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I currently have my brother listed as my POA for everything, but I know he and his wife could care less about being there for me when I may need it. They have not every really shown me any empathy or interest since my Mother passed away. He and his wife are single, are financially stable, and have no children. It saddens me to see how distant they have become since Covid and my Mom's passing.



I recently signed up for an app to contact my emergency list if I do not check in on time. I emailed the info I received from that service to him and he didn't utter one word to me about it. I have no other family members left that care. No friends either.



WHERE can I find someone to handle things for me when the time comes? I want very much to take him off my POA paperwork and as Executor of my Will since I know he doesn't want to be bothered.

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Care.com , elder attorney , court ordered guardian
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Caregiverhelp11 Nov 2023
To tell you the truth, the sound of having a court appointed guardian scares me. Will they really provide the appropriate help needed or are they just going to okay a form required by a doctor or anyone else without even giving it much thought?
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You can contact a Certified and Licensed Fiduciary to act for your best interests. This is who is appointed in court cases where there are either no families or families at was. I can give you contact for California if that's your State, but otherwise, check for them in your own state via google or other search engine or call an Elder Law Attorney and ask for a list of Fiduciaries in your state. Then begin the interview process to see how this will work if you have no friends who are close and wish to act for you.

Were I you, imperfect as it may be, I would ask my brother if he is interested in being your POA or not. If so, leave him your assets, and if not, tell him, you will be leaving them to your local animal shelter.
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Caregiverhelp11 Nov 2023
I've heard lawyers that handle this type of thing charge a lot. I also wonder if they will provide me with better assistance than my uncaring brother. Since these attorneys have no connection to me, I'm assuming they will barely do what's necessary when I'm needing help medically or paying my bills, etc.?
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One more option other than those I mentioned below:
contact Certified Daily Money Manager (CDMM) who would be helping you with paying household bills, filling out applications and managing health insurance claim forms, etc. Contact secure.aadmm.com/find-a-dmm.
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I knew some people who worked for an elderly wealthy lady. She'd set up a fiduciary arrangement with her longtime bank. She was the sole survivor of her family, and a large trust supported her.

She had a full-time nurse, people who came to her home and managed her checkbook, and the bank even set up some of its retired female employees to come to visit her. They were probably paid something. Some read to her a few times a week because her vision was declining. I'm sure that all this required a great deal of money, but I met all of her helpers, and they were very nice and took an interest in her.

However, it shows that there are nice people who will go above and beyond! Yes, they were paid, but it went beyond that. They enjoyed her. Even though you might use a fiduciary agent who can't provide all of those things, there might be volunteers in your neighborhood who would drop in and read or chat to someone who doesn't have any relatives. Ask around and see what you can line up.
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I know a number of people who volunteer at the NJ Ombudsman office and they are assigned a few individuals to check in on each week. Many are under state guardianship. Some fiduciaries work the same way. Some people are in facilities, some are at home. The volunteers are volunteering because they WANT to help, but because they have to help. You have to research and ask around. You don't always know what you will get with this arrangement but in your case you do know what your will get with your brother.
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