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If your parent insists on staying in their home (and has full rational cognition) then they must accept other help if you don't want to or can't do it. You are under no obligation to provide the help yourself. No one can be assumed into this role because it is all-consuming.
You tell your father that the help is for *you*... that you've been carrying the load for quite a while (gladly) but now you need a break. You don't tell him how long the "break" will last. Also, what happens when you get sick? Or need to go on vacation? You get to still have your life and he needs to accept this. Don't take no for an answer.
As for how long will it take? It is different for every person and situation. The better the aid, the more experienced they are, the faster it will probably go.
This is very very common. I mean, who ever does right?
The 'strangers' won't be strangers for very. Very shortly they will be familiar friendly faces & they will adapt.
The fact is they need more help. So had family help in home (#1 choice).
Once this option was exhausted/exceeded/no longer working, they have chosen non-family care in home (#2) over moving.
In time, many do exceed home or it no longer works, then yes, a NH option is left (#3). Many can make #2 work for a long time though.
I now see it as *accepting help* is the 1st challenge. Then *accepting non-family help* as the 2nd challenge.
What's the alternative to acceptance? Well.. the family still get exhausted/no longer working. If no non-family are let in, the falls, dehydration, infections, not-coping mental stress/illness *aka a crisis* happens faster. Then ER, then rehab, then home with non-family support services.
Some then DO accept the services at this forced stage. The ones that don't, cycle around this crisis cycle again, until NH or demise.
On a cheerier note 😄 with your help & advocacy, I'm sure you will all adapt wonderfully.
My family has done so 🤗.
I recommend having a discussion with your parents about moving to assisted living. Continuing in their home will lead to not being able to access certain parts of their home.
You will exhaust yourself with working and caring for your parents without outside help. Outside help will no longer be strangers once they come regularly.
The concern also is the upkeep of the home. At a certain point, it will be too much. Why fuss with taking care of the house, your mother, your concerned father? Independent/assisted living might be the best answer. Doors are wider, bathroom access easier, and assistance more available.
We first started with a "housekeeper" limited hours each week. As they got to know their sitters and realized how much help they were everyone were best friends.
The hours have been extended and new caregivers added to the team. Sister and I still see mom each week. Husband and I see Aunt every week. It takes time and good communication to coordinate the
caregivers but it is so worth it.
The primary care doctor can send a physical therapist to access their home for safety measures needed. They will
recommend changes and safety items needed.
The best of luck!
I would even add a camera to the mix to see what's going on during the day. Sadly, you never really know what you are getting when you hire a babysitter or an adult care person. Some folks work and earn their hourly pay and some will play on their phone all day --- and nothing will tick off an elder person more than knowing a person getting paid by the hour and not putting in an hour's work!
Have you asked him why he is worried? If it is jewelry, lock it up. If liquor, the same. Try to ease his mind if possible. I am looking at hiring "strangers". I am concerned. I am going to put my jewelry, and a few small expensive things in the guest room and locking the door. I will hire a company so I don't have to worry about insurance, etc.
My case is different because it is my husband, not father. I just told him it was for me, not him. I hired our cleaning ladies who worked for our Chiropractor. That made them not quite strangers. The gardener worked next door and I just said this is the way it is. Again, not quite a stranger.
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