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If disconnecting will be safer for you, healthier for you then by all means do what you need to do for yourself.
And do not let anyone tell you that that is selfish. It is called self preservation.
You should not have a moment of guilt over it either.
Your mother sounds like she's a very toxic person and that is the last thing someone who is in mourning and grieving needs to have in their life.
You can still have her in your life if you want to but it will have to be on your terms, not hers. This will have to be explained to her. Only if you want to though.
No judgment on you if you decide to not have any relationship with her or any other toxic, dysfunctional person.
Good luck to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
The Widow thing...my Mom had a friend that had set up a group. They went to lunch/dinner and did some other things. A friend of mine is a widow and her other friend single. They went to breakfast together. A mutual friend, also a widow, they went to school with joined them. So they set it up as a weekly get together. The school friend brought another widow so that now makes up a 4some. They sometimes go to dinner. They sit and talk for hours.
What kind of care does Mom need now. Is she already in an AL or LTC?
I so appreciate your input and will look into a widows support group. I was going to join one early on, but they meet during the day when I work. I’ll keep looking.
Do whatever you need to do in order to not only survive, but to thrive in peace. Who needs chaos in their lives? No one!
Folks with your mom's sort of profile are often extremely good at charming others and playing the victim. Proceed in such a way that protects your health, mental and physical.
I'm so sorry to hear about your husband.
Spot on! Thank you so much!
This goes even more so for a parent.
Have you read Liz Scheier's Never Simple? It's a book by a woman with a mom who really never told the truth and charmed everyone around her. In truth, she was severely mentally ill.
The only way the author survived was by limiting contact and refusing to act as POA.
I'm very sorry about the loss of your husband. By the way, in my neighborhood, someone is forming a recent widows group, bereaved in the past year. This is different from the grief support groups that are often recommended. The woman who started it is overwhelmed with recent widows who want to meet others in the same situation.
Why don't you start a recently widowed group? Then you'll be with others who are going through the same difficulties. Go on your merry way, sing tra-la tra-la, and find kind people who care about you. And Bad Mom will be on your mind a lot less.