By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
Good luck making the decision that's right for your future!
There is a BIG difference between having a child living with you and a parent. Your husband had responsibilities toward his son. He may have felt he owed it to you to let your father move in. But things change. Perhaps your husband is recognizing that living with an adult parent is radically different than living with a child.
Your marriage comes first. Your husband is making it clear to you that he no longer wants your dad living with him. *You* aren't caught in the middle - your husband is caught between you and your dad.
Your marriage is too young to survive this level of stress. The stress of having no end in sight to your father living there is clearly weighing heavily on your husband. One of the men in your life will move out. You are the one who has the power to determine who that will be.
Similarly, asking your husband to be superhuman strikes me as ignoring the fact that he is a human being. Asking him to be superhuman long enough to "step up to the plate and hit a home run" every once in a while is more reasonable than asking him to do it day after day for the foreseeable future.
Expecting humans to be super human and act like superheroes results in disappointment. Nurses and doctors are burning out and committing suicide.
No one cares about your marriage the way you do. No one cares about your husband the way you do. Ask yourself how you would react if your husband were asking you to "be a superhero and knock a homerun right out of the park" day after day after day after....
You don’t give much information about the overall situation, but it sounds like your marriage might be on shaky ground. Is your husband angry about space, personality, money, or what? Does your dad need a lot of care? It’s time for you to sit down with your husband and discuss some solutions. And you’re not stuck in the middle. You put yourself in the middle.
the year I married my mother went to FL for 10 years to be a caregiver until my grandparents passed. She then arrived on my doorstep.
so far she has lived under my roof 30 years. I only had 10 years of freedom without her. But during her stay in FL she got 2 weeks of vacation while her siblings attended their parents, So where did she vacation, my house. So I have been living with my mother 53 years+.
Now the past 4 years she is totally totally dependent on me, feed diaper dress, everything even what I don’t want to mention. Let me just say my husband is a very very patient man, more than I am.
You never realize what will be your future, I’m sure if we knew we would of made other arrangements knowing the outcome.
You might ask him about living in his own Senior Apartment and he might like that idea where he can be around others his age and make new friends.
If your Dad is going to continue living with you, you and your husband deffiently need one night a week to be alone.
Only 3 yrs into a marriage isn't long and you actually might end up divorced.
You should think about making other arrangements for your father.
Until you find a nice place for your dad, you should at least find a place for him on weekends, giving you and your husband weekends together to be alone from Friday afternoon thru Sunday evening.
Please consider counselling as a couple. A professional can be an impartial helper to navigate this phase of life into something that is more satisfying for everybody involved. Also consider getting others to help your dad: family, friends, people from your faith community, and/or paid help. Use the time when others care for dad to do things together as a couple and nurture your marriage relationship.
My wife and I ended our 30+yr marriage in 2017 because of a devisive Mother
in Law that my wife refused to stand up to. this woman demolished our marriage and for that matter our family. These things left out of control do generational damage to a family.
First you say "I offered him a home" So did the two of you not agree to this?
You also point out it is "only 3 years" of marriage. Does this matter?
Any priest, thereapist, rabbi, etc will tell you the first thing that has to happen is you and your husband must agree the needs and health of the marriage come first. If you cannot agree to this.. you do not have a marriage.
If you agree to this then you and your husband need to agree to ground rules and boundaries. Then the two of you need to sit down with your Father and get his agreement to these. You will need to be clear with your Father if he cant go along with these then he will need to find other housing. as his child you have the responsibility to insure he keeps his commitments.
After you get these boundaries agreed to your husband needs to buck up and be a supportive spouse. He needs to do his part to insure he is part of the solution not the problem.
the other thing to keep in mind if your Father is 83 and still in reasonable health he could live another 15-25 years. You need to understand this. AND his health if it has not yet, will begin to deteriote He will not become 39 again and move out. As he gets older the demands on you will ONLY increase.
your Fathers "selfishness and thinking about money wont change. Are these personality traits causing other conflicts that bother your husband?? as well as your only married 3 years your Father and he likely have not bonded. Your Father has no history with him, he probably sees him as an invader.
If the "only 3 years of marriage" has not bonded yet maybe you need to end the marriage and send this man on his way. Decide if your in or out on this marriage. If your in.. I urge you to follow my suggestions. If your out then end it.
See All Answers