and within a couple of months wanted nothing to do with his own finances. He doesn't even bother opening his mail now.

Your mother will let these swindlers bilk her out of every penny. They won't stop. Then, she'll have no resources and the cost of her care will fall on you. Are you OK with that? If not, stop her now. Protect yourself.
Don't worry about punishing the scammers, focus on stopping the flow of your mother's assets into their pockets!
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Rabanette Jan 2019
Agree. OGs mom is definitely not competent.
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From my occasional listening to consumer programmes on this subject, I gather that one factor the criminals rely on is that their victims often such feel overwhelming shame at having been "greedy" (because they have "invested" in money-for-nothing schemes) and "stupid" (because they were so gullible as to be taken in by technicolor sharks) that they are not prepared to do anything about what has happened to them. They prefer to bury their heads in the sand, or even worse carry on as before.

It seems that your mother is a classic case in point. Would you be able to find out if other victims of this despicable pair have formed any kind of self-help group, and put them in touch with her? If your mother refuses to feel that she herself has been defrauded and robbed, perhaps there will be other members of the group who will arouse her indignation and change her mind about taking action.
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Has anyone shown her his mug shots and charges that he went to jail for? Sometimes cold hard facts in front of a person will help them see the truth. Letting her know that she is not the only one to fall for his scheming might also make her feel less gullible and foolish.
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I think I would contact your local office of the NJ State Attorney General. If they operate the same way the NY one does, there will be someone there who can talk to your mom and explain to her why these people need to be prosecuted. They will investigate and your mom may see some restitution. You should also talk to someone at one of the 3 major credit bureaus - the AGs office would probably tell you this - and get them to put a watch on your mom's credit. For 90 days, they will monitor her credit and no one will be able to open any accounts under her name. When my mom's purse was stolen, I called each credit card company and cancelled her cards, then I called the credit bureau and asked them to monitor. That was 8 years ago and they are still watching her credit. When I went to get a phone in her name at her memory care facility a couple of years ago, the phone company said her credit was frozen and they couldn't do it. I had neglected to contact them again after the 90 days and take the watch off. I had to have the phone put in her name with the bill coming to me - they were still watching her accounts and not allowing new ones, which is great as far as I'm concerned.
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If you are Not her Power of Attorney, Have no legalities she put you in charge to help Protect her, Sad as it is, There isn't much you can do. However, if you do feel she is "Not playing with a full bag of marbles," You can go to Court and get Guardianship. Other than that, You may even have to show Tough Love by telling her "This is how, Mom, It is going down now."
Contact Anyone under the Sun , hun, Who has been in touch with her concerning this guy. Tell them to then Notify you instead of Mom, as a Concerned family member. If he does commit anything else, You can get him to "Stop" altogether now. But with what he is doing with screwing Mom over, I would say Mom is not altogether Right in the Mind and not Making the correct decisions.
Contact too your Protective Adult Services. I would have to say this shyster is Endangering the Welfare of an Elderly Vulnerable Elderly Person.
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The area agency on aging is responsible for investigating potential elder abuse, including financial abuse. In NJ this is done at the county level and can be initiated with a confidential report, For more information contact: https://www.state.nj.us/humanservices/doas/services/aps/
Unfortunately the abusers will cultivate a relationship with the elder that are lonely for the purpose of exploiting them. Also in some instances often either embarrassed... or afraid of their abusers. It is very important to stop this as the abuser will continue to do this to others as well.
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Go to mom. Do not try to do this on the phone. Get someone in from local police or a federal agency that is involved and have them come talk to her with you there. They can show her the legal records and proof that these people are criminals. Let them explain that it will be HER fault if these people impoverish someone else, because she could have stopped them and didn't. If she still won't see this clearly, use it to take control of her finances. Your responsibility is to protect her. It sounds like she is using these people as a surrogate family. Maybe that is her message to you?
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LBK, what a jarring story. I’m an only to an 86 year old, we’re from NJ too (neither of us lives there anymore). Also with a contentious relationship. You’ve likely thought of this, but I’d consider the ‘big guns.’ You, spouse, and the kids will not talk to her until she closes the credit card and prosecutes that specific item. It’s that important, and tell her so. She is leaving hard-working authorities without help, and exposing other people to this pair’s thievery and tell her you can’t deal with someone who’d do that. I’m scared for her too, and this is the only way I see to drive the point home.
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Guardianship cannot be gotten on a competent person. She can also refuse help. APS's responsibility is limited. I had where woman I know was taken from her apt. because of Dementia and an infected foot. They left her adult special needs son there alone. Never told him Mom wasn't coming back. Had no transportation but TG someone brought him food. I wracked my brain trying to figure out how to help him. Finally, I contacted one of my nephews people. She had worked with this family before so knew his history. She called the health dept and they got him out of there. He is now in the same NH as his Mom and happy.
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It sounds like there is a contact person within NJ APS, right?
If so, I’d start there. I’d suggest you plan on doing whatever to get guardianship over mom. It may be that - since your out of state - that mom becomes a ward of the state of NJ with a court appointed guardian for all financials. With perhaps you as guardian for health & medical issues. The court appointed guardian can go after the grifters in ways you cannot ever do.

Any idea if they are Traveling Irish? They do lots of father/daughter , mother/son scams, very good at it, very persuasive.
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Does she have someone close like a friend that she would listen to? My father did some business dealings right in front of me and he wouldnt let me say a word. Now blames me for the bad decision he had made. I wish i had one of his friends there, i think he would of listened to them.
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LBKinSC Jan 2019
Her 92 yr old cousin has been victim along with his kids. She won’t tell anyone as she is embarrassed.
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