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It seems you have been having problems since 2020 with this boyfriend. Your first post is from 2018. Earlier this month you posted a similar question. I don't think after 4 years you are going to be able to do anything about this boyfriend. He seems to think he has all the control. I am with Geaton here, resign your POA. If Dad is competent he can assign brother. Looks like Dad is not going to kick out boyfriend and brother isn't either. I would jot put myself thru this. Think you have done enough, let brother do the caring since he lives there. If then you do not feel he is taking good care of Dad, call APS.
sbopie, it seems, as Jo Ann says, that this isn't new. It would be my guess that the police have already been called to intervene in this domestic family abuse more than once. Sadly they often lose their lives in responding to domestic abuse calls. What an absolute waste.
My advice would be to move about 1,000 miles away from brother and his boyfriend and your Dad. Your Dad lives with the two of them by his choice. It seems most agitation occurs when you are visiting. When verbal altercations start I would leave. I would also be very certain I am not contributing to this dangerous chaos in any way.
Visit very seldom. Take a lovely casserole. Or even a bag of groceries topped with a box of donuts. Stay a short time. Leave. That would be my best advice.
https://www.agingcare.com/questions/does-anyone-know-what-to-do-about-an-elderly-father-489960.htm
Please consider resigning your PoA. Unfortunately it is more than you can handle and isn't helping your Father -- or you -- at all. Don't let this impact your mental health!
If they do you should walk way, if it' happens again, keep them out of your life.
If your bf doesn't stick up for you, walk away from him too.
I'm sorry if I'm blunt , but this is unacceptable, even if by chance you did something to cause its never acceptablr
You need to have a talk with your brother. Tell him to grow a set and keep his man in line. Especially in front of your father or any other family member. He should NEVER tolerate this behavior for one second.
If your brother has no problem with the behavior, you're the one with your father's POA not him. So you can make a decision that the boyfriend is not allowed to see your father or have any other form of contact with him. Or you can move your father out of your brother's care.
It would make more sense for your brother to be your father's POA since he is his caregiver and they live together. So resign your POA. Keep APS in the loop though and ask the police to do regular wellness checks on your father. They will.
You have decisions to make. Would your father be better off not at home with them? How would you take care of him if you moved him? Things to think about.