By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Yours, Margaret
It’s her rented condominium. I pay the expenses out of my pocket. There are no other family members. I could move away. I have a job waiting for me several states away, however I am reluctant to do so because she is so young and there are not many resources available.
Also, “we” represents the therapist I hired to help me through this time. It is impossible to get her evaluated because she more than likely will not do the testing, or if she does, intentionally sabotage it.
If she is only mid-50s, and you are guessing about what is really wrong with her, you are being set up for decades of servitude. Don’t fall for it! If you leave, she is unlikely to die of neglect. The state will step in.
The next time she is having a cognitive episode you call 911 and tell them you think she’s having a stroke . They will take her to the ER . Then refuse to take her home . You say it’s an “ unsafe discharge ,”, that you can not take care of her . They will find placement in a nursing home .
You could try APS as well .
I’m curious , did the social worker you mentioned offer to place Mom so you can get your life back?
Send her to the hospital and then don’t take her home with the words
“unsafe discharge”
What then is likely to happen is that APS will *eventually* see she is not capable of living on her own (just saying it may not happen right away so be patient and do not step in to help or rescue -- this is why you block her calls). She will be enraged and dis you to whoever will listen on all social outlets. No matter. Expect it and ignore it.
If/when APS contacts you, you make sure to tell them over and over that you cannot, for financial and mental health reasons, continue to provide her care. You will not be returning to the home. You are not her PoA. You are 100% burnt out and need to move on with your life.
Eventually your Mom will get a court-assigned legal guardian who will most likely transition her into a LTC facility (whether Mom likes it or not). The guardian will then take over managing all her care decisions and her other affairs (financial, etc.). So, if you currently have any money co-mingled with hers I would get it out asap because the minute guardianship happens you will be locked out of her house and accounts. The house will likely get sold to be part of Medicaid Recovery to pay for her care. Sneak all your possessions out before you contact APS.
You would be able to visit her in her facility home whenever you wished. You will be free from the unsustainable burden of her care at such a young age. I wish you all the best as you do some hard things, but then it will get better. FYI you've been doing hard things all along. Now when you do some hard things there will be relief in sight.
Ummm, absolutely not. 100% no. Make her get up and do that stuff herself.
You HAVE to work and put into your social security and savings account and IRA so that you can have money for YOUR golden years.
Please find a trauma therapist and work on untwisting your enmeshment, your enabling of her and finding your boundaries.
A lot of this is your fault and only you can get yourself out of it.
Take the out of state job and move. Golda’s mom lived to 109…. Do you want that?
you MUST get 8 hours of quality uninterrupted sleep before you get fired.
Is she really only in her 50s?
Dont even bother telling her you’re leaving, just move and call her once you’ve moved to tell her your not coming back.
I do not know whose house you live in.
In so far as work goes do remind them that your mother has mental deficits, and they should try to remain kind to her, but hang up as soon as they are able.
My suggestion is that if you live in her house you move out, and if she lives in your own you evict her.
Give her the numbers for APS so she can access any services she may require from city, county or state.
Tell her the date you will be leaving, or she will.
And on you go, making a life and family of your own.
Your staying entrapped and enmeshed by your mother as a grownup is a choice, not a requisite. Don't allow it to continue. If you need therapy to find a way forward do seek it out and I don't mean the online trash.
Best of luck out to you.