How are you processing being a caregiver if you are in your 30's?

btw.....I am not in my 30's but lower 50's...... I just saw the original post, and felt compelled to answer.....

Thank you Tacy..... I am really trying....and reading posts like yours and others, has made me a little bit stronger each day.... After our discussion that I wrote about earlier with her, she has taken the phone off the hook, because she knows I will worry and go check on her.... My will is getting stronger, because I don't do that anymore..... Hopefully, I will be where your at soon!!!!!

Thank you so much to everyone that shared their stories and gave words of encouragement. I will try to address some of the things i saw amongst the comments. Currently I don't have any regret about taking care of my parents and putting my life on hold. I lived life to the fullest every day prior to all of this. I worked hard but played even harder. I have a ton more that i want to do in life but i was definitely thinking my dad would bounce back like he had in the past. My dad had a brain tumor removed 2000, thyroid surgery 2003, kidney transplant jul 2006, heart attack and triple bypass dec 2010, stroke oct.2011, stroke jul.14 and he had multiple strokes in June 2015. My dad will always be my superman. In the beginning i actually hated when people would say i was putting my life on hold because i didnt see it like that. Also when my dad was alive my mom was ok with the caregiver being in the house because she knew she couldnt operate the hoyer and take care of him so i was able to get a few breaks. I had one of the caregivers with us in SC to bury my dad and my mom said what is she doing here, she takes care of sick people and your daddy is dead. I was speechless. Then my mom said are you sick, is there something you want to tell me.
In 2011 my mom started complaining about headaches that wouldnt go away but they didnt find anything on her brain scans. In July 2014 my mom was seen by multiple specialists the hospital called in an additional one before they gave the final diagnosis. They had brain scans from 2011,2013 and 2014 to compare along with their evaluations and she was diagnosed with moderate to severe FTD. She gets confused very easily. So ive never been able to leave her alone.
Someone stated my parents wouldnt want me to stop living my life. Very true my dad had a lot of guilt about me taking care of them especially because of the lack of sleep and my own medical issues. I always reassured him that i was thankful for the time with them and i didnt want it any other way. Our plan was an assisted living for the two of them this year. He was ok with it because they would be together and i could go back to work. My mom enjoyed her stays at the behavioral units and was very vibrant when we went to visit so im hoping the transition into this beautiful and very active environment is quick. My parents knew each other their entire lives and were married for 38 years so its been very hard on her and she keeps saying she wants to see him and touch his face. Since i wrote this post we have had days that prove i made the right decision for her. Im sitting in the ER now as i write this comment because the man she sees in the house touched her inappropriately and caused her to become very upset and aggressive. She even blamed me for him being in the house. They gave her a pill that dissolves on the tongue that should help with the hallucinations. They didnt recommend a stay at the behavioral unit with her being so close on the wait list for memory care . We told her the medicine will help with her asthma and allergy to pollen so hopefully she will take it everyday. Once again thank you all for sharing your experiences, giving your honest opinions and encouraging words. I was crying while reading the comments. Im glad i posted.

Fruit of the spirit=longsuffering

tacy..... no, I wasn't playing her game that night... I basically live next door, and can see anything going on..

I'm 34. I've been the full time, primary caregiver for grandma for the last 8 years, so I started this journey in my mid 20's.
First, *hugs* Second, and I'm using caps because it is important. YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. This disease especially makes it almost impossible to care for your family. I work as a CNA in assisted living/Memory care. It is easier for me to care for 25-30 residents overnight (in assisted living) than my one, singular grandmother. She sees me as family and not a licensed healthcare professional. She listens to the other professionals more than she will listen to me, her granddaughter. There is enough familiar to me that it makes it harder for her because I also bring the past with me when I am with her. I know when she is misremembering and when she is with it. I don't correct her, but it makes it harder. I watch the family of my residents feel the same inadequacy when I can get their loved one to eat/shower/do whatever when they just won't for them.
Just because mom is in memory care doesn't mean your work is over. It is just different. The facility will still be calling when they need clarification, assistance, supplies, anything really. You will still be making decisions. It is still a hard job. You are still a good daughter, and providing mom the best care possible.

everyone does what they feel they need to do for their specific situation. you have done your best and valued the time you had with your father. and remember not everyone is the same with dementia issues. some can be handled with ease and no issues, others have tantrums/refuse to eat/take meds, etc. when you start to feel drained/angry/resentful/helpless, you need to seek out help. in your case you decided on a memory care place. now you can visit/see how things are going/have a good relationship without any fighting to take meds/etc, but to actually visit and have a good time. don't feel guilty. we all do what we can with what we have and for however long we can handle. wishing you the best of luck. I am 58 and was helping my mother deal with my dad for 2 years until he finally had to go into nursing home due to dementia and refusing to take meds/eat, slowing down, getting angry/holding walker above head and screaming. he is now in a routine environment.

I'm a little late to reply, but I'm going through much of the same thing. I'm 31 and the primary live-in caregiver for my grandmother. Her one wish is to live out her days in her home and, though my mother is involved, it really lands on me.

You're not alone!

it's amazing the guilt that some of our loved ones put on us!!! i think it's horribly selfish for someone to tell their loved ones that they want to die in their home...UNLESS...they have the money to pay for someone to come in and care for them and NOT put the burden on someone who has to give up their life to do so!!!

I didn't feel my husband was selfish in wanting to die at home because I loved him and he was willing to accept home hospice care in addition to the care I, in my early 80s, was able to provide. On the other hand, at 85, I would never think of asking my adult children to provide at home care for me if become severely ill. I would just pray that I would go quickly.

No one ever asks to have help when they need it. Everyone at some point in time needs help. What they don't understand, is that they DON'T think they need help. Everyone else can see that someone does, except the person who really needs help.

It's not a burden, to those who truly love and want to help. It becomes a burden, when the ones who need help, think they are truly capable and does not require help. Proud, vain, afraid of losing their identity? who knows?

Why not accept a helping hand? Age group? or just cannot accept losing control? No one loses control, unless you let it happen. Some people are there with loving hearts and truly want to help. Isn't that what you, as a person would do?

just want to add to my comment above. it's greeeaaat if you love someone enough to want to give up you life and care for them...but...there are some seniors that don't even take into consideration that this might be an impossible task for some of their loved ones. NO ONE should feel guilty if the CAN'T FULLFULL THAT OBLIGATION BECAUSE THEY HAVE A FAMILY OR MAYBE TOOO YOUNG OR TOOO OLD OR ARE SICK THEMSELVES...OR DON'T HAVE THE MONEY!! Dam...i take care of my parents...my mother now has severe dementia...it's been about 7 years...and wow...could NEVER have knows....that I would live to care for them. Thank god...i was single and didn't have kids cause it consumes my life! Thank god I adore my mother...that love has helped me get thru this incredibly hard journey!! arianne777 YOU SOUND LIKE A DOLL! LOVE YOUR POST!

It is hard for everyone to have to take care of our elderly loved ones. But esp hard when you are young. At least when we are older, we may be retired and have more time. But having taken care of my husband for just a short time and looking at my parents and wondering if I will need to take care of them ...has made me think hard about my own care when the times comes and will take measures to have things taken care of so nobody else will have to.