By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
No, YOU should not continue to send updates regularly.
Your HUSBAND - whose sister and mother this is - should be the one to update his sister regularly.
It's not on either one of you if SIL chooses not to respond.
Is your husband's relationship with this sister acrimonious? If so, has it always been so? Or is this new behavior on the part of your SIL?
My one sister NEVER responded to updates about our mother's health. Never. I still let her know, but I did it for MY sake, not hers. And it had nothing to do with "covering myself". I didn't want to look back in 10 years, 20 years, whatever, and ask myself if by NOT letting sister know what was going on, did I inadvertently "rob" her of time with our mother? So now that all is said and done, I can look in the mirror and know that I did the right thing by letting her know how bad mom was getting - the choice to not respond was hers, and she can never, ever use the excuse "well, no one ever told me how bad mom was". By keeping her in the loop, I removed that excuse from her lexicon.
These emails may be worded in a way that don't seem to require a response.
There's obviously tension here - would a " thanks for the update" response from her really make a difference? Are the emails worded in a way that would try to make her feel bad? Maybe she's having personal issues - have you asked her how SHE'S doing? She did put in 14 years - maybe she's physically or mentally damaged from it.
Then they move mom, cut sisters contact with the facility, criticize sister for telling mom things she asked about, blocked her from any contact except email and now they are wondering why she doesn't respond.
Hmmm? I can't even begin to imagine why you wouldn't know why she doesn't respond. Seems quite clear to me.
The letter should NOT be detailed, should not ask for money or advice, and keep it light-hearted and short, and maybe include a pictures of a pleasant memory. Get to the point fast. It should not be more than a page.
If you want her input on something, put it at the top of the email and make sure it is on the subject line. Try to stay away from drama words like "urgent" and "need your response"...I automatically toss those because email should not be used for urgent matters and they are usually from spammers anyway.
The reason why your emails might be going unacknowledged could be because they are in her spam box or her primary email address is different than the one you have. It doesn't matter, that's her problem. I would still send her a quick update, maybe once a month, if anything of interest has happened.
Use it as a way to chronicle your MIL's life.
"When people show you who they are, believe them the first time."
So, let her go.
Leave sleeping dogs lie.
You're sure she is alive and kicking, are you? - the daughter, I mean.
All the best!
Simple as that. It's what I would do. One thing off my plate, less to think about, and I would be assured she could reach out to me if she wished.
Best to you.
If it will make you sleep better at night, send her a certified letter stating "mom is a resident at this particular facility and her diagnosis is XYZ. We have reached out to you repeatedly with updates, but have not gotten any response. The ball is now in your court. If you want updates about your mom or wish to visit her, feel free to contact us."
I guess I don't understand what the concern is....does MIL have a large estate that your husband thinks his sister is going to challenge?
Have your husband pick up a phone and call his sister. Tell her that you both understand that she doesn't want email updates on mother but that you have to send them because she's immediate family. She doesn't have to read them and can just delete them when she sees them in her email. You and your husband need a record of her being updated though.
I'm sure she'll understand. If she doesn't, well just keep sending her an email update until she blocks you from doing so.
Well, there's your answer. Let HIM do the periodic updates!
Gives her another excuse for not contacting her mother...why should she when she knows everything is ok and being handled by you and your husband?
Back off, let her call you if she wants to know something. There are no repercussions to be dealt with, it is her responsibility to check on her mother.
They have to keep her updated because she's immediate family and they don't want to run into problems later.
Problems like maybe challenging a POA or conservatorship because they're failing to keep her in "the loop" and it's her mother too.
She sounds to me like she doesn't give two sh*ts or a pickle about her mother and her reasons are her own. She'll get no judgments from me on that. But I have seen siblings who had zero contact with a parent for years take a sibling who does have the legal authority into court and challenge them for it. Not out of love or care for the parent but because someone talks them into believing maybe there's money somewhere that the NH or MC didn't find out about. Or that the sibling in charge is screwing them out of a possible inheritance in some way.
The argument they always bring into court is that the sibling in charge wouldn't keep them updated on their "loved one". Not even an email or text.
This is why the OP needs to keep sending those update emails.
How much time does it take you to sit and write out a few lines about how "M" is doing?
It does not cost anything to send an update.
If nothing else it might make her feel just a little bad that she does not have a connection.
Now if the daughter were on the forum and wrote ... "I keep getting emails updating me on my mother's medical condition, my mother and I have never gotten along and I really don't want these emails! Why don't they get the hint and stop sending them"
My response to daughter would be....
If you no longer wish to get the email updates send an email and tell them that you no longer wish an update. You can just delete them without reading. But my suspicion is you do want the updates. Just because no update probably means mom has died and that leads me to the question is do you want to be informed when she dies?
So I guess my answer to you is...I would still send the update, does not take much time and it does not cost anything. I would probably do a monthly or every other month one and keep it short. (and yes I realize that monthly or every 2 months is more than you are doing now but as I said very little time and no cost to you.)