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Id go with the angle you were duped and never got to establish your own home like you were promised.
I would hope if you do leave and he sees you are serious he will make the changes. But even if he does not, you are better off not being there.
But in a way, why should your husband take action when you stay anyway?
Pack your bags and leave. Do it now. Don't come back until your MIL is out of your house.
There is no reason for your husband and MIL to modify their complete disregard for your feelings unless there are consequences for their behavior. You're only a year into the marriage and it will only get worse.
I speak from some experience... My MIL moved in with us 4 years ago, originally what I thought was a temporary situation but now a permanent one according to both DH and MIL. MIL lives in an "in law" suite separate from the main part of the house and keeps to herself, so I tolerate her presence for the most part. She is in her 60s, dirt poor and in "poor health", and she informed us early on that she wouldn't be able to help out due to her bad health...so no childcare (kids were 8 months and 2 YO when she moved in), no housework, no cooking, no nothing. The most she has done is get the mail and roll the trash can from the curb to the house. Anyway, this year I finally told DH I was looking at 1BR apartments to rent (for me), and this finally made him "see the light" to consider assisted housing for MIL. He has reluctantly come around to this for the sake of my sanity and preserving the kids' sense of "family". If kids weren't part of this, I would have left a LONG time ago, leaving DH to pay my share of the mortgage and continue supporting MIL.
This would be a totally different situation if you and your husband had been married for 30 years and all of the sudden his mom became sick and financially destitute and had no where else to go and he was taking her in until he could get her settled elsewhere, but that is not your situation.
I'm sorry you're dealing with this and you've got a tough conversation ahead of you and a tough decision to make.
Take care.
Get ready to wipe MIL ARSE for a very long time. Her son won’t do it.
I hope you leave this horrible situation you are in.
What happens if she gets ill? Will you have to sell his home to pay her hospital, assisted living, nursing home? Were they living together to save $$$ because her mom is in a nursing home? If that is the case you will never seperate them.
If she was living there before you, its basically her house. She just went thru the motions of making it look good and give you a honeymoon. Barely.
Do they own the home together? If your working paying bills you make life easier for them. You probably don't get a portion of the house if you divorce. Just yor clothes/your furniture. Did you ever discuss the house situation? He might be paying the mortgage down faster with your help, but its still in his name or their names. They might have gotten the house together to conserve funds for her mom (his grandmother) and your MIL needs when the time comes. Id keep records of everything your paying for. Id talk to a lawyer about that.
What if you stay 10yrs and she needs a lot of care? Husb could say your money is help paying for his mom's care. Or he's selling his house and moving to an apt to pay for her care. Or you are now his mom's permanent carer, bc thats what women do. And he can't bathe/dress/toilet/change briefs bc that is his mom! Sons don't do that. There are boundaries. Sticking you with it all. Good luck.
Get your own apartment and have your husband visit privately. He needs it as much as you do. Then make the decision to run if you find Mommy is visiting with your husband at the same time. Having babies now is not the best timing.
good luck!
I van suggest a counselor who specializes in this type of marital experience. When I first got married. My husband was also attached at the hip to his mommy. If she called at 3am saying her faucet was leaking and she needed him to come fix it, of course he would go, although he had to be at work by 7am and we lived 20 .minutes away and she had several other children who were local that were capable of doing this type of work.
You should seek guidance first, then figure out what is best for your life and marriage.
Run