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Maybe I need to go to counseling to reconcile my anger at sister for taking advantage of mother with pleas of sister being a single mother and all her hardships. Would that help? Worth a try?
Thanks for support.
Your Mom has a soft spot for her, probably because she's either the eldest or the runt. But until she learns to say "No" and mean it, sis over there will keep taking advantage and leave you to deal with the wreckage.
Roll up your sleeves and tie your hair up. This one might get ugly.
Mom has seen sister's house. It is messy and bigger than Mom's house.
Sister is the eldest and only one in town with Mom. Mom just cannot say "No". Tempting to ask sister how she plans to exist at this pace once she does not have supplemented income. That is only way I have thought of to ask in a "I care about you." manner.
I think Mom sees me as only one who can handle the situation with sister always asking "Please Mum, may I have a little more?" I will be able to say No, but I see my mother being taken advantage of now and limiting what she does in order to supplement the "tick".
Any recommendations about how to approach the sister who is pressuring mother aside from a boxing match? I do have my gloves on and hair tied up tho!!!
At the very least, all funds given to sister should be accounted for and addendum drawn up to estate will stating that this $$ will be deducted from sisters share of the estate in the end...provided any is left.
I would tell her she isn't getting one more dime and if she needs money, get a second job, a roommate or sell the house and move someplace she can afford.
I'm going thru some what the same problem as you are.I'm my Aunt's Durable POA. But, my Aunt is compatent to do what she wants to do. I'm moreless seating back waiting for my Aunt to do something wrong. She pays her bills but, with her dementia causes other problems. For me it's a waiting game. Sounds like it's a waiting game for you as well. The hardest thing for me is to attempt taking my Aunt to her doctor to be told not compatent. If it was me told not compatent I would disown the feller that told the doctor to do so lol.
If your your Mother's POA?
Simply go to her bank as her POA and ask for past bank statements for your proof. Show the other brothers and Sisters your Mother's bank statements as proof your sister's sucking money from your Mother.
Regardless,if your Mother is compatent? It's your Mother's Money. She can do what she see's fit with her money until you act.If your your Mother's Durable POA?
You will be required to count for any money missing if/when Medicaid gets involved.
As long as your Mother is compatent? Your sister can drain her dry.
/hugs
Do you mean that your mother lived with you in your townhouse for six years, or that she lived for six years staying occasionally with you but for the main part with your sister and BIL? It sounds like the latter. $2500 per month sounds plenty but not outrageous, particularly not if it was well within your mother's means. If you didn't think your home was a good environment for your mother, you could have said so, you know. There are other options for respite care, when your sister needed alone time, which every caregiver does need.
Basically... Your sister and her husband provided your mother with a good home, in a lovely place, for over six years, and claimed from her legitimate expenses. I'm not even sure what you were consulting a lawyer about.
Yes, if they are competent, they can do as they please. But you might tell them, calmly and not in a fit of anger, that they will be ineligible for assistance down the road due to gifting of their assets. And that you will not be available to provide care. Find out how much Assisted Living and Nursing Homes cost in your area.
Considering that if your mom ever needs long term care services and has to rely on medicaid the state will do a 60 month look back (in IL your state could be different). The state will assess a penalty for any transfer they feel is inappropriate (such as the money your mom is gifting to your sister). If this happens the state can refuse to pay for your mom's care until the money is recouped AND the nursing home can ask your mom to leave.