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I just read your profile. I also live in Louisiana. You’re in the northern part of our state though. I am in the southern part, New Orleans.
Your post made me tear up. You are so very young and kind to be caring for your grandmother with breast cancer.
I am glad that your grandmother is on hospice. My mom was on hospice too, except as she neared the end of her life she was able to move into an ‘end of life’ hospice care home? Is that an option for you?
I know that this is very difficult for you. It’s heartbreaking to see our loved ones near the end.
My heart breaks for you doing this by yourself, or do you have other family helping you care for your grandmother?
At the end of my mom’s life she was completely bed bound like your grandmother. Hospice kept her comfortable. Mom had Parkinson’s disease and dementia. She was on morphine for pain, Ativan and Seroquel to keep her calm.
Speak to the hospice nurse to see if she wishes for your grandmother to continue with the morphine and lorazepam at her current dose she is taking now or if she recommends a different dose or drug.
Please do not deny her medication for pain or anxiety. You are not ‘drugging’ her as some people believe. Hospice is about ‘comfort’ care.
Do not worry about having your grandmother’s consent. She has shown you that she is upset, possibly afraid too and needs calming meds.
Do as her hospice nurse says to do so she won’t suffer or be afraid.
Hospice provides a social worker for the patient and the family. Please contact them for assistance and comfort. They also provide clergy.
Wishing you peace as you continue on during this difficult time.
https://www.smartpatients.com/communities/hospice
You probably know already, but the easiest way to toilet is to make sure she can roll to one side. Fold the exposed bit of the used diaper close to her back, clean her, and replace the old diaper with a new one, also folded next to her back. Then roll her the other way, clean a bit more, take out the dirty diaper and bring the new one under her as she lies on her back again (or use a second diaper if it's easier). Talk gently all the time it's happening, so she knows what is going on. You can change the bottom bed sheet in much the same way. A flat sheet is easier than one with elastic.
Put a blocker of cushions or something firm at the end of the bed so that she can’t scoot down – also doctor’s instructions. As others have said, don’t worry much about food but keep her lips and mouth moist. Ice chips, lightly frozen juice, a wipe of sweet custard on her lips that she might like to lick. Get an eye dropper, and give the liquid medications with it, slipped into the far edge of her mouth so that she need not open her mouth for a spoon. It will help both of you.
Have courage, and remember that the only important thing is to keep her comfortable. When someone is dying, there is nothing you can do wrong. If she sleeps on and off, make yourself comfortable close by and sleep yourself whenever you can. It can be a long journey, and you need to sleep yourself.
Lots of love, and great respect to you both, Margaret
Everyone should feel as you do when caring for their loved ones. It’s certainly the way that I felt when my mother and brother died in hospice care facilities.
I will be forever grateful that my family members didn’t suffer needlessly. I am so grateful that my brother and mother didn’t object to medication to keep them calm and comfortable.
This is basic stuff, and the nurse needs to re-read her organisation's medications policy. Good Lord. Her advice is - whether it's her intention or not - pretty flagrantly aimed at achieving a quiet life for the care team regardless of the patient's wishes. Morphine works quickly, so at any point you can ask your grandmother if she's in pain and if she says yes you can provide relief fast. Just keep strict records about how much you're giving and at what time.
I'm very sorry for what you're going through. With only a few days left to you, this is the time to talk to your grandmother about her life and your shared family. If she wants to get up and it isn't a good idea, explain and reassure, ask if there is anything you can fetch for her, and try to get her to engage in quiet conversation.
I hope you have a profiling bed and a slide/glide sheet? It's good that she's able to help position herself, but with that basic equipment you can help her be seated or lying in virtually any position that is comfortable for her.
PS What your grandmother says doesn't have to make much sense in the ordinary way. Just prompt and listen and make encouraging noises. There could be a load of things she'd like to get off her mind.
It sounds very much to me that you have never been for hours with someone who is dying. Continuing support can be very helpful.
You believe that “God takes people when it's their time”, so God can do that whatever meds they are taking.
Telling a carer that following hospice instructions is “absolute torture and hell on earth” is a truly dreadful thing to say. Pray for forgiveness.
Follow the instructions that the nurse gives you.
I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this situation. It’s hard.
I have only been to Monroe, Louisiana once, a very long time ago.
I’m in New Orleans.
Ask your hospice to tell you the signs that death is near. There will be differences in breathing, in the color and temperature of the extremities.
I am so sorry you are facing this loss and so grateful that you can be there for her now, this last loving act that does her and you honor.
Thinking of you. Everyone knows that you are doing your best with caring for your grandmother.
Many hugs sent your way.
Please know that you aren’t ‘drugging’ your grandmother. Most of us on this forum actually hate that expression.
Medication prescribed by your hospice nurse is necessary. It’s all about comfort during her final days.
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