How to get my mother with dementia to stop driving with revoked license?

The OP has not returned to comment on our many suggestions.
I will just repeat this, because most of our "answers" to this one involve disabling the auto.
The real problem here is that the son, who lives with the mother, has been given the car. So you cannot disable, I presume HIS CAR. And the son, who lives with the mother, allows her to use the car, and gives her the keys.

So this is a larger problem than a confused woman with access to an auto.
I would call APS on this one. The mom, if she lives with a son who doesn't recognize she is in danger, perhaps needs guardianship of the state, and placement in safe circumstances.

Put an Airtag on the car untill you disable it, also.

Deflate the tires. Take the battery off the car. Have the car towed to mechanic, tell him to disable vehicle.

Since you are in a situation that involves "illegal driving" consider asking the police to go by their place and intervene.

I had this same situation. My brother would not stand up to my father. I put him in assisted living. Your mother cannot have access - full stop.

Gailie101: Disable the auto.

I hope your brother has another place to live.
Once mom gets into an accident the house will be gone as will any other assets that she has.
Mom has dementia so she won't "get it" but I presume your brother is not cognitively impaired.
Who has POA? If your brother does you might want to talk to an attorney and see about getting Guardianship since he is not making safe choices for her.
If you have POA you are legally able to take the car and remove it so that she no longer has access to it. If you can not find the keys you can legally get a copy done and remove the car or just have it towed to a location where you can deal with it.
Is this the only thing that your brother is letting mom do that might not be safe?

Agree with many of the suggestions- who is health care POV ? Also maybe a discussion with both in the room ??

I was "gifted" my mothers car but it was so I could be there to take care of her. Rides to the Dr, grocery store and anything else she needed. This "gift" comes with responsibility, yes chauffeur! It doesn't say, I can use it when I want to! Maybe the car should be taken away from brother if he can't be responsible,it will be eventually in the unforseen events. I'm going to tell you what mom's Dr said, elderly people who have accidents could survive but the impact of the air bags are usually fatal. The force is too much for their body. Her primary care physician should outline this for the both of them! I hope mom has a phone on her if she becomes lost. Mom had a life alert pendant but we couldn't locate her unless she activated it. Brother has no clue to what's happening, he's in denial. He must understand her mind is broken and she is returning to childhood behavior.

Your / her brother could be held legally responsible should his mother maim or kill someone due to being derelict in his duties as you express here. He could potentially be held responsible and imprisoned.

Call 1) the local police department and 2) Adult Protective Services and tell them the situation. I would also notify the DMV about how your brother is handling this situation.

Thank you for writing us here.
If your brother continues 'unchecked' as he has been, it is an accident waiting to happen - that could be avoided.

And, as a secondary issue/concern, you could take a part out of the car, put glue in the key area (if the key is still needed to open the door). In other words, make the car inoperable, although this doesn't address his behavior nor if he'd repeat it. This is extremely serious and I would call the entities listed above.

Gena / Touch Matters

Every time this question comes up, I cringe. Because I know the primary piece of advice is going to be: "call the police".

And I have bad news for everyone - and this is coming from over 20 years as a law enforcement officer- there is very little that the police can do in this situation.

Elderly adult refuses to give up their car - for whatever reason - still has a valid license, proper registration and maintains the proper insurance but shouldn't be driving; nothing the police can do. DMV has said this elderly person can drive, and they have the legal right to own a car. The police CANNOT take someone's property without due cause. And "due cause" is defined by the courts, not family members. Furthermore, at least in NY, it is not illegal to own a car and not have a valid license. You can't legally drive it, but you can still own it, register it and insure it. It can sit in your front yard for years without ever being driven, but it is still your legally your property, and as such, can't just be removed by authorities without due process.

Now, in this particular case, mom has had her license revoked. All well and good, EXCEPT she gave the car to her son, so it is now HIS property, and again, cannot be removed by the authorities without due process. If OP want to call the police on mom when she is driving, knowing her license has been revoked, that is an option, but keep in mind that, depending on the state, this might result in mom being arrested. The car would be taken for safekeeping, but brother could likely still get it back, because legally, it's his property. Might the arresting agency make it difficult or uncomfortable for him, sure; but more than likely, they will just want to get the car back to it's owner so it is no longer their (the police) responsibility to keep it safe. As far as the police are concerned, they did their job - they got the unlicensed driver off the road when they observed her driving, and the car has been removed from their jurisdiction. It will then be up to the court to decide what happens from there. AND that's only IF mom actually gets arrested; most police officers won't be enthusiastic about arresting an elderly confused woman for ANY reason. Unless mom has a catastrophic accident, the most likely scenario is 1) mom will be brought back to the precinct, with another officer driving this car there 2) son will be called ("hey Mr. So-and-So, we just found your mom driving your car the wrong way down 5th Avenue and she seems really confused, maybe you should come and pick her up, we're located at XXX") 3) son comes and gets mom and offers sincere apologies with fervent promises that while he doesn't know how this happened, he will make sure it never happens again. If mom has a catastrophic accident, then the car will probably be vouchered as evidence, and mom will go to jail, dementia or no. But by that point, the worst will have come to pass, which is what everyone is trying to avoid.

I know no one wants a fight with their elderly LO's who are adamant that they can still drive, but some fights you have to have. And if that means yelling, screaming, hiding keys, disconnecting batteries, etc., then that's what might have to be done. If it means finding a way to legally take the car yourself, then that's what has to be done. But unfortunately, calling the police is rarely going to be the answer you're looking for to this problem.

My YB took mom's keys AND put a lock on her steering wheel. He said IF she could navigate that lock he'd give her back her keys.

She couldn't and lost that battle. I thought he was a little too fierce about this and could have accomplished the same thing with a little more kindness. End result would have been the same: she could no longer drive safely, but he didn't need to make her feel stupid in the process.

I know had she had the knowledge of hos to call and Uber or Lyft, she wouldn't have resented YB's interference.

Every time a Sr loses a 'privilege' they lose a little bit of themselves, too. This can be accomplished with firmness, but kindness.

Bottom line: they have to prove to be safe drivers before they can drive.

Her license was revoked I’m sure for cause of some sort and I’m assuming your brother knows this. Who is insuring the car? If the insurance company knows about the situation they may likely send a letter saying they won’t insure the vehicle if she is driving which might make both of them think twice. I know she has dementia but there are various levels of Dementia and if she is “able” to drive in your brothers eyes she may be able to reason out that should she get into an accident, even if it isn’t her fault, both you and your brother could be sued since you both know she isn’t supposed to be driving. When my mom had her stroke they never signed off again on her driving and while her license wasn’t revoked we told her that if she drove and anything happened, her fault or not, we could be held liable and that stopped her from doing it. She often talked about wanting to again and was offered the opportunity to take a test for compromised patient's to see if she should be signed off but somewhere in there she knew she wouldn’t pass. She was physically fine and capable but aphasia post-stroke on top of her already developing dementia really meant she shouldn’t be driving or living alone as we discovered.

Giving up driving is so hard on both the person and those who love them. Good luck.

It may not make a difference but no insurance co will cover her so if any accident could be very expensive

Please reach out to your DMV. Also, reach out to an Elder Care Attorney. Your brother should not be in charge of your mom's care.

Disable the battery

Hand it over to the Police. Tell brother that when the accident happens, HE is involved...

Disable the car. Your brother should see a lawyer about your mother having gifted her car to him. Your mother should be in memory care and will eventually need Medicaid for her care.

Have another set of keys made or have the car towed and sold, if legal to do so……. Or keep. But move the car! :)
Ive been through this too. It’s hard on them, but an accident will be catastrophic financially or worse hurt someone and the adult in charge could very well be responsible.
Take care.

I'm agreeing with everyone about notifying the DMV and the police, but beforehand, I recommend documenting this strong discussion with your brother and record it if you can legally and safely do so.

Furthermore, jot down as specifically as you can any past discussions with him and your actions.

Best wishes for a safe outcome. So much is riding on your brother doing the right thing.

Disconnect the battery cables.

I mentioned this before for disabling a car. Get one of those steering wheel clubs and hid the keys from her to the device

We actually asked the police chief in my mom's home town about this. If she has a revoked license or if the doctor writes an order that she cannot drive, all we need to do is notify the police department and we can take the car even if we do not have our name on the title.

However, if there is no such order OR if her license is still active, do not take the car, you are guilty of theft. The Chief was quite clear on that.

I expect the eye doctor to revoke my mom's license next week. I will then call the Chief and take her car away.

Advise your brother than he can face heavy penalties (legal and civil) if he is allowing her to drive when he knows she does not have a license. God forbid she kills someone or herself...he could go to prison. Explain that to him. Hopefully it will scare him straight. If not, have someone disable the car.

Slash all 4 of her tires. That should do the trick.

Your brother is letting her drive so he doesn't have to drive her himself. I realized my dad needed to let me drive them around more but I did ask myself "How bad is it?" for too long before I said I was going to be their chauffeur from now on.

Have you tried spelling out for your brother the terrible risk he is opening your mother to? I would tell him in very stark terms. If a kid on a bike crosses her path and she runs over the kid, she would almost certainly be sued for everything she has. The fact that she has been diagnosed with dementia and has had her license revoked makes it worse for your brother. I don’t know the particulars of the law here, but he is knowingly aiding her in very unsafe behavior.

Would he give her a loaded gun? I know this sounds extreme but I think it’s equivalent. Not only could she get lost or get in an accident where she is hurt or killed — she could hurt or even kill other people.

good luck!!!

If you know when she is driving, call the police. I am lucky that I live jn a small town. So the police are usually local and we at least know their parents. I may call and ask if a police officer can go to Moms house and talk to brother with Mom present. Then explain that Moms license has been revoked and brother could be held responsible for allowing her to drive. Now they have the cars discription and license# they will be on the lookout for her. If caught driving her car will be impounded.

Are you her POA?
Because without that there is little you can do other than to report her to the police and the DMV.

You say she has been living with brother and has gifted him the car but that she allows this and she uses it.
Time for a discussion with brother. If HE is the POA then he is not fulfilling his fiduciary role. I would tell him that doing this understanding what could happen means he is endangering his principal, and that you will report him to APS if he continues to endanger your mom.

The gifting is also not good unless BOTH their names remain on the title, because if she needs to depend on any governmental assistance in the next 5 years this gift will be having to be returned to her assets. And you should consider that, given your brother doesn't understand 5 year (2 1/2 in Cali) lookbacks, what else doesn't he understand about being POA?

I would consider going to local DMV with your question, and reporting this to your mother's doctor.

Report the situation to local DMV and law enforcement. Tell brother you are doing so and of his liability in letting her drive