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My husband has parkinsons and still wants to do things his way. He is falls frequently and has hurt himself - lots of cuts, scabs, wounds, and a few rib fractures. He often times doesn't listen to the helper, not matter who - family member or hired help. He accuses them of being lazy and asks them to do the impossible. I have told them if they quit, he will have to go to AL,.I feel sorry for the guy as he's bored and wants to socialize, travel, and do what he use to be able to do. Retirement with parkinsons is not easy.Any advice?

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If your husband is so "bored and wants to socialize" then an assisted living facility will be right up his alley as they offer a lot of activities and he will be around lots of folks his age to socialize with.
And you would get back to just being his wife and advocate and not his overwhelmed caregiver.
I'm sure it's hard for any of us to have to give up our independence, thus why he's not wanting to listen to anyone.
And as far as the falling, that is going to happen regardless if he's listening to his caregivers or not. That's part of Parkinson's.
You have your hands full for sure, and it will have to come down to making decisions that are not only best for your husband but for you as well.
God bless you.
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Reply to funkygrandma59
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cover9339 Aug 6, 2024
One of the activities is sitting in front of the tv most if not all day.
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Advice, stick to exactly what you’ve told him, if the helpers quit, he will move to assisted living. Knowing your limits in this is wise
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Reply to Daughterof1930
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So sorry you are going through this.

Some people never give up there control right to the end. I've given up on hoping mom will stop doing things she shouldn't. She will never stop and she will continue to keep hurting her degenerative spine, no matter how much I go and how much I do. It's probably her anxiety, but there is nothing more I can do. It is what it is.

It's horrible to watch , when you now what's best and they won't listen. There is only so much one person can do, specially when you are dealing with stubbornness.

🙏😞
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Reply to Anxietynacy
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Your husband may have Dementia which is why he is not aware of his short comings. It goes hand and hand with Parkinson's.
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Reply to JoAnn29
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I believe it's time for a good sit-down.
Your hubby should understand that SADLY he now falls in the category of somewhat of a BURDEN, much as you love him. That you need help. And that if you cannot get help into the home to RELIEVE YOURSELF then he may need to go into care, because you cannot continue being all the answers he needs you to be.
These things are inevitable. We--my partner and I--recognize very certainly that one of us will soon represent a burden to the other unless we are lucky enough to pass quickly and certainly all of a piece. But there will be no tip-toeing about the realities. They are what they are and they WILL BE honored, whether we like them or not.
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Reply to AlvaDeer
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Is there a Senior Center near you that has activities that he could participate in? You or a caregiver could bring him and either join in or just bring a book to read.
I would suggest an Adult Day Program but he might be a bit more active than most of those participants although I have seen programs where to do go on outings, have a wide variety of things for participants on all levels.
I have to ask is he also diagnosed with LBD? If so that might be part of the problem in understanding the need for caregivers as well as not understanding your "ultimatum" with the need for caregivers vs Assisted Living.
LBD is difficult as many medications given for anxiety can not be given to someone with LBD.
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Reply to Grandma1954
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Sorry for your situation. So hard. He's going to keep falling. Just reconcile yourself to that. I'm not surprised he doesn't listen to his caregivers. Most of them don't! My mom is pretty good with hers but due to her short term memory loss, she can't remember to do what she's asked.

If he's bored - what does he like to do that he can still do? Give him some busy work to keep his mind and hands busy.

Socializing - I like the suggestions for going to the senior center or adult daycare.

Travel is probably out of the question. I stopped taking my mom anywhere a few years ago. It was just way too much.

Good luck.
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Reply to againx100
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My husband also has Parkinsons and cognitive issues that began before the Parkinsons. As the Parkinsons worsened, so did his reasoning. He thought he could drive, when he'd given up the keys on his own 4 years prior. He thought he could use a chainsaw, or climb a tree. He wanted to walk our 60 pound dog who pulls on the leash. I was there to stop him. He wanted to travel long distance (5 hours away for a funeral), which we did with me driving, and his feet swelled like balloons. He got very mad at me, telling me I wouldn't let him do anything. He refused safer activities and pass times. It was a very difficult time for both of us. I had to just accept I was the "bad person" who had to say no when he wanted to do something unsafe. He was also prone to falling and having his feet go numb from diabetic neuropathy. With the driving issue, I told him his keys were not hidden but that I would under no circumstance help him get to the car or ride with him. He didn't try driving under that condition. A bad bloody fall in the yard when he wouldn't wait for me to help him from the passenger seat of the car into our house was the beginning of being bed bound. I wish you luck. Sometimes you just have to put your foot down and let him be mad.
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Reply to JanPeck123
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Would he go to an Adult Day Program? there would be activities that he could participate in. It would get him out and get him involved with people and things.

I hate to say it but your husband probably would not be a good candidate for AL. It sounds like he would be at risk for getting up and leaving the building and even the grounds. This would put him at greater risk of getting injured.

Depending on the progression of his Parkinson's there are Travel Groups for people with Parkinson's. Some are day trips others are more vacation trips.
Something like this might be an option as the people leading the groups are familiar with Parkinson's and the rest of the groups would be more understanding of the limitations he might have.
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This post is old.
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