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The second year, all was well as long as someone was with her. However, if someone was not entertaining her, she would wail that she was ready to leave. When it was pointed out that we hadn't had the pie yet, she insisted on leaving anyway (she loved pumpkin and apple pie so her actions were a shock.)
The 3rd year, she liked being out, but the feeling was shortlived. By that time, she was eating with her hands and she had a hard time chewing any of the meat. She did not recognize the pumpkin or apple pie and declared that it was time to go and started trying to go out the door. She got upset when I prevented her from leaving.
She entered hospice within two weeks of Thanksgiving, and passed within 1 month from Thanksgiving.
I warned my sister-in-law that Mom was eating with her hands so she just put down a plastic mat under my Mom.
In my case, no regrets at all for bringing my Mom to Thanksgiving Dinner. Yes, dinner was interrupted so I could take my Mom back to the MC facility. However, because she was there at the Thanksgiving meal, it had a feeling of normalcy both for us and for her.
It is a special time of the year. My Mom always enjoyed the holiday season so she was delighted to see all the decorations and be included in the celebrations.
If you're really that devoted to him, you could give up your thanksgiving plans and spend the day with him at his facility. If you have family counting on you to make dinner and host a big family gathering, tell them it's their turn.
With your husband in memory care, your life has changed. It's ok to make changes in your lifestyle and traditions.
We knew we couldn't bring him home- for a few reasons.
1. He could no longer safely navigate his home.
2. We were terrified that if we got him home (which would have been a feat in and of itself) that he would flat out refuse to return - and then what? How do you pick up a 300lb man and force him to go anywhere?
3. We were afraid he would fall or otherwise be injured if we brought him home - there were too many transitions that he wouldn't be able to handle.
It just wasn't worth it to shake up the routine and cause him confusion and readjustment in BOTH places.
No stress and definitely no mess
Is it hard to get him in and out of the car? Is he incontinent? Is he a flight risk? Is he going to get upset when you have to take him back? For those reasons...
Is it hard to get him in and out of the car? Is he incontinent? Is he a flight risk? Is he going to get upset when you have to take him back? For those reasons...
You will figure out what works best for you husband. I hope you have a peaceful holiday together.
When my Dad moved into senior living, I never brought him back to my house to visit or have dinner here. I wanted Dad to get into a routine because he was slowly dealing with memory loss.
What if your do bring your hubby home for Thanksgiving and he refuses to go back to Memory Care? Then what? Or if you are able to get him back to the facility, how will he act when you leave him there? Will he get upset? Will the Staff have to try to calm him down?
Our rational mind and heart would think that it's a good idea to have him with family to enjoy the festivities during the holidays. But we don't have a crystal ball into a PWD's mind and know how it's processing the outside world.
As AlvaDeer said, you know your husband best. Use your good judgment. I don't know why you needed to ask the question, but I have an inkling that you may know the answer already. Whatever you decide, hope it's a good outcome.
I think before this big day I might try some short trips. Perhaps home and perhaps other places, to see how it goes. I would assess this.
Remember, to someone with dementia, Thanksgiving is just another day. I have no idea if this is small and quiet family gathering a a big hoop-la. But I DO know that you are the best judge of hubby and how he reacts.
I will trust this decision to your wisdom and wish you the best of luck. If you choose to do this, be prepared for the unexpected. If he needs to return to his quarters, just let others know that may be the case, and be ready to enlist help for yourself to make it so.
Best of luck.