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I wrote a response under your question. Sending many hugs your way!
BLOCK his calls.
If you decide you want to RECEIVE his calls to ascertain the safety level required, SCREEN all his calls eg Don't ever answer. Ensure they ALL go to message. Listen to 1 or 2 to judge his intentions. Notice how you feel when you hear his voice. Use that to guide you.
If you decide you do want a two-way conversation - speak to your therapist about this: why, pros & cons, your personal safety. Also the very real danger of using you to get to your folks & potential for elder financial abuse.
Tread slowly & very very carefully.
I am sorry about your dad's depression. His dr can prescribe meds for that which should help his quality of life.
Considering these two issues I am wondering if dad has come cognitive problems. Is he developing dementia? It wouldn't be surprising at his age. Are you in touch with his dr. Can you suggest an evaluation? It seems to me his physician needs to know about these episodes.
Good luck to you and your hub, I know it is not easy for the adult children as parents decline.
I am so sorry to hear this sad news about your father. I can relate to what you have expressed. I can understand why your dad feels as he does. I saw my mom suffering with depression.
My mom lived to be 95. She would have gladly welcomed death instead of suffering with Parkinson’s disease.
She missed my dad terribly. She buried a son. She saw many family members and friends die. Life can become extremely difficult as we age.
Your dad certainly isn’t alone in thinking this way. Many seniors suffer with depression due to living far too long. I can’t say that I blame them.
I don’t want to live that long. I suppose it’s a bit easier to cope if there aren’t any major health issues or financial problems.
Still, a person can have all the money in the world and be in good health and be terribly lonely. Most of the people they loved in their lives have died.
People are frightened of living into their late nineties and beyond. They fear many things, such as health, outliving their income, loneliness from losing their spouses, family members and friends and so on.
Again, I’m so sorry, Max. When the people we love most in this world are hurting, we hurt too.
Sending many hugs your way today.
At 95 if he wants to end it he should have a DNR in place etc. So should he get sick and need medical attention he has everything in place so no life saving measures are taken.
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Your mom is being unfair and certainly unreasonable with you.
You have been more than generous with her and she needs to accept that you live far away.
Some children only visit for a week during the year. Others aren’t able to go that often.
She shouldn’t try to make you feel guilty. You shouldn’t feel guilty at all. I’m sure it is annoying though because it would be nice to see your parents being happy with the way things are.
I had my daughter’s Siberian husky with me today. He’s so lovable! I love that you are having so much fun with your sweet pooch.
I love everyone on this site - they are the most compassionate and loving people.
My handsome Phalene-Papillon who passed away 1 year ago was named Lucius Maximus Senaca. I have a passion for ancient history. I did have difficulty signing in so I needed to use a different password.
Anyway, tonight my 92 year old mom, who lives in Florida with my 95 year old father, said to me "I don't think that's fair of you not to visit your parents next week with us being this old". I said Mom - we (my husband and I) just got home 2 weeks ago - that's impossible for us to do that. Well she was very upset getting off the phone. I just can't take this anymore. We spent 2 months with them from Thanksgiving through January and we just spent 2 weeks with them for Mother's Day. Read my blogs - I can't do this anymore. I have given every bit of myself to them from birth. I thought my mom became more understanding - I guess not!
I can't find a profile for Romeo13 - or Maximus? - but some of you seem to know him. So ... what's up? I'd appreciate any info. Thanks in advance.:)
Good judgement would suggest meeting them in a third location. If your parents are able to live at home, get groceries, and otherwise manage their own lives, they should be able to meet someone at a coffee shop or restaurant. They probably are lonely, but it is odd to so suddenly develop a rapport with a wrong number.
Please be careful. I hope you have a fun story to tell about how they may have known each other or have common friends or something..
I pray that this will be a happy story.
Where I grew up in a ruralish area a wrong number could result in a long pleasant conversation with a stranger but not a meeting up in person.
If you decide to do so ALWAYS meet in a very public place, with lots of people around, and TELL some else (like family) where and when you will be going to meet and with whom!
Does anyone remember when your doorbell rang and you ran to the door and just opened it with excitement without first seeing who it was? Those were the days! We can as a world society get back to that. It starts with me and you, and so on.....
Anyway, if this helps, what I can tell you is that even online dating sites will instruct you to "only meet the online date in a PUBLIC PLACE - and NEVER at your home." They even go even further to say that "you should not disclose your address to the person - they should not pick you up or take you home from the date." That is how seriously the online dating services take this. So, why should your parents be any different in a first meeting of a random couple?
This isn't even an issue to question. Your parents need to change the location to a restaurant! I hope they have a safe and enjoyable dinner with this new couple - keep us posted! :)
Good to see you!
Never a dull moment with your parents! Hahaha 🤣 I bet they had a lot of fun when they were younger.
Trust your gut. If you’re uneasy about this situation and I can certainly see why you would be, then you did the right thing by speaking up and telling them that you aren’t in favor of this idea.
Your family has had its share of heartaches. Many of the posters on this forum have had their share of difficult times. I would hate to see your parents be in a dangerous situation. They are social butterflies, aren’t they?
Don’t be a stranger! How is Romeo? He’s not a puppy anymore! I hope you’re doing well.
So sorry that you and husband got Covid. Hope you didn’t suffer too badly from it.
Many hugs and much love sent your way.