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So quit adding more to your already full plate, and let your siblings reach out if they want to.
Of course it isn’t bad to stop sharing what should be your parents’ private information anyway. When you give them something to use against you, they’re going to use it. Many families are like this.
You have the power. Don’t give it away.
Boy you have paid your dues and then some. I was just reading your bio.
You know there is such a thing as resigning your POA. I don’t really see you doing that but thought I would remind you.
It is not bad to stop sharing but I wonder which will be worse, they don’t even notice or they complain when you don’t? Vs the coming back with more jobs for you to do??
You know the thing is, it really doesn’t matter. What I would wish for you is that you put that chore of filling them in at the very bottom of your list. It’s not an “A” activity.
Shift your focus.
When you feel the impulse to communicate with siblings reconsider. Send your daughters a cherry greeting instead. Or leave your DH a love note. For each of these three who have given of their precious time with you, I would save my communication energy.
Let the others ask. Answer as you see fit. If you want to enjoy a dark thought about it, switch the contact info for dad’s dental appointments to the one who is concerned. Then, when they call, say something like “You have always been so thoughtful to remember dad’s appointments, I knew you would want to see that he was able to continue them.” If you got push back about their schedule, you would just say “That’s always been the great thing about Dr Dentist, he will work with you.” And then “Oh I checked, they will send the bill to me”. If you really want to send the sib into a spin “Well, if you can’t pick this up, I’m afraid he is done with dental appointments”.
I sure hope you aren’t giving them an accounting of the folks assets. It is none of their business.
But do think about hiring help from the parent’s funds to take care of any chores. A POA is meant for decisions. Not chores.
This caregiving of your parents is far from over and the hits are cumulative. Each “event” takes its toll on the caregiver. Not just the elder.
Your job is to take care of YOU. And that is at the top of the “A” list.
Big hugs.
BUT when you don't want to, then no need. Do what works for you.
"If they really want to know about our parents, shouldn’t they text/call me?" Exactly this right here.
Not one of those ingrates ever thanked me for or acknowledged my cheerful, positive progress reports. In fact, later it was reported to me that this was "controlling." So I'm through. Let them dangle. If they care so much, they'd be there cutting up their food, pushing them around in the wheelchair, and cheering when they manage to walk a few steps without falling down. Control THAT, I say!
You are POA so you can make decisions as you see fit.
Beatty is right...you are sorta darned if you do, darned if you don't.
Is there a way to have a family meeting and ask them how they would like you to communicate, what they want communicated and how often. If a meeting is not possible a group text or email.
There is a process you could use. Called Caring Bridge it can help communications
https://www.caringbridge.org
As POA you do not discuss finances with them. You also do not need to discuss medical. Thats between u, the parent and the doctor. I would stop giving them info. If they call, make it short and sweet. If they want a rundown, tell them your just too tired.
I have one brother who lives on the other side of the country. I update him if and when I feel like it and generally tell him minimal info. I did give him more details when my dad was nearing his end as I felt like he deserved to know that. My brother rarely contacts me. Though he does thank me for updating him when I do. I would be quite pissed if he voiced or implied any criticism of my care for either parent given that I do 99.9% of it. Thankfully he has not.
I read your bio and sheesh, my overwhelming thought is you need to give yourself a break and cut yourself some slack. Something has got to give. You are carrying a tremendous load and the last thing you should worry about is their unhelpful comments.
best wishes to you!
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