My mom was diagnosed on Valentine’s Day. The cancer is in her left lung, chest lymph nodes, and 3 cm in her liver. I have tried to get her to a pulmonary doctor over the past six months, but she would never go-for various reasons. She took one round of chemo, three treatments in three days. It wiped out her bone marrow, white cells, and made her platelets critically low. The doctor started her on daily immune boosting shots for a week. My Mom decided to stop chemo because she was so weak. She didn’t have severe chemo side effects until three weeks after the round of treatment. She is so weak that she can no longer stand up and has to be carried to the portable potty. She is almost 85. She recently started yelling out for my deceased step-father and is displaying other dementia like symptoms. She’s not eating or drinking much-5 days now, sleeps all the time, sweats a lot, brain fog, confusion, pleural effusion-before chemo we had to get her lungs drained every five days-Thoracentesis, low oxygen dropping to 71-77 when standing-it’s maintained at 93 while on oxygen and laying down. We contacted Hospice and they are coming today. My two sisters and I, and a brother in law are taking care of her. Are all of these side effects normal after just one round of chemo? I’m not that sure that she will bounce back. Watching her die slowly, the long hours we are all putting in, is tiring. She wants to die at home in her bed. The sister that lives with her is physically and mentally not well because she is on so much medication. She fell off the commode and broke her rib. She also now has a severe kidney infection. Her ex-husband is staying with her and has been a God send. He helps with everything. I live three hours away, and my older sister is 2 hours away. We are both staying two days a week at different times and staying at a local hotel, and I’m driving r/t an additional day right now. It’s all exhausting and very sad. I would rather my mother be well and her snarky self. Can anyone tell me if someone at this age can regain their strength after one round of chemo with all these side effects? I know that the cancer will ultimately take her away. It just seems like it’s happening so fast. Thank you.
When you say hospice is coming today, do you mean to evaluate, or to start end of life care?
It sounds like this level of caregiving from you all isn't sustainable, at least not for very long. What do her doctor's say say about a prognosis?
Please consider hospice facility, or hospice care in a care facility.
Honestly , “ happening fast “ would be a blessing .
I’m sorry for all of you going through this . ((Hugs)).
I am an 81 year old retired RN. I have a return of cancer of breast after being cancer free for 35 years since first mastectomy, chemo. I have chosen to have lumpectomy ONLY with no removal of nodes and with no radiation and no chemo. My family, doctors all agree with this as an option. I had the lump removed with wide clear margins which may give no some years, but chemo would be devastating to an 81 year old with already arterial sclerotic heart disease underlying. I will, if the cancer returns at breast have another mastectomy, but I won't take chemo or radiation, would move to palliative care and then hospice. I am quite willing and ready to die, but don't intend it to be by torture (which is what chemo and radiation amount to at this point).
I wish you luck speaking with hospice and I hope you'll update us.
her appetite. It has really picked up the past few days and she is eating well. We are all ensuring that her meals are well balanced, nutritious, and high in calories. At this point forward, it’s about keeping her on oxygen, advair, nebulizer, thyroid medicine, and pain medication as needed. So far, no bed sores. She wants to sleep most of
the time. I tried her on leg and arm lifts today. She did okay. I also kept her up a little while, until she started flopping over because her stomach muscles are so weak. She is definitely much weaker than she was four days ago. She told me that it wouldn’t be long for her. Even her voice is very weak. I feel bad for her, but confident that we are doing everything we can. I don’t want her to suffer. I stay very upbeat while there and talk about fun times and funny stories of family and friends. I also read stories of miracles to her. I want her to feel loved and cared for until her last breath.
You guys are doing great and she definitely knows how loved she is.
I knew when it was no longer safe/comfortable for my husband to get up and the hospital bed was very helpful then, as he was able to sit up and eat safely, visit, etc. I let him sleep as much as he wanted and then tried to be there for those precious times he was awake. It sounds like you’re all taking wonderful care of your Mom and I have no doubt she feels surrounded by love. Just something to think about, it can be a gift to grieve together—I remember crying and laughing(oh and singing) together at the same time.
If you have never been with someone who is dying and even if you have, please ask a lot of questions of your hospice team and don’t hesitate to call them at any time day or night. I called whenever I had a question and they were always glad that I did. It was just the two of us and wasn’t always easy but every issue was resolved. I know some posters here have not had positive hospice experiences, but our experience was wonderful and it sounds like you’re feeling good about your hospice team, which means so much.
Chemo is devastating to our system. Unfortunately it is often still only what we have. It kills cells. It kills bad cells and many good ones as well. It is setting a prairie fire for our body that has and effect, but ALSO many side effects.
Speak to the hospice social worker. You should not be carrying her to the commode. Someone will get hurt. This was one of the biggest issues we had with my mom. I'm glad you can share funny stories of family and friends, and have some quality moments with your dear mom. I wish I had been able to do that. You are doing all you can, and the best you can. God bless you.