By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or
[email protected] to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
*If I am consenting on behalf of someone else, I have the proper authorization to do so. By clicking Get My Results, you agree to our
Privacy Policy. You also consent to receive calls and texts, which may be autodialed, from us and our customer communities. Your consent is not a condition to using our service. Please visit our
Terms of Use. for information about our privacy practices.
I never correct her but rather redirect her. I was her least favorite child (of three) but she doesn't seem to remember that either ;)
My mom also loves music and sometimes she would shock me with the choices she asked Alexa to play (many bands or singers I have never heard of).
Relax into the moment is truly a laughable suggestion, because with dementia, the word "relax" doesn't exist for a large majority of elders or visitors.
At one point, my mother decided she didnt want ANY of her photos or photo albums. They were all useless and she asked me to throw them out. I took them home and they're with my photo albums now. So looking at photos was not a thing to do with the woman either 🙄
All I could do was listen to complaining and gossip about others until it was time to leave. As moms dementia worsened and she could no longer understand language very well, things improved a bit from a complaining standpoint. But she'd start yelling WHAT? constantly and I'd have to speak louder and louder to be heard, and then she'd say, "why are you screaming at me, I'm not deaf?"
Communication with an elder can be VERY VERY difficult and I sympathize with everyone going thru this. ShellyF, just do the best you can and consider yourself ahead of the game if mom is not causing a pit to form in your stomach every time you visit.
Best of luck to you.
I have NEVER had luck with any of the usual suggestions about “activities” or looking through photo albums or “reminiscing”.
My mother is angry at her situation. Can’t remember most anything-even things in the past.
Crabby, critical and curmudgeonly.
Visits are torture for both of us.
For my own brother, he was in early stages of his Lewy's and he wanted to talk about it. He was aware of the prognosis and was aware he saw the world differently. He wanted to speak about how real his hallucinations were, and describe them. He died (luckily) before Lewy's could do its worst. I learned so much from him. We negotiated things together and clung together as always we did in times of problems. Again, I learned so much.
I know it sounds elementary but, after all, it is about giving them pleasure and happiness. If we did not see one of them, she would ask me, “ I wonder where lizzy is today”.
I tried to live in her reality rather than trying to force her into mine. You can only look at photos so many times. The photos would remind her of how much she had forgotten.
I agree. I decided to not show Mum photos when I learned that she felt distressed when she was aware that she couldn't remember things, especially if she felt she should know. I didn't want to upset her by showing her pictures of people and places she couldn't remember properly.
NH living
Depending on how advanced your Mom is, it may not be really possible to have conversations anymore.
Since she's at home, and if she's able, have her do "purposeful tasks" like folding a large number of kitchen towels, sorting things, etc.
Your profile says she lives with you and you work full time. Does this mean you need to leave her alone for any length of time? If so, how are you managing this?
More info would be helpful.
My daughter was the one who could talk to her. Moms eyes lit up when she entered the room. She would come to do her wash then sit on Moms bed. Mom would talk and daughter would say "oh yeh" "great" maybe talk about her day. Then when she shevwas leaving give Mom a hug and kiss and tell hervshe was going to work, which Mom accepted. We never said "going home".
One needs to be PRESENT with what is while being 'on' to communicate.
I wouldn't be stiff about it.
If you are uncomfortable - feeling a need to think of things to talk about - do not talk, simply smile and hold her hand.
Silence is golden is a phrase for a reason.
Some of the most 'important' communication is non-verbal.
Since she has dementia, she likely won't 'really' care what you talk about. What will matter - affect her more are non-verbal cues: facial expressions, tone of voice, touch.
You could talk about your day ahead or your plans for the rest of the day.
I doubt it will matter much to her what you talk about.
WHAT MATTERS TO HER is that you are there, caring for her, loving her.
Relax into these moments. Look her in the eye and smile.
Perhaps brush her hair ?
Massage her hands ?
Give her a manicure ?
If you feel it would support you, bring magazines and talk about the pictures/photographs. Birds, 'cute' animals - flowers - whatever she might have been interested in prior to dementia. Just be aware that her changing brain could 'see' a 'cute' monkey or elephant as a scary animal. We do not know how she might interpret what she sees visually.
I'd recommend you relax and just talk about yourself, your memories of her, your day, how you appreciate and love her. She'll get it.
Gena / Touch Matters
See All Answers