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As for separate vacations, that's baloney. Someday you or your husband won't be around and the other one will be taking a separate vacation. When you get on that tour bus alone, it would be nice to remember when the two of you were able to get away by yourselves and enjoy it.
So yeah, if you're asking permission to go on vacation, you've got it from me.
My mother fell 95x while living in AL and MC combined, btw. I was an only child too, with only myself and my dh to rely on to help them. And staff at the AL, of course.
Had we waited for mom to pass before we started traveling, it'd have been too late bc we're both now suffering from health conditions preventing us from doing so.
Take your opportunities when they present themselves. Just do so wisely, by purchasing trip insurance.
I will not give up my life for them, they did what they wanted didn't postpone their vacations for me, why should they?
Certainly would not take separate vacations, my husband died in 2007, I now take my vacations by myself, not by choice.
Enjoy your time with your husband before it is too late. Personally, I think that you have your priorities mixed up.
Hospice again right after Covid restrictions were lifted (hospice due to Covid) and then again about 7 months later (due to a fall and infection). My mother is almost 91 and had I continued to leave my life on hold, I would have missed out on amazing experiences with my kids and husband.
My mother continues to survive (in NO way thriving) and I imagine will be around for many more years. I will not put my life on hold especially as my kids are still in high school and just starting college. I want to make as many memories as possible with them, which for us means travel.
The only change I have made is to always but travel insurance. Go out, live your life, enjoy your vacation with the people you love. Your father will be well cared for where he is.
Yes, yes it does.
Find a memory care facility.
It tore my heart out to place my husband two months ago.
He's safe. He has lots of friends. He's entertained, cleaned and fed. His room and clothes are kept tidy.
I visit a lot and as I leave on those days, I always turn to give one more last wave good-bye for the evening and he's already looking elsewhere and happily chatting gibberish to the person closest to him who is also fluent in gibberish.
Your perception of what you should be doing is different from what works for him.
Your marriage comes first.
Are you hiding behind your dad?
You keep this up and years will (and probably has already) pass, and you and your marriage will suffer.
Happened while I was in town. Would have happened if I was away.
Go.
If there is an emergency they can get in contact with you.
What I would suggest though is that you appoint one of your adult children to be a contact for the Memory Care. You can give them permission to authorize treatment if needed. (Pretty sure it is a simple form that is available probably on line and it can be in effect for the duration of your vacation)
If your adult child thinks they need to consult with you about any decision they can do so.
A little story...YEARS ago I took a vacation, had not been on one in probably 8 years caring for my Husband. I placed him in Respite and authorized my sister as a contact. Getting hold of me would be fairly difficult as I would be leaving the country. (I was worried the entire time but that's another story)
Anyway I got contacted that my Husband had some sort of infection and they needed my authorization to treat it. (Why my sister did not OK it I have no clue!) Anyway I get back from vacation and I am looking over the bill and this "infection" that needed to be treated....Athlete's Foot! Needless to say the charge for that tube was INSANE!
So even though I had planned for an "emergency" it did not go quite as I planned but the take away here is that he was fine and things were handled when an "emergency" did come up.
Go on your vacation and you and your husband should go together. (Unless you really want separate vacations)