By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
They will both certainly start up with the guilt-tripping, negativity, and gaslighting, but ignore it. You have to ignore it. They have to move. Don't get played.
Please stop taking their crap and senior-brat behavior. Your father "researching" places to move when he's "mad" is paramount to the brat-child who packs a suitcase and threatens to run away from home.
This is nonsense. All of you are adults here and you even say in your post that they don't really require care. Them moving into a senior living community is totally realistic. So please don't second-guess and question yourself otherwise.
Offer to help them find a place and to move them in. You don't owe them an explanation for why you want them to move, but if you want to explain just tell them truthfully. That you and your husband would like to live alone. That's all the explanation necessary.
Living apart encourages autonomy, socialization with peers, hobbies and activities, on site care, and the fostering of better relationships between family members due to less resentment in general.
Good luck to you.
Senior living may be fine when everyone is well, it can be quite different if a health issue, COVID, for example is in play.
Showing them all the positives like being around folks their own age, having daily activities to keep them busy if they so choose, and having fun in the last portion of their lives you would think would be a no brainer.
So set up some appointments at several of these places and tell them that as much as you love them, there will come a point when their care will just be too much for you and you would rather they spend their final years in a place that has their best interests and care in mind.
And the nice thing is that when your dad gets on your moms last nerve while she's living in either independent or assisted living she can just go down the hall to visit with a lady friend to get away from him.
You and hubby matter in this equation as well, and deserve to enjoy your lives as well, apart from your parents.
You've paid your dues caring for them for 4 years already, so now it's time for you to get your life back, so you and hubby can start doing things that you enjoy and not have to worry about mom and dad.
Someone has to take the first step and hopefully that someone will be you.
I have a feeling they have gotten a free ride 4 years, which is ridiculous.
When you feel that trapped feeling, take your house and own family back.
They are living with you and there is no reason that they would want to change that.
YOU are going to have to initiate the conversation and tell them point blank that you are in no position to help them physically and it is getting to the point where they will both need more help.
Also mention you are getting older and you have your own physical limitations.
I would set a deadline. If you want to be generous tell them the First of the Year. if you want to push it along by Thanksgiving would be plenty of time.
The big question would be would they want to live near where they are now, where they have friends, know the area or would they want to move closer to your siblings.
(If anyone is POA I would suggest that they locate near that person)
If there is no POA this is another discussion you should be having as well.
My mother is 98, don't assume that they won't be around much longer.
You should go alone to check out some of the places and find out all the details. Then you can take your parents with you to visit the ones you think are most appropriate. Then tell them to pick one - if there is a choice. Sometimes there is a waiting list. Don't offer them any place that has a waiting list because that postpones this move. Get the move done ASAP, just like ripping off a bandaid.
You can't keep them forever and the earlier they settle in to their new space the better for everyone.
So, if you're realllly ready for them to go, make a plan and lower the boom. Expect some b.s. and let it roll off your shoulders. Once they're gone, you'll be so much happier. It's soooo nice to have your house to yourself!
See All Answers