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There's a saying, "when you know one person with dementia, you know ONE person with dementia.
My mom had Vascular Dementia with aphasia from a stroke. Her speech and language skills were shot, but she could assist with the mechanics of dressing, just not the planning. She knew who we all were right up to the end.
A friend's mom, with Alzheimers, confused her daughters, granddaughter and great-grandchildren, didn't recall if she'd been married or had kids, but her speech was clear to the end.
I hope others will post soon with more insight. (((Hugs)))).
My mother had very advanced dementia and still fed herself. She could still button her blouse, no problem. She hobbled her wheelchair over to the toilet all day long and did her business there, cleaned herself, fell off the toilet lots of times, but by God, she 'went to the bathroom herself.' Then she'd start carrying on about 'my mother is hiding from me and I can't find her, what am I going to do???' Her mother died 37 years prior.
The one thing you can bank on with dementia is that you don't know WHAT to expect from your mother from one hour to the next.
People who are on death's door have been known to have a rally. To start speaking in a totally lucid fashion after being totally mute for years. To ask for a large meal after not eating food for weeks on end. To laugh and joke around, too, after not being out of bed for ages.
Nothing is normal about dementia, so you can't go by the book on anything. You can read until you're blue in the face, and still you won't find your mother's behavior in any of the pages you look at. Dementia is as individual as one's own thumbprint, as our dear Alva likes to say about disease in general. And she's right.
My mother was up and about schmoozing with the other residents in MC right up until the minute she felt tired and went into her bed. Then she went into a semi-comatose state and never got out of that bed again. She died one week later, having never woken up fully again. She'd been on a steady decline for a full year, really, but judging on how she was acting, I thought she'd live at least another year or two. I was wrong.
Dementia fools everybody all the time.
All you know is that you know nothing. And that's the hardest thing of all; the helplessness you feel.
Best of luck to you as you try to navigate the rockiest road on earth.
Dementia and the damage it does is different for each person.
Rejoyce in what she can still do, mourn what she has lost, accept that she will continue to lose bits and pieces and be prepared to help her manage as best as you and she can.
I learned a LOT caring for my Husband. Do I wish that things had been different, you bet! But I am grateful for what I did have and I was able to care for him.
Good luck.
My mother had MCI with some memory issues (most short term but some long term as short term memories were not "written" into long term) but the neurologist stated she did not have dementia (problems thinking). Mom remained reasonable in contrast to my father with vascular dementia who was very difficult to cope with at times. For example, Mom stopped driving when asked with a reason. Dad claimed he could drive as well as ever even after he had rear ended a car and gotten lost.
Her physical therapist told me that most of her patients who are similar to my mother cognitively are in a wheelchair, but my mother has no co-morbidities.
The only medication she takes is a thyroid pill. Her vitals are normal and her heart is strong. She has a very strong grip.
She has the gusto to constantly yell my name - all day long - hundreds of times a day. Yelling like that exhausts me.
So, my mother is also not following the spectrum of dementia in my opinion.
long and short term memory are severely diminished.
he doesn't remember if he did something just a few seconds ago (like checking his banking account, one of his obsessions).
however, except for physical limitations, he is able to dress and clean himself, to feed himself (yet he puts tantrums because he doesn't like eating).
on the latter years, he was doing translations and he is still able to translate but he doesn't remember how to type.
all this has had a severe decline in just a few weeks.
I wish you a gentle relationship with your mom.
I have to acknowledge that, since my father is still able to hold a conversation, his dementia comes out as stubbornness or just plain nonsense and I tend to loose my patience quite easily.
She could dress herself, toilet (for the most part), could chat a bit w MC staff/PT, feed herself, knew me til the end. Yet, only recalled a childhood home(nothing from her adulthood), no additional sequential reasoning, had short term memory loss. Her MMSE scored as moderate then, later, severe dementia.
We know are Moms the best and you’re doing the best for her out of love..Definitely not a ‘textbook’ disease with hard/steadfast stages. ❤️🙏🏻 to you & Mom