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Memory is one part of the brain's functionality. Some others are executive functioning, ability to process complex information, attention, concentration. The list is pretty long.
Has your sister had comprehensive testing to stage her dementia?
I may request testing to determine what kind of dementia and what stage. Thank you for that idea!
If you haven’t met him, do you even know if he intends to marry her? Contact him and have an honest conversation. Talk with him about her dementia and your concerns. You might keep the POA active though. Sometimes things don’t work out and you may be needed. You may have suspicions about him or his intentions, but do the work to meet and understand him. Also, if he doesn’t know that she has dementia, he may not know what he wants for his future with her.
Meet him. Have a discussion.
Please give the source of the article and web address if you know it.
Thank you.
Dementia is an umbrella term, that hovers over most cognitive issues. There are so many underlying causes and symptoms can vary widely. Even people DXed with the same condition can experience different symptoms and/or at different times. The "staging" used is to lump together observed behaviors by most. Some exhibit all, in the time frame indicated. Others may never experience them. Every person with dementia will have their own "journey", as it were, highly dependent on the type, what part of the brain is impacted, even their background and/or personality.
While she thinks she has a BF and that BF is going to marry her, is this just a delusion or is it real? Given all that you have observed about her, it sounds more like a delusion. I would, at the least, make a point to meet this "BF" and somehow ask about his "relationship" with your sister. No details, just asking how they met, what they plan, etc. I would NOT go revealing anything about her condition, esp since you don't know the whole picture yet! I also wouldn't even reveal her thoughts about impending marriage. It could impact their friendship, if there really is one. That would hurt her. If he indicates they are just bible study buds and nothing more, leave it at that. I wouldn't try to convince her otherwise. If, on the other hand, he indicates strong feelings and potential marriage, then you have to consider how to proceed. Despite how husband feels about that, it wouldn't benefit anyone to let that "plan" move forward. But, her medical condition is HERs and shouldn't be shared with others. IF this "BF" were considering marriage, you could dampen that by just saying that she has a medical condition.
As noted in another comment, her next appointment should include you presenting a list of observations you have made about her. Tests are tests and may reveal something, but these docs never see the test subject in their natural habitat and can dismiss a lot unless you can provide evidence otherwise! Also, if the test isn't targeted properly, they will miss the real DX.
Anyone relying on that test a PCP would administer in their office - this isn't extensive or conclusive. It is intended to get a baseline with the first iteration and then watch for changes in subsequent iterations. Too many people can pass that test easily.
I have been overwhelmed with being my sister’s “overseer”, and finally last weekend, I came up with a list of Agingcare.com advice that meets me right where I am. And I wrote another list of “what I cannot control” and “what I can control”. I’d love to share those with you all sometime.
One new idea to me is to not compare dementia behaviors with normal behaviors, to remember that her behaviors are part of the illness. Ive read and heard this so often but now it means something to me. So instead of thinking that a behavior is insane (even if it is), which causes me to go into sorrow, grief and angst, I need to label it as part of the illness, accept it as it is, pray for her, thank God for her and for the help He gives me. I have so much to learn, and I thank all of you for teaching me through this forum.
Until later,
Caregiversister